Critical Screening
by Katie Girlx
Summary: Everything in Charlie Radins life goes back to last year when her world came crashing down But now the boy who made it all happen is back the boy who she could always count on is something else. All she can do now is jump and hope she wont fall too hard.
1. Chapter 1

Critical Screening

WRITTEN BY:

KATIE GIRL x

"Lulu, you're my best friend." He said grabbing her hand. "if your ever wanted to be more than that… it would be okay with me." He spoke boldly staring into her green eyes. She sat there amazed as the screen cut to black. And people gave them a hard time because last summer he was married, and they are step – siblings_ and_ they had an affair ending in a teen pregnancy and abortion at the tender age of eighteen.

But if someone was as sweet to Charlie Radin a Dillon Quartermane is to Lulu Spencer on General Hospital she would melt in his arms. That's assuming that these tails don't just come along with a daily soap opera… Just one of the many shows followed by this television addict.

Charlie Radin was a beautiful thin blonde with long hair and these deep blue eyes to die for. But her own life came as a second choice to those of the characters on the television screen. If you asked why her eyes were so often glued to the television screen she would simply reply_, I rather walk in someone else's shoes for an hour, then live my whole life._

And I would simply nod in agreement. Charlie Radin was a normal American teenager on the outside, but a troubled junior to the world around her. To her classmates and small town neighbors her troubles year before was known to everyone, that was only the half. They knew everything, that she let them know, everything else was hidden inside of her own mind for her own business.

She was actually rather popular, though it didn't faze her. In school it was hard to find piece and quite and to find a boy who wasn't picturing her naked. That was except Kale, her best friend, for life. Both their mothers were best friends until Mrs. Matthews died when the two kids were in third grade, bringing the two of the closer. But lately everything seemed different.

It occurred to Charlie that her and Kale's relationship had started to change just about when her relationship with the rest of the world did. But Kale was too naive to noticed that Charlie noticed the change. But of course he knew, he felt it, he regretted it but knowing that his best friend, did that with _him_, revolted him, though he tried to hide it.

But then it was a totally different feeling not to know what was going on with Charlie, the girl he could always talk to, but find out from the other losers at school. Charlie and Kale told each other everything, she was a blonde bombshell to everyone else at school but to Kale he was the girl next store, nothing was a secret and nothing was to out radgeous to say. But that wasn't the case anymore, so Charlie turned to her soaps to find the answer.

She sat in front of the television on a Sunday afternoon watching her weeks worth of soaps that she had missed. From what her research told her many things went on in Port Charles, the fictional town in which General Hospital took place. Sonny and Carly couldn't get along because of their prolonged divorce. Alexis and Rick were leading apart because he slept with his step-daughter. Jason and Sam were emotionally apart because Jason has a baby with someone else and hasn't come clean. And Lulu and Spinelli were simply_ just friends _because she was too afraid to love.

And then it was obvious to her why Kale and herself had begun to separate. Lies. She lied to him. Kale had asked her over and over again if the rumors were true, and what was going on last year, but time and time again she came up with a new reason why everyone was lying and everyone was talking about her. But of course she was the only one telling the lies, and everyone else was actually telling the truth, for once.

Although Charlie and Kale would still talk five times a day and sleep over each others houses, it was still awkward. Like once the silence came over them, then it screamed out loud. Everything that was wrong, and every word that was said was screaming at them, and an unauthorized sentence would be spoken and the short and unwilled conversations would continue.

Charlie was a mystery to everyone. She would like to compare her self to several people. Several morphed into one. If you asked Charlie Radin how to explain herself she would compare her sarcasm and expressive eyes to those traits of Joey Potter of Capeside Massachusetts, her love for food and fast pace talking from those of the residential Gilmore Girls in Connecticut. Charlie would express her blonde hair and sexy manipulative ways, to Maxie Jones, resident slut in Port Charles. But she would also compare her elusiveness and secretness, and sex appeal to a newly found character called Greta found on Palms Springs beneath the hidden palms. 

And if you haven't caught on, all these people in which she would compare herself to, are all fictional. Fake. Unreal. Un-realistic. Yet these are the people and places that sat on the tip of her tongue. And this wasn't because she aspired to be these characters it was because she loved them, in the most profound and un-sexual way.

When Charlie Radin watched television she wasn't talking on the phone, typing on the computer or even doing homework while looking at the screen, watching television was an impressive event for her. When Charlie watched a show, she stepped into the screen, and when your watch a show over and over in sidinication and new episodes for years, you come to know the characters and the people surrounding them and become attached. Like those who you know in real life. Well while Charlie was ignoring her own life and walking for an hour in her characters shoes, she became them, except she always was them.

At this point you may be questioning what the hell am I talking about. And what kind of freak is this girl Charlie, and what the fuck happened last year. But in order to understand Charlie Radin's expressive life you need to understand her. She spends hours and hours each day watching television, getting sucked into the tube. And to some it may be a waste, but to her it is always worth it because she understands it.

And last year Ian came rushing in and out of her life leaving everything in her hands pushing her to this disruptive behavior that she has come to deal with. He was harsh and cruel, and obviously unreliable. But then he was sweet, kind, genital and gorgeous. He was a senior and herself only a junior. But of course he was nearly twenty then, staying back a grade in his younger years. And he took advantage of her when she knew no better. And hasn't cared ever since.

"and next time on General Hospital…" the voice over continued as Charlie sat watching the television after Lulu's green eyes blanked off the screen. There was a knock at the door and she quickly turned around. "hey." She said flicking the television off from the clicker as she pulled her long legs to her chest wrapping her arms around them.

Kale walked in closing the door behind him and sat down on the swizzle chair. "where have you been?" She asked looking down at her shinning watch. "it's already three thirty." He shrugged and turned the other direction. And the screaming silence yelled even louder, letting Charlie know that Kale was simply debating whether he should come over or not.

"sorry." He grunted expressively scratching he forehead. "so I was thinking, maybe we could go to the dance tonight." "at school?" he asked nearly laughing of surprisement. I nodded. "your kidding right?" Kale asked jaded. He wasn't one for the joining. Especially since everyone wanted to "join" in with his best friend.

"come on Kale, it will be fun." Charlie insisted. "yeah for you…" he muttered from the corner of his mouth. "and what is that suppose to me?" He looked away and her stern eyes were once again disappointed by her best friend as she turned away. "it's better then sitting around here watching movies." "you like watching tv." Kale responded anxiously. "I like watching television, movies end too quickly, aren't my style."

That was another thing about Charlie Radin. She hated closure, endings, afters…

Movies pulled you in like a fish, getting you involved, then after two hours of feeling and emotion it ended with a blank screen and a list of names. Your relationship was over. Series, went on and on, for years if they were lucky, which were the kind that Charlie liked. Soap operas were the aapintamy of television.

"fine… whatever." Kale said finally giving in. Because in his heart Kale was the same. He hated endings, he hated _new_ beginnings. Charlie smiled revealing a bright smile that could win over anyone, that's how she got Ian in the first place, with a big white smile. "I'll be right back." She said with excitement grabbing a dress off her bedroom door and walking into the bathroom across the hall.

When she returned she was wearing a short white dress. A plunging neck line, hugging her body tightly in all the right places, her blonde wavy hair reaching past her shoulders, and she looked perfect and Kale knew it. He smiled slightly as she threw a button down shirt of her brothers at him.

Charlie picked up her car keys and walked outside to her silver convertible. "Drive for me." She spoke tossing her keys at Kale as he took them and drove down the street. "so why are we doing this?" He asked sarcastically. She rolled her eyes and looked out the window her hair blowy in the spring wind.

"you look pretty." Kale muttered. "I what?" Charlie asked loudly kidding around. "you look pretty." She opened her mouth like a little kid, smiling ear from ear. "while thank you Kale." She said replied hugging herself around his shoulder. "your car." He muttered sarcastically.

"okay, okay." She said backing up as he pulled into the schools parking lot. "this looks fun." Kate muttered under his breath as walked into the school doors. "hi Charlie." A loud voice spoke. "Charlie you look pretty." Came from somewhere else. As the two childhood best friends walked to the back of the line to walk inside the dance hall.

As they walked past different groups of people, several would turn around and greet the shinning blonde with bad past. She smiled and waved, and shout out to a few as she passed. And as the lights went out in the large gym, decorated in a romance theme and the dance became the party that Kale had been afraid of.

The girl that he didn't want to know came through at school. The people around her made Charlie this way. And these people are who Kale blamed for Charlie's "corruption." But it wasn't a corruption. No one forced Charlie into bed with Ian, no one made her do that, except herself. Actually it was her idea, at least the first time.

And when Kale finally realized that all the rumors were true and his best friend from up the street, was really that girl. That "slut." That "babe." He popped. But didn't say a word to her about, they never yelled at one another or talked about it at all, not even a word, not in context. And Kale started to believe that Charlie really was this girl. But that was only the beginning. As the year continued. He only found out more and started to hate Charlie. Kale started to think of her as that "pregnant girl."


	2. Chapter 2

**Critical Screening**

CHAPTER: TWO

"You blew it, lady. Because I'm the best sex you'll never have" Pacey said with fire in his eyes and classic creek laying as a back drop behind him and his older teacher, slash girlfriend. "You're wrong about one thing, Pacey. You're not a boy" Ms. Jacobs replied to the young man on the verge of man hood, as he would politely put it in Dawson's Creek.

It was true. Pacey turned into quite the ladies' man, hoping bed to bed in the later years of the "creek." But although on the more obvious terms Pacey wasnt talking about sex (which by the way, Ms. Jacobs eventually got) he was talking more about his both physical attributes and his inner love and compassion which he was filled with.

Some may say that Charlie Radin gave out "her sex" to anyone who asked. That was part of her reputation. But by all means Charlie had only given up "her sex" to two people. The obvious and sensual Ian. And secondarily, a much less wanted from a introspected older man. That was bad, that no one knew, except Kale. That night Kale heard her crying all alone outside on her porch as he took a walk.

They were so young, only thirteen but yet somehow he made her feel like he understood her pain. No charges were ever pressed and Charlie moved on, putting that horrible life in back of her mind. That no one would ever know.

"hey Charlie." A quiet sensual voice said behind her as the music blared in the school hall. "hi." She said with a semi-smile as Ross stood behind her. "want to dance?" he asked grabbing the tips of her fingers as they moved to the music.

"And maybe play a little later?" He groaned into her ear. She pulled back looking at him strangely and moved away. "Something tells me you're not talking about scrabble, Ross." He smiled mischievously. "You don't have to pretend with me baby." "_I'm no one's baby_." She replied harshly as he back away. A fire burned in her eyes when Ross looked at her and said such things. It killed her.

Because that was a mistake that Ian made, he immediately considered her his property, his woman, his_ baby_. "There's a big party going down at Nicholas's" Someone whispered in her ear as the hour passed by. "I'll be there." She muttered back. A party was her main reasoning for coming to the dance.

"Kale." She said walking over to the side of the school's gym where he stood talking to another classmate. "hi Charlie." She said glaring at her. Her eyes scrunched together and she smirked with a hint of bitch in her direction. Charlie crossed her arms and swiftly ignored the girls comment. "there is a party going over at Nicholas Cameroons."

He nodded but it was like nothing registered in his head. "…aren't you coming?" she questioned looking at him. Charlie had one goal tonight, get wasted, get hammer, get drunk. It seemed to work for every of her favorite characters on television.

Joey Potter got drunk and played strip poker to get back at Pacey, Sam drinks everyday to get over Jason, Lorelei got drunk and professed her true love to Luke and of course there is Johnny who was just a pure alcoholic at sixteen… but she just wanted to get drunk and forget the world, she didn't that often but only at a party. She wasn't suicidal, not anymore.

"Kale?" she asked. "it will be fun, I'll even find you a nice girl." But there was a problem there because although Kale's and Charlie's relationship wasn't exactly having its best moments, and even though Kale was rustling with the fact of hatred, betrayal and trust of his best friend, he was also toying with the fact that somewhere along the way, at some point down this long path that he had already found the right girl.

It was strange now and days, because although Kale could look at Charlie in disgust at one moment and then look back and have his heart melt in her presence he know that she was way out of his league. Besides they were suppose to be "best friends" not lovers. And it wasn't like Kale had been pulling a Dawson's Creek – season one – in which he had been harvesting his true love for Charlie away, just killing him inside while using big words to hide it, no, he just wasn't sure if what his heart was telling him was what he really wanted or needed from her.

"…yeah I'll come." He said finally waving off to the girl who stood alone, angry as the two of them walking away. They drove down to the other side of town and the house was already loud, and was obviously filled with people. There were random beer cups and cans thrown around the lawn and the door was wide open.

Charlie led the way walking through the crowds of people as the loud music surrounded the two. And people bumped and grinded all around them with drinks in there hands. Kale followed close behind the blonde bombshell until the stopped in the kitchen. "hey Charlie" Nicholas said giving her a hug, he was the host of the party.

"Drink guys?" he asked pulling out two cups and filling them with beer. "Thanks." Kales muttered under his breathe. "Do you have anything stronger?" Charlie said laughing as the bubbles and fizz from the beer went up her noise. "I see you want special treatment." Nick said with a smile as he went under the counter and pulled out a small bottle of vodka. "Have fun guys." He said after handed it to Charlie. She jumped onto the counter and untwisted the top.

She smiled as she downed the rest of the beer in her cup and proceeded to poor vodka into her cup. "Want some?" she asked swinging it towards her friend. "I'm good for now." He said slowly sipping away. "Suit yourself." She said pursing her lips at the taste but still took another shot of it.

"Care to dance?" Steven said coming around to the counter a bottle of beer in his hand. "Why not." She said taking the bottle with her right hand and taking his hand with the other and left Kale behind as they entered the madness of the living room.

Kale watched from behind as she held his hand and still managed to drink from the other as they squeezed through the people. "Can I have some?" Steven asked reached out for the clear bottle. Charlie nodded as she swallowed another sour taste in her mouth but still managed to swing her hips back and forth. "oop's all done." She said about an hour or two late dropping the bottle on the floor making a loud crashing noise that no one seemed to notice.

She was now dancing a with a tall good looking red head, named Sean. "so are you still pregnant?" he asked looking at her. "what?" she asked whole heartily as the room went spinning. "are you still pregnant?" he asked again louder now. Kale was further into the madness now, and was clear in view of Charlie.

"wow, you…" She said stammering. "get out of here Sean." Kale said wrapping his arm around her waste just in time. "The white knight." He said sarcastically. "Probably the one who really knocked her up" He yelled pointing to the two friends standing in the middle of the party as the red head Sean walked away.

"You okay?" Kale asked only finishing off two cups of beer from the keg. Charlie nodded and proceeded to dance. "lets dance!" she cried waving her arms around in the air as she proceeded to turn around. She closed her eyes as she moved her waste and hips. She pushed her butt into Kale's groan and reached her arms back wards and held the back of Kale's neck as she turned around slightly looking at him, smiling happily, although her eyes were completely bloodshot.

"do you even know who you're dancing with?" Kale asked jokingly. "Kale…" she said in a high pitched voice. "come on dance with me." she moaned. They have never touched in this way before and Kale waited a moment just waiting for this moment to end but it didn't.

Her ass was pushing into her penis and he felt a twitch in it, that he was almost afraid to feel, afraid to feel because of Charlie. And Kale slowly began to do as he was told and his stomach moved in time with her. And as her hands explored what she could reach of the outside of his clothes he rested his hands safety on her lower waste moving in time.

And at that moment Kale felt something that only prove his point further in his mind. For months now he had been trying to decide if he hated Charlie or loved her in more that what they were way. And at that moment he still wasn't sure. He only knew one thing, he_ wanted_ her. In the most sexual way.

They kissed each other once. But they were ten and it was simply because they wanted to know what it would be like. It was at the start of Charlie's television obsession and every show she watched consisted of teenagers or older people and they were always making out, as weird as it may be for a ten year old to watch shows like that she loved them. And one day she just turned to kale and said _kiss me, kiss me now and don't say a word about it after._

She was just as outspoken then as she was now, obviously. _Why?_ He asked._ I want to know what if feels like. Don't you? _And he would have said no, if he hadn't but he did want to so he kissed her. But it wasn't like now, now there bodies were in tune with each other and they were one touching each other closely and sexually. At ten they just wanted to know what it was like to taste someone else's spit for a few seconds.

And even as he thought that about all those years ago he still wanted his best friend. As strange as it sounded. And maybe if those were Charlie's thoughts she could think of some obscure television show which showed the same things but Kale couldn't think of one in which this happened, this quickly in_ this_ way.

"let's go upstairs." She said turning around facing Kale although her breath was the smell of vodka. "what?" he asked surprised. As if his prayers were answered. "lets – go – up – stairs." She said obviously taking his words seriously.

She tugged on his hand grabbing another bottle of some alcohol as she lead Kale, her childhood best friend up stairs and into someone else's bedroom for what? No one knew, not even Charlie. She closed the door behind them and immediately sat on the bed. Kale wondered around slightly nervous although at that moment all he wanted to do was sit down next to her and jump her bones, but he was better then that, He had more self control then she.

"what are we doing?" he asked quietly. Everyone thought Charlie was sexually active but she had only been with one guy, purposely. Kale had been with three girls. But if he had sex with Charlie, she would be the one and only. His mind was rattling. And Charlie's one goal seemed to change at that moment. Charlie's thoughts were now just one glop, one string of words. "**have sex with Kale**."


	3. Chapter 3

Critical Screening

**CHAPTER THREE**

"wait, wait. Look around for a second. Notice?" Lorelei questioned her daughter as they looked intently and earnestly around Chilton Private High School. "Notice what?" He daughter asked looking at her mother as if she was crazy. "It's not so scary anymore is it." Rory smiled and let out a cool breath and replied, "No, it's not."

It was taking place at the season finale of Gilmore Girls and Charlie watched this episode at least fifty times but her heart always broke. But although the "Gilmore girls" were talking about something less sexual, to be precise the ending of Rory's high school career, Charlie found a way to apply this quote too many things.

At this precise moment then ground of the house was shaking against the music that just seemed to proceed to get louder and louder as the minutes passed by. You could hear chatter if you were actually listening but Kale and Charlie weren't even particularly aware of their surroundings anymore.

The two of them were laying horizontal on the bed one on top of each other. Their moist lips were meeting constantly and in this instance no oxygen was needed, not now. Kale laid on top of Charlie as their tongues danced inside of their mouths together.

Their legs were wrapped around each other as Kale slowly inched his hand up her dress and unclipped her bra. And as she pulled it out from her dress herself Kale suddenly wished he was drunker then just a little tipsy. He wished his intoxication matched that of his current sparring partner, his best friend.

They rolled over on the bed as Charlie began to slowly unbutton her brother's top that Kale now wore. She kissed lightly along his chest as she slowly unbuttoned each small one white button down the shirt. Kale laid there his eyes shut, he wasn't sure anymore.

Could he stop? Not now, he couldn't bare it. Charlie was forceful and pulled Kale up to a sitting position on the bed by his shoulders as she pushed the shirt off of his back and he lifted her dress off of her soft skin. Kale reached his own hands lower and unbuckled his jeans and she quickly pulled them off. Kale's hand moved up and down holding Charlie's thigh as he kissed her neck.

Charlie as did Kale, kept her eyes closed. She reached down and pulled the covers over them, and quickly felt sorry for who ever bed this was as her panties were pulled off. These mischievous and confusing acts continued. "…oh Kale" She groaned.

It was quite a while later that then now laid quietly in the bed, Charlie resting her head lightly on Kale's chest that slowly moved up and down, his lungs grabbing all the air that he could not have or wanted before. Charlie was relatively sober now, but she wasn't sure what to make of this. Kale wasn't sure either.

What would happen after this? What would change? What wouldn't. As thoughts ran through both of their minds, Charlie's heart began p beat faster and ache. She remembered last year, she remembered the heart ache. And after sitting there in silence, just there bodies touching Charlie arched her neck and looked at Kale and spoke "did you use protection?" she asked quickly and almost out of breath.

"yeah Char-Lie." He said quietly as she turned away. Charlie laid there quietly and tightened her arms around Kale's chest. Because that's what she was worried about. While Kale laid there ingesting over their future relationship, Charlie did the same but praying for something different and not a repeat of the year before.

Charlie couldn't be pregnant, she couldn't deal with it. But knowing that Kale had done what Ian hadn't made her feel safe, made her feel at ease, as if nothing else that happened that night, no matter how crude and unusual it all was,_ that_ was the only thing that mattered, for _now_.

There was a knock on the door and Kale quickly pulled the over themselves further. "Sorry guys." Nicholas said walking in. "Jesus." Charlie muttered as she closed her eyes after seeing several people popping there heads in the door. "What do you want?" Kale said angrily. "My neighbors called the cops…better leave." He said not slightly embarrassed at all which made Kale think his has seen too many naked bodies.

"Shit." Charlie muttered as the two friends leaned off the bed facing opposite directions as they quickly got dressed. Charlie was just pulling on her shirt as Kale walked to the front side of her and red and blue lights flashed inside of the room as the sirens came to a close. Charlie hated cops. She hated every word they said every movement they made.

It was like there was her worst enemy when in reality worse thing has happened, but Kale knew this. "Come on, I'll get you out of here." He spoke bravely as she grabbed her shoes and grabbed his hand that he held out for her.

The ran down the stairs holding hands, the house was mostly deserted but as the swung open the front door it was amazement. Lights were flashing and the lawn was a mess. A couple kids were getting arrested for possession of illegal drugs and Nicholas was getting interviewed by the police. "hey!" a deep voice said but Charlie didn't have to turn around to know who it was.

"you two, wait!" another police man said. But Kale stilled held on her hand as he got in the driver seat of Charlie's car and started it and sped off the street not slowing down till they reached a main road.

"thank-you." Charlie muttered looking a Kale. "no problem." He replied with a smile and letting out a cold hard breath. Something about speed and danger, took a liking to Kale. The rest of the car ride was silent, Kale drove back to their street and pulled into the Radin's driveway and handed back the car keys to Charlie slowly.

It was strange now, the awkwardness hit them like a ton of bricks. It wasn't like they just got drunk and made out._ She_ got drunk and they had sex. Best friends, none the less. There was silence as they stood in front of Kales own car for a few moments and she finally leaned in and hugged him tightly. There bodies stayed intertwined and suddenly Kale found himself softly smelling the tips of her blonde hair. He slowly nuzzled her neck, she felt her hand rest on the back of his own neck and he pulled away slightly only to have her rush forward pressing her lips against his.

He pulled away and kissed her cheek and there embraced came to a stop as they looked at each other both smiling mischievously. "I'll see you tomorrow?" Kale questioned. "your house?" Charlie asked back. He nodded. "bye…then." He said softly walking to his car and drove away.

A tugging feeling heaped inside of Charlie as she walked into her house. "who was that?" Her twin brother Kevin barked at her. "Radin, it's none of your business." She said boldly. Kevin was known through the families last name. That's how we was introduced as and was always refereed to as so even his own family picked up, oddly enough.

"The Twins" were hardly that. Besides the color of their eyes and hair, they were hardly alike. They actually use to be pretty close, had the same friends, did same things and at one time Kevin was the only person that Charlie would share her television experience with. But then last year happened… when many things changed so did the twins relationship.

Slowly but surely Charlie got pushed into a new "friend circle" leaving her brother behind. And of course their parents were too busy with Charlie to pay any attention to Kevin and he resented her for that. "was that Kale?" he asked standing up following his sister to the stair case. She shrugged sarcastically. "did you sleep with him?" Radin asked still following her.

"probably did, probably have been for years." And the rasp in his voice only increased making him harsher and only making Charlie angrier. "how come you were at the dance?" Charlie asked whipping her head around to look at her older brother, by two and a half minutes.

"I have better things to do then hang around that shit hole." He said. Charlie turned around and continued walking. "mom wants to talk to you." Radin finally spurted out when the two of them reached the top floor. "where's dad?" Charlie asked with a hint of worry in her voice. Radin rolled his eyes and created as cup in his eyes and pretend to sip it, motioning that their father John Radin was drinking, yet again.

Maybe that's where Charlie got her taste for alcohol. John Radin often walked out on the back porch with a bottle of scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other and would sit out there alone, doing nothing but smoking and drinking. He would wait, how ever long it took to be fully intoxicated and come back inside and wreak havoc on the family.

-Mean while Kale was walking into his own house to see his father sitting on the couch looking at the television screen with complete intensity. "where the hell have you been?" he burned at his son just as soon as he closed the door. "I was out with Charlie." He said harshly.

"ohm." he replied mutedly. Zachary Manning was someone over protective of his only son. Although when it came to Lauren Manning, Kale's younger sister, of fifteen he couldn't care less. Anything Kale did was scrutinized under a bright light, details always needed and disapproval usually unwittingly handed out.

"hi Lauren." Kale sung as he popped his head into his sisters bright room, there was something in Kale's voice that had changed. Lauren Manning was slightly naïve to say the least. But her sarcasm ran deep and her vindictive and evil comments were usually sprung. But sadly since last years events were passed around throughout the town, Lauren grew a great understanding and respect for Charlie Radin… sadly the only person who could earn that from Lauren.

Lauren was sitting at her computer instant messaging several people and finally turned around after she heard her older brothers voice. "hey." She said with a grin as she crossed her legs as she sat on the spinning chair.

"Didn't go out tonight?" Kale questioned sarcastically. "Nothing worth my time." She continued to look at her brother Kale with a smirk and her eyes slimming but not saying a word. "What?" he asked crossing his arms as he leaned his body against the doorway?

"Who'd you fuck tonight?" she said with such angst. Kale immediately stood up off the wall and loosened his arms. "none of your business Lauren." He said. "ha, so you did." She smiled and turned back around typing away at the keyboard.

Kale walked into his bedroom and laid across his bed alone, and in his boxers. Something had changed that night, who could feel it in the way the wind hit your skin. The way that the birds now seemed to sing. Charlie remembered a time when she had a crush on Kale. They were ten and things were much simpler.

And one day she told her best friends to kiss her, she told him to know what it was like. But secretly she just wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him. And as they got older and things changed Charlie use to think about what it would be like to make love to Kale. And unknowingly and strangely enough Kale thought about the same things about Charlie.

Neither knew what the other thought about them because their relationship was always purely platonic. Until tonight. And there was a night in earlier years, that they could have had sex, but maybe it was because they were too young, only thirteen or because only a week earlier Charlie had been raped or maybe just because Charlie was too scared to recuperated Kale's first move.

But now that it had happened, now that they had done it, it wasn't so scary anymore. At one point it was too hard to think about but now it over with, it wasn't scary anymore. Listen to the sounds of the birds and feel the wind cross you skin because something that night changed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Critical Screening**

Chapter four

"Ever since I was young, I never really understood anything about the world. And I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made any sense to me was you. And how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known. And that's enough for the rest of my life." Cory Matthews said this so wishfully so sweetly as he looked at Topanga. She was dressed in white and at the pure age of eighteen.

It was strange because as you watched Boy meets world through the years Topanga and Cory went from mortal enemies to true love. And all of a sudden they knew each other since they were kids and he had always loved her, since that one day on the slide.

What if that was what it was like for Charlie Radin and Kale Manning? And they just never knew it. What if they never would know it? That is exactly something that would happen. But as of right Charlie knocked softly on her parent's bedroom and barged in before a word was spoken. "the devil child said you wanted to talk to me." Charlie said sarcastically as she stood with her hand on the door and looked at her mother who was simply watching television. "Him devil child?

And you would have thought she was kidding. But Mrs. Radin kept such a stone cold face Charlie was not mistaken by her seriousness. "…oh yes." She softly as if Emily Radin had forgotten what she had been meaning to say to her daughter. "Umm. First of all where have you been?" She asked obviously still searching her brain for the exact words she wanted. "I was at the school dance." She said mildly. "Alone?" "…with Kale mom, he walked right through the house." Charlie answered harshly.

"How's his mom?" She asked. "Stop saying things like that!" Charlie cried. "You know she is dead, and I swear if you ever do that in front of Kale…" "Charlie." Kevin Radin said almost kindly as he put his hand on her shoulders, making Charlie nearly jump. "It's time for your medicine." Radin said pushing past his sister. "Is there anything else?" She questioned as she rolled her eyes.

"Where's your father." She continued blankly as Radin stood by her side pouring water into a cup and counting out the pills in his hand. "He's outside Mom." "Is he still with that _other_ woman?" Charlie waited a moment and continued coldly. "Yes mom, actually there outside banging right now." "Charlie." Radin hissed. "Kevin, what?" They're mother asked quietly. "She just was making one of her joke." He said handing her the nightly pills prescribed.

"good-night." Charlie bellowed walking down the hall and to the right into her own room and closed the door tightly. A small smile laid over Charlie Radin as she laid down in her bed alone the trees brushing with the wind as she closed her eyes and wrapped the blanket around her body.

In the morning the sunshine poured into Charlie's room like a pure waterfall brightening up for only her too see. The bird chirped loudly outside her window but her loud music over powered them coming from her itunes.

She looked at herself in the mirror oddly as she pulled her tight jeans over her freshly cleaned panties and slipped her shirt over her bra before brushing her hair. She nearly ran down the stairs and landed in the living room. "I'm going out!" She called. "Shut up!" Her father, John Radin, cried as he sat in the kitchen he head being held up completely by his forearm. "Sorry Dad." She muttered as he popped a couple Advil's in his mouth.

Charlie waited a moment for her father to say anything more and he didn't she slowly creaked open the door and purposely slammed it shut before jogging to her car. As Charlie drove down the street further into the neighborhood she remembered years ago when her and Kale were much younger but could have, would have had sex that night, if she wasn't so scared.

They were thirteen so maybe right off the back, they were too young , too inexperienced. It was one night that the two friends were sitting out on the Radin's front porch and Charlie was crying her eyes out. The week before she had been raped by a man she knew a Randy but even at thirteen she wasn't naïve to think that was actually his real name. Yes, perhaps the evil man was randy but Charlie knew for sure it wasn't his name.

The wind brushed away some of her tears as she sat looking down at her lap only getting her skirt wet. _"Charlie_." Kale had said apologetically as he leaned over and hugged her tightly and she finally gave in. And strangely enough a completely innocent and platonic hug turned into something else. It was completely from Dawson's Creek. Joey and Dawson sit in her dorm room hugging and suddenly it evolves into them sleeping together.

Well, they hugged for a long time bodies close to each other and Kale's hands moved up her back. The sexual tension rose between the two and Kale couldn't stand it anymore and made the first move; he pulled away slightly and kissed her cheek. "_Do you want to go upstairs_?" he asked quietly. And for a few moments a young Charlie actually considered going upstairs, but she couldn't bare, she couldn't bare to do things that had been done to her forcefully so soon beforehand.

"_I cant…" _she said softly standing up. "_I'm sorry Kale_." He waited a moment and looked annoyed but his facial expression quickly lightened as he looked as Charlie not further away then ever. _"Are you okay Chase?_" he asked using a nick name given to her a long time ago that only Kale had used, he was the only one allowed. Charlie nodded softly and walked inside her house pretending nothing was wrong.

Things were different now that was apparent as Charlie parked in the Manning's driveway and got out of the car just walking directly in the house as usual. "Charlie!" Lauren said with glee as Charlie walked by her bedroom, she turned right and stood in the opening of the room.

"Hey Lauren." She said looking at Lauren. Her eyes were a striking blue like Kales but her hair was much darker now, then it usually was, obviously died. "How are you?" Charlie continued. "Ah. Pretty good, but I have a question." Charlie nodded.

"How old were you when you um… lost **it**?" Charlie's face turned warm and blushed quickly as she looked at the fifteen year old. "err – sixteen." She lied. Lauren nodded in return. "That's what I thought." Charlie quickly cocked her head to one side looking at Lauren oddly. "How about you?" she shot back boldly. "Saving it for marriage missy." Lauren said sarcastically. "Everything but… is my motto." Charlie nodded sarcastically waved off and walked towards Kale's bedroom nervously. "Hi." Charlie said as she walked into his bedroom crossing her arms as he buttoned his shirt down the front of his chest. "Hey Charlie." He said quietly. She climbed onto his bed and pulled her knees to her chest as she sat firmly in the corner.

Charlie scratched the top of her hair as he came past her shoulders. "So um…" Kale began just as Charlie's cell phone began to ring. "Sorry." She said quickly as she picked it up. "Hello?" she asked awkwardly. "_Hey_." A muffled voice said. "Hello." Charlie replied again not knowing who called and the receiver hung up.

She narrowed her eyes brows and hid her phone away. "They hung up." She said sweetly. Kale nodded as he sat on the opposite side of the bed and Charlie instinctively inched towards him slightly. "Is your head alright?" he asked with a grin. "yeah." She grinned. "Should have taken one of my dads Advil's." she continued. Last night having Charlie come over the next day had seemed like such a good idea to Kale but now it seemed misguided.

"Ummm." Charlie hummed under her breath. "About last night." They both continued simultaneously. Charlie giggled nervously and for the first time looked Kale in the eyes as he did to her and they locked, tightly none the less. She inched towards him again.

"I think…" He stammered slowly. "I think it was maybe the right thing to do." He continued blurting out the words a quick pace. "You do?" Charlie replied almost surprised. He nodded at her with a look of willingness and hope.

"Enough to do it again?" she asked with a smirk, almost a laugh coming around her voice. He nodded leaning towards her and was now sitting right in front of her, kneeling. Kale was in a trance almost and all he could think about was how last night was the right thing, he repeated it over and over again as he inched towards Charlie. "Kale…" she muttered with a sense of urgency in her eyes.

"Chase." He said softly calling Charlie by her given nickname. "yeah." She said softly really questioning him. "I'm going to kiss you and if you don't want me to then you can turn away, we can never speak of it again." He spoke in soft hush tones. "But if you want me to, and I think you might, then kiss me back." Kale looked at her for a second longer before closing his eyes and moving towards her pressing his lips against hers and with in a moment Charlie closed her eyes as well and kissed him back.

They twisted and turned around each other not once removing their lips from the other as she landed on his lap straddling across his waist. He quickly lifted her shirt off her back as he kissed her neck smoothly. "Do you have pro.." Charlie questioned as she had the night before. "of course Chase." He said sternly looking at her before moving closer one again as they swiftly undressed one another.

Sometime later, the deed was done and Charlie lay in Kale's arms as she had the night before. She inched away and hugged the blankets around her as she stared back into Kale's deep blue eyes as he was doing to her. "Kale…" Charlie began softly. "What are we doing?" There was a sense of urgency and question in her voice that was obviously mistaken as Kale hurriedly looked down upon her bare body. Charlie reliantly leaned her hand forward and pulled his head up softly by his chin and he looked back at her. "Charlie, I don't know." he said softly. "_You don't know_?" she asked rather angry and outraged. "do you?" he asked quietly. She waited and moment and turned over onto her back, the silence was all they needed.

"Charlie…why are you so worried about protection" Kale began slowly after minutes of silence at a time. Charlie's eyes widened sarcastically looking at him, wondering why he would ask a stupid question. Shouldn't he be just as worried? "I would never do anything bad to you or hurt you…I mean why…" Kale slowly trailed off. Charlie twitched and sat up in the bed leaning her back against the wall as she pulled the sheets with her.

"I don't know." She said softly looking at the window. "I mean it not like you ever had sex with Ian." Kale said pushing her buttons. This was what was tearing there friendship apart the lies and the secrets. And here they were lying in bed together and naked and Kale brings it up. He knew everything, but Charlie wasn't aware of this. And was way to afraid to come out and say.

She couldn't bare that. She didn't want to think about it rather then talk about it. "Come on Kale." she pleaded. "I'm just saying." Charlie leaned her head down and rested her forehead on her kneecaps closing her eyes. "if you didn't have sex with Ian then I would be your.." "_**stop it**_!" Charlie cried hugging her self tightly. The harshness and cruelty in Kales voice came to a halting stop. "stop talking about _him_." She continued. "Hand me my clothes." Kale leaned over the bed and handed Charlie her clothing calmly and got up himself only in boxers and began to get dressed.

The silence was harsh and rasps. Slowly but surely the tension grew. "I'm sorry Chas – I'm sorry Charlie." He said after he stern eye met his. She scratched her head quietly. Charlie had to go to the bathroom but she knew if she left them room she would have to come back and things would be much worse.

She sat in the corner of the room sitting in front of the television with Kale, watching some stupid show, nothing worth of her thought and traditionally time or effort. "we did…" She finally said maybe a half hour later, leading us to believe that she had been thinking about the spat earlier. "did what?" Kale asked confused. "I did have sex with Ian…I mean of course I did."

"oh…" Kale said oddly because he had already pushed the fact that he knew. He didn't want to ruin there time together anymore. "I should go." Charlie said getting up. "Charlie." Kale said getting up and following her to the door grabbing hold of her wrist. "what?" she asked angrier because at the tightness of his grasp.

"I just want to make sure we're okay." He said softly looking at her. Charlie nodded slightly as he let go of her arm. "We're fine Kale…I just don't know what were doing." She said quietly. He nodded in agreement. "Do you want to stop?" She shrugged. "I don't think I can now… I…" she trailed off. "Look I'll see you at school tomorrow." She piped up before darting a false smile at Kale and walked back down the hall.

When you were a kid things were easily miss interrupted, or maybe you just understand. But for both Kale and Charlie they usually didn't understand why things were happening to them through out their life's. Mrs. Manning's death, Charlie's rape, Mrs. Radin's mental illness or Mr. Radin's constant cheating or Charlie's abortion. While Kale often sat in his house wondering what happened to his family and his life. Charlie would sit in her own comfortable house wondering why she had to have all this happen to her, why she had to carry the burden. They both just wanted one thing they could understand one thing they could count on.

Well it just so happened that throughout these past seventeen years they had always had each other, they were each others one thing. And that was always fine, that was always good. But Ian got in the way of that more complicated bond. That more intimate bond that Charlie and Kale now shared was interrupted. Some people believe that a interruption is something meant to test you, test of what you really want and how much you want it. But then there are others who believe an interruption is meant to shield you from the biggest mistake of your **life**.


	5. Chapter 5

Critical Screening

**Chapter 5**

"Well, do you guys have time for coffee?" He asked the rest of his friends as they stood in the empty apartment doorway, a place that had all known for so long. "Yeah." They spoke in unison. "Why not…" As the group of friends walked out into the hallway much different people then they were ten years ago as it all began Chandler spoke out of sarcasm for one last laugh, one last tear jerking moment for the audience of the series finale of _friends_. "Where should we go?"

Like he had to ask, they of course went to Central Perk. But they six friends came full circle they went from six single twenty something's to six thirty something's with kids, and marriages, and divorces and love. Things weren't that simple always. After all it took ten years for the six of them to end things like they did, going back to the same place they always had, a place where they were comfortable, but completely different people.

The bell rang across Scratmorthe Academy as Charlie slowly trudged into her homeroom and sat down in the middle of the classroom. "Hey everyone." Mr. Smith bellowed as he walked into the room not long after Charlie took her place among the chattering students. He stood in the front of the classroom taking row call. Kale Manning's seat lay empty and alone.

"Not that I care…" Mr. Smith continued. "But how was everyone's weekend." "Why don't you ask Charlie?" A girl's voice cried from the back of the classroom. Charlie quickly sat up in her seat and turned around but the voice had already softened and whose body it came from was undetectable. "Yeah I hear Charlie had a pretty sweet weekend… as always I suspect." A boy's voice said, the small group of people laughed and snickered as Mr. Smith rolled his eyes. Charlie Radin's brother sat not too far from her own seat, he much quieter then the rest but smiling not the less.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie cried looking around the classroom. Charlie crossed her arms as the teacher silenced them as the announcements sliced across the room from the loud speaker. "What's going on?" A girl's voice asked from the row behind Charlie Radin. "Oh you didn't hear?" Another voice answered obviously whispering just loud enough for Charlie to hear herself. "At Nicholas Westerfeld party on Saturday Charlie and Kale Manning hooked up." There was a disgusting sound from the other girl as she came to a silence. "I thought they were just friends." The other girl continued.

Charlie's face was turning warm and redder by the minute, but she couldn't stop listening and she couldn't pretend not to care. _Where was Kale_? "That's what we all thought too." The girl said. But now Charlie could confirm it as Amanda Hilfiger's voice. They use to be friends, until last year. They were close as close as Charlie got to anyone besides Kale… or for that matter Ian but apparently not that important to each other because once rumors flew that Charlie was less then perfect Amanda flew away with her dignity as well.

"But Charlie always told me that she and Ian were just friends too but we all knew what happened there." Amanda snickered. The bell rang and Charlie hurried to grabbed her bag on the floor as she stood up Amanda walked past her hitting her shoulder against Charlie's. "Oops. Sorry there." She said with a smirk grin on her face as she continued walking.

As Charlie walked by the rest of the desks all were empty except one. She caught a glimpse of her brother Radin who had mysteriously turned up at school today without a ride, since Radin was lacking his drivers license. He sat there quietly and didn't say a word but still stuck with a grin plastered on his face and staring at his desk as if no one was there, especially not his sister.

The halls of the only local high school to this small town were crowded and spaces were few and far between. Between pushing past the sudden stopping freshman and walking behind the lagging fellow seniors Charlie made it to class but with no time to stop at anywhere in between.

"Hey Charlie." Nicholas said softly slumping down into the desk next to Charlie's in their first period class. The warning bell rang as the door closed behind Mrs. Shaft, their English teacher. She usually just sat at her own desk, doing anything but teach and gave the students a free period to read for their weekly book report, but nothing else was to be done.

Charlie ruffled slightly with her long blonde hair and rummaged through her bag pretending not to hear her friend next to her as Nicholas pulled out his own book. "How was the rest of your weekend?" He asked one mutedly just like any other day, to any other person.

Charlie swiftly turned to him, rolling her eyes dramatically. "Who'd you tell?" She asked. "Or did you just do it easy and quick? And told everyone?" She asked angrily looking at him slightly. "Huh?" He asked sarcastically biting his bottom lip.

"At your party…" She continued, unsure now. He nodded still looking surprised and confused as the Mrs. Shaft stared angrily in their direction. "Are you talking about the cops? Because I didn't give your name to them." Although obviously that wasn't what Charlie Radin was talking about, as she thought about her next move inside her head, some weight was lifted off her shoulders.

"Who'd did you tell about…" Charlie spoke eagerly, and angrily looking into Nicholas's eyes as her voiced softened and her eyes veered around the room. "…me and Kale" she said urging her eyes larger and larger. Nick grunted a little bit and sat up. "Charlie, I consider you one of my close friends. I wouldn't do that to you."

His voice was cool and straight. His eyes stayed calm and without worry. Charlie had seen lying she could read it, read it as simply as any book and her body relaxed in the chair and uncrossed her arms. "…everyone knows." She said coldly out loud. Although she was truly talking to her self Nicholas nodded in agreement. "Charlie." He began looking at her and stayed quiet. "I was talking to Kate earlier and she told me she was talking to your brother this morning before school." Charlie raised one eyebrow expecting nothing about the present conversation. Radin hardly ran with the same group of friends as Charlie did now. Nor did Kate, Nicholas's girlfriend.

"she told me he started talking about my party and how you and Kale _hooked – up, _I guess he was saying that he heard it from some other person at the party but couldn't give a name… anyway she said he seemed pretty eager to tell every living soul in the hallway." Charlie grunted. "Radin wasn't at your party." She said protesting his idea, slightly annoyed as she felt slight eyes around her starting to look at Nicholas nodded.

"Yeah he was, I talked to him for a couple minutes." Charlie grimaced. "I didn't question his invitation, I knew he was your brother, I assumed he was there with you." She shook her head still staring at him intently as he continued in a soft, caring voice. "we were just talking upstairs before the cops came, then I waved him off as I walked into my room… well anyway you were in there." Charlie's face turned increasingly warm. "Sorry." She murmured under my breath as she contemplated what he had just said.

"So you're saying my brother saw me?" She said sarcastically. "I mean I guess Charlie… I was saying good bye to him as I opened the door, but I don't know why he would want to tell everyone." Mrs. Shaft was now standing in front of the two desks and looking down at them. "Unless you two would rather learn some impressive punctuation, I suggest you shut up!"

Charlie ground her teeth beneath her lips as she turned back in her seat, facing forward. Nicholas threw her a sympathetic look before digging his noise in an unread book. Charlie sat with an empty desk in front of her tapping her foot. _Where was Kale?_

As the bell rang Charlie rushed out of her seat scattering past Nicholas who was still bellowing her name and the whispering voices and walked towards the opposite end of the school, towards Kale's locker. The grayish – blue metal door was swinging out to the side of the fellow lockers as Charlie approached him, turning slightly she that she could stand away from the open hallway.

"Where have you been?" She barked at him, making her friend nearly jump. He leaned his body out from behind the locker door, rolled her eyes and closed it. "My car wouldn't start this morning." He said stuffing a couple books in her backpack, not paying attention to Charlie's worried face or stress lines. "I had to get a ride from my dad." He continued.

"They all know." Charlie said quietly looking around the loud hallway. "They all know what?" Kale questioned sarcastically. His heart beat quicker as he stood in front of her. Had she not remember what had happened yesterday? What had happened Saturday? He thought as he looked at her, trying to stay calm, to stay sain.

"They all know we slept together, Kale." Charlie said angry, that he hadn't known. To the right of them there were two junior boys on the varsity football team, both looked familiar to Charlie the taller went by the name of Shane, the shorter of the two was Harry. "Yeah, so I guess they did sleep together." Shane confirmed nodding his head towards Charlie and Kale. Harry turned around and smiled sarcastically and turned back. "They look like there just friends."

The two boys were just within ear shot of the two friends standing in the hallway. Their voices were soft but hearable. "Charlie is friends with everyone, if you know what I mean, you know about Ian Rowland last year right?" One said while the other nodded. "Well anyway I was talking to Radin…" Shane continued. "I thought she was…" "Radin, her brother… I think his real name is Kyle or whatever."

Harry was leaning against the locker doors as Shane dug through his locker. "Anyway, I was talking to Radin he was telling me it was true that Charlie and Kale really did do it, at Nick's party; sure it wasn't the first time… whatever. But why does he want…" He continued but his voice soon trailed away as they began to walk in the opposite direction.

Charlie's head turned back to Kales view here eyes bulging out of her head. Kale hadn't said anything he just stood there. He hadn't seemed to be listening to anyone since Charlie had spoken. He grunted and tugged on Charlie's hand pulling her across the crowds and into an banned class room.

"What are we doing?" She muttered. Kale sat on the desk across from Charlie and turned looking at her and suddenly reached forward and grabbed her hands again. Charlie was taken back, amazed a little. "I can't do this again." She said with urgency. He nodded. "Everything is going to be okay." He said harshly looking at her.

Charlie wasn't one for that crap. She usually had answer. _How do you know? Can you promise that? _Or_: nothing will ever be okay._ But something in Kale's voice was so calm so sympathetic, it was made her believe him or at least want to so much that she couldn't utter one remark, or rebuttal to what he had said.

Things were never as easy as _everything will be okay _because usually things had to get a lot worse before they eventually did get better. After Mrs. Manning died, Kale's father went through some money issues and the Manning house hold was going under, at least money wise but eventually Mr. Manning got a rise and they resumed from bankruptcy.

After Charlie's rape, she couldn't stand to be touched by anyone, except Kale but sadly the worse to that situation came four years later to the tune of Ian Rowland, who was the first to touch her in that same way. But Charlie never came out from that. Things went from bad: the rape, to worse: Ian. And nothing changed after that, Charlie didn't come up from drowning, Charlie never came round circle. When was the worse going to be over to have the happy ending shine through? And have the season finale closing credit roll across the screen. ?


	6. Chapter 6

Critical Screening

**Chapter 6**

"People change, Dawson." She said cold heartedly. "They don't have to." Dawson Leery responded. "_Yes_, they do. People die, and they move away... and they grow up. Everything changes eventually" Joey Potter rebutted to Dawson's not so subtle movie life.

Dawson Leery never wanted change to come around. He couldn't handle it when his girlfriend changed, and slowly moved away from him emotionally, he couldn't comprehend why his friend was living in a drunken world or how his best friend went from a mischief making slacker to a boy head over heels in love. These were all changed around him yet he stopped and slowed down, staying the same.

And it wasn't that Charlie Radin feared change, she just didn't believe in it. She couldn't comprehend that such a thing could run through a person. She didn't believe that a person could go from being one whole thing to another whole thing, not with out a major objection, a major event in life.

"Sorry about the ride." Lauren Manning said crawling into the back of Charlie's car sitting in front of the school, later that day. "My brother's care is a piece of shit, as is he." She smirked. "Anyway..." Lauren continued leaning forward in her seat leaning both of her elbows on the front two seats. Charlie still sat quiet looking forward and out of the front window shield of her car, unable to comprehend this day.

"I heard about you and my brother." Lauren winked in a sarcastic yet happy way as Charlie quickly flipped her ahead around sending her blonde hair into the hair; instinctively Lauren leaned back out of fright. "Who told you?" Charlie asked speaking her first word. "…I'm not supposed to say."

Charlie gritted her and teeth and was about to speak vindictively to a girl who never did anything to her except respect, probably the only person who did but the front car door soon opened. "Hey." Kale spoke softly, closing the door behind him.

Charlie looked out of her window, pretending as if they were just sitting waiting for the traffic of the student parking lot to pass. But soon she saw her brother Radin, walking and still smiling like a fool , talking to Amanda Hilfiger. Before a word could be spoken a fourth door slammed and the car shook softly. Radin didn't say a word, but Charlie could see his blonde head shaking slightly, out of nerves she didn't know.

"Are we going anytime soon?" Radin barked sarcastically. Charlie bit her bottom lip and slowly turned around only looking at her brother. "Get out of the car." She said angrily. "What?" He asked arching his left eyebrow. "_Get out of the car,_ Radin." She said again. He got out slamming the door as Charlie slowly moved after him.

"So I was right the other night." Lauren whispered to her brother as Charlie moved. Kale turned around forcing his arm at his sister pushing her into her seat. "Jesus, Charlie. What's your problem?" He said angrily as he leaned against the car.

"Were you at Nicholas Westerfelds party on Saturday?" Radin grunted and immediately smirked. "Yeah so?" He asked forcing himself to bit his nail, in order to hide the obvious smile. Fire burned in her eyes looking at her twin brother. And sudden his mischievous, happy smile turned to a pure blank face with a hint of terror rushing through him.

And suddenly Charlie's feet began to move and like in a slow motion Radin turned around and sprang to his feet raising them as quickly as he could as his sister came racing after him. Charlie kept up a quick pace chasing after her brother through the Strathmore Academy parking lot. She saw quick faces peering out at them running quickly around the cars, but by the end of this day, Charlie was use to it.

Radin continued, running across the front gate, followed by Charlie and an alarm of cars beeping after coming to a sudden stop. Although Charlie wasn't far behind her brother, she was loosing breath and came to a stop. Radin turned his head slightly for the tenth time and stopped as well, turning to face his sister.

"What that's… it?" He called taking deep breaths. "Walk home." She muttered under her breath. "Huh?" He called back. Charlie turned around once more to face Radin and yelled: "_you can fucking walk home, bastard!_" And she began walking back towards her car, the cars in line to leave the student parking beeped louder as she slowly trickled across the slow road and continued until her door slammed shut.

No one said a word as she got into the car and sped off, basically to make the sight of her brother walking down the long road unable to happen, Charlie Radin only slowed down once she plowed into the Manning's driveway. "Are you coming Kale?" Lauren asked as she swung her car door open but Kale Manning stayed still looking at Charlie from the corner of his eyes. "Go Lauren." She said softly. "But..." "Go inside!" he cried as she slammed the door shut.

"What's going on?" Kale asked once his sister was safely inside the house. "…just go inside Kale." Charlie said harshly looking down at her lap. "Charlie…" He pleaded. Charlie still looked down at her hands laying on her lap, twiddling her fingers around each other entertaining herself in hopes that he would go away, but didn't, he never did. That's why Kale was Kale and why Ian was never able to live up to him.

"It was my brother." She said finally in a little but strong voice. "That told everyone, he was at the party and he saw us." She stopped twiddling her fingers but still stared down at her empty lap. Kale still didn't say a word; he could tell there was more to say.

But as Charlie sat in the car thinking, knowing Kale was sitting her to listen she began to ramble saying the things she had been thinking about since Saturday night but now these thoughts and words only progressed throughout this Monday.

"Its likes…" Charlie spoke softly, and earnestly, but filled with emotion and strength. "When everyone was talking about me and Ian, I could grab his hand and walk through the school like they never matter because I knew he would protect me." Kale bit his tongue and forced himself not to asked random questions that he already knew the answers to, questions in which Charlie didn't think he would know to ask. Kale decided not to play his game.

"But when everyone is talking about you and me, I have no one to protect me." She still spoke but now turned her head and locked eyes with Kale. "I can't just grab you hand and pretend like were in a bubble, now can I Kale?" He was staring right back at her. "…why not Charlie?" he asked slowly moving his hand to hers on her laps and forced his fingers between hers and held her hand tightly in his still staring into her eyes intently.

In the last few days nothing was the same. When he was around Charlie, Kale could only think of what the had done of late and not the years of friendship but the events that usually led to something else, and he thought of what they could be and not what they were. In the presence of Charlie Radin, Kale became like any other boy in their school except he actually care for her in a profound and lovely way. Kale Manning was beginning to wind down a terrible and dangerous path of love.

Charlie hadn't done any of this, hadn't thought about relationships or boys or sex, since last year she couldn't. But even when she was drunk and boys through them at her she never let her guard down, she never slipped up or broke down. But then one night she was drunk just like any other and so easily_, so easily_, she let go and had sex. But how come it was so easy to just do it with her best friend even when she was sober?

And even now it was so easy for Charlie to just sit here with him and hold his hand, like nothing was strange or new about it. It was so simple for Charlie to sit here and look at Kale looking back at her and think these impure thoughts about the boy she had sleepovers with, and got drunk for the first time with, and taught her how to swim and the boy she had her first kiss with. But now Charlie could only think about now, and wondering if her parents would still permit a sleepover with Kale. And at this moment as Charlie thought these things unknowingly Kale Manning was thinking the same things.

But what Charlie hated most of all, besides cops, was uncertainty. She hated not knowing, which meant she hated sitting here with Kale not knowing what was coming next for her, or what was coming next for_ them_. "We can be more then friends Charlie…" He finally said knowing from the look on her face that should was nervous about holding his hand even though it made her happy. "We can?" She questioned out loud. Kale gripped her hand harder. He nodded and her face was still aching still questioning all this.

Charlie Radin pulled her hand away from Kale's and sat back in her chair. "I'll see you in homeroom tomorrow." She said quietly. Kale was slightly annoyed but nodded and quickly kissed her cheek and opened the door. Leaving Charlie at the steering wheel, waiting to pull out of the driveway until Kale was safely in his house.

The real question wasn't if Charlie wanted to be with Kale. The question was could she change? Had she changed? Enough? Charlie had gone through many things in her life and many things have changed her because of the severity of these events. But had she changed enough as a person to be the person Kale needed, the person she needed to be for Kale to need her?

After all Charlie Radin didn't believe a person could change with out large circumstances. But she wanted him. She wanted him badly, and these impure thoughts continued as she drove home. Charlie Radin needed to change, but she already had unknowingly. But there was someone else who hadn't, who hadn't changed down deep. Sure he did on the outside, he presented a good provado, a good screen shielding his true scummy self form the world, but Charlie Radin didn't see that, yet.


	7. Chapter 7

Critical Screening

**Chapter 7**

"People in love aren't known for their rational behavior." Nicholas Casadine of Port Charles, New York said talking to his strung out half brother Lucky. When your in love its like having blinders put on you permently and all you can see is you and him or her. That one person shields your judgment from the rest of the world. But on General Hospital what are you suppose to do when your strung out on drugs and sleeping with another women but still in love with your wife? That isn't quite understandable.

But for Charlie, how was she suppose to act when she wasn't sure if she was in love, not in that way, she wasn't sure if she ever fell out of love with the boy who ruined her life, although she claims that she had long time ago, but then again he was her first time. Let's just say she was confused. Because when she wasn't around Kale Manning, Charlie had a clear view of what to do and what to say. But once he came around, once her friend came around she had these very_ friendly_ feelings, and her blinders came on binding to her mind.

The clanging of the metal pole hitting another sounded throughout the school on Tuesday morning as Charlie Radin sat quietly in Mr. Smith's classroom as others walked through the classroom door. Charlie hadn't seen her brother last night, or this morning for all she knew he didn't return home, yet he showed up here, the one place she would have ignored if possible.

As Charlie sat silent looking down at her desk, Radin walked in leaning against the classroom walls wrapping his arms around Amanda Hilfiger's hips, their lips pressed against each other. "Hey Charlie." Emma said walking around the bend and sitting in the desk in front of her.

Emma had short, straight brown hair. Her tall and curvy body disappeared as she sat down. "Anything exciting happen yesterday? I had to go to Boston for the day." Emma Watson continued. "Not especially." Charlie said quietly. "Jesus, are they going at it." She said looking up at Radin and Amanda for a short moment.

"Of course they are." Charlie grunted, smiling slightly as Emma looked at her strangely, wondering about her harsh attitude this morning. "anyway, Nicholas's party was pretty good." And a light came on in Charlie's head and she lifted her head from its bent position. "I was just coming in, but I saw you walking upstairs with your friend Kale." Charlie nodded and couldn't help but smile. "I have to finish some calculus homework… see you lab." "Yeah, okay!" Charlie said with heightened spirits as Emma turned around in her desk and the second bell of the morning ran and Mr. Smith rushed in the doorway, Kale shortly behind him.

Charlie began to look down again at her desk as Radin and Amanda both took separate seats. She could feel Kale's beautiful eyes staring at her and for a moment she thought he might not say anything until: "hey Charlie." He said quietly looking at her nervously as she turned to look at him. "I need to talk to you." "Yeah, okay!" She grunted and turned back around as the room was hushed with the morning announcements. "Hello Charlie." Amanda Hilfiger said leaning up from her chair. "Yes _Mandy_?" She asked sarcastically turning her blonde head only slightly to face her ex-friend.

"I have something for you." She sung as Charlie reluctantly held out her hand, Amanda slipped a small plastic wrapper in. Charlie pulled her arm to the front of her body and unfolded her hand. _Trojan man:: pleasurable for all_. The colorful round wrapper read. And the embarrassment of yesterday had left Charlie and she returned to her strong, sarcastic and sexy self as she turned around to Amanda who was snickering.

"Yeah so, Mandy if you're such an angel virgin why do you obviously have an open packet of condoms?" Charlie asked flipping the condom back and forth in her hands. Her faced reddened for a moment before she reached forward and took the condom from Charlie's hand. "you're right its much better to just wing it and have an abortion later right? I think I'll keep this." She tossed it over to Radin's desk and opened her mouth once more.

"Besides, Kale seems like the responsible guy, I'm sure he has it covered, but then again he is with _you_." Charlie's insides burned and this unknown feeling roared inside of her. "Leave Kale alone, you can screw around with me because I know you're still holding a grudge or jealously whatever_ you_ want to call it, but Kale was always nice to you." She was quiet for a moment but still smiling.

"Jealous?" She cackled. "Of you? And what the hell would cause such insanity" Charlie waited a moment because it killed her to talk of him, in front of other people, but she couldn't run away now, she had to finish her point, bring some humiliation upon Amanda as she had done to Charlie so many times.

Charlie smirked sarcastically. "come on, we all know you wanted Ian Rowland last year, you practically threw yourself at him, you told me you wanted to lose your virginity to a man, since he was nearly twenty. As soon a I moved in him you turned against me, get over it Amanda, it's _pathetic_." "Charlie…" Kale warned behind her.

But Charlie had succeeded. The people in the room were laughing slightly and whispering around and Mandy Hilfiger's face was red and full of anger, and luckily the bell rang. The room began to exit as Charlie grabbed her stuff Kale, waiting for her. "I don't hate you because of Ian." Amanda said softer now, still standing behind Charlie as she picked up her bag. "I hate you because you ended someone's life when they never had a choice, you're a selfish bitch."

Amanda paused and looked over at Kale. "and its about time your saw it. I warned you Kale." Amanda walked out before another word could be spat. Charlie raised her eyes brows looking at Kale, what did Amanda mean, she _warned_ him?

It meant that Amanda was the one who told Kale the truth. The one who sat him down two weeks after Charlie reveled to Amanda that she was pregnant and told Kale straight out why Charlie was acting so strange. Charlie Radin and Amanda Hilfiger passed as best friends back then. Although it was Kale that Charlie had grown up with, it was Kale who she saw everyday and loved to death, it was also Kale who couldn't stand Ian and it was Kale who Charlie was pushing away, and it was Kale who Charlie was embarrassed to talk about her problems with, which is why Charlie pushed off talking to Kale about anything dealing with Ian, and in the end she _never_ did tell him.

And that was the last time that Amanda told anything that was nice and or truthful about Charlie Radin. The day that she told Kale everything was the day she got rid of her friend Charlie. Because by telling Kale the truth she thought he would take care of her and she could stop being talked about and scrutinized for being friends with Charlie Radin and Ian Rowland. Her planned worked, for Amanda and no one else.

Kale grunted ignoring Charlie's odd expression and tugged on her hand as they walked through the crowded halls and into another side hallway. The bell rang and it was completely empty. Now only Charlie and Kale stood together at the end of the hallway.

"You said you wanted to talk?" She questioned looking slightly up into Kale's eyes. They were ignoring what had happened in homeroom and now focused on them. They were missing class but neither of the friends cared. _We could be more then friends_.

The voice, the sentence, the truth of it lingered in both Charlie's and Kale's minds. He grunted as if he had forgotten what he was going to say, it was something Mrs. Radin did often in her mental state. "You look really pretty today." He said awkwardly. And even though Charlie heard it often she blushed and said: "thanks Kale."

They stared at each other for a long time in this empty hallway and it came to the conclusion that Kale never really had anything really important to talk to Charlie about, he just wanted to see her, talk to her, perhaps _touch _her.

The world was spinning around them and games were being played all over the place. Kevin Radin was out for revenge of some sort. Amanda was rolling along for the ride. Kale was playing his own game against Charlie for the truth. And now Kale and Charlie had their own game going, it was only for them, a two player if you would.

The game was rather a will they, won't the situation similar to that of Dawson's Creek or any other love interest television show of Charlie's but it was much deeper. Charlie swallowed and opened her mouth but it was hard to ruin the moment. "About yesterday…" She trailed off. "What you said."

Kales heart beat was racing, and it couldn't stop. Yesterday he blurted things out that maybe he would have held onto other wise, and he was afraid to pay the consequences. "Chase… I" He said softly as she inched towards him. "no Kale, it's just that in less then a week the way I think about you has changed and when I see you my heart tugs… your suppose to be my best friend." She smiled and reached for his hand on an instinct. "I'm just thinking of I lost you… I would have no one if you haven't noticed." The tone of Charlie's voice had changed. She sounded softer and kinder. "you wouldn't lose me." He grunted but Charlie Radin was already leaning up slightly on her toes and pressed her lips on his.

As she pulled back, he tugged on her hand and slammed into the swinging girls bathroom door and closed it behind them. Charlie's back was slammed against the bathroom wall as Kale pressed his body against hers their lips meeting continuously. Kale's hand slid down the side of her of body and pulled her thigh around his waist as their tongues dances at one.

Charlie closed her eyes as a creak to the right of the two sounded as Kale slid his lips down towards her neck, slowing kissing her long neck inching farther from her lips. Charlie opened her eyes for a split second and nearly jumped off the floor. Emma Watson stood in the doorway scrunching up her noise. "Wrong room." She muttered as Charlie tugged Kale off of her regrettably.

"Umm yeah." Emma said again once no one said anything and slowly entered the room. And a strange sensation ran through Charlie and she was embarrassed and slighted but she was tickled. She stroke a bright smile across her face in which Charlie hardly ever broke. Charlie's smile was a flirtiest move, but she hardly had enough feeling or energy to smile but she did, she burst out into a purely white smile.

She was still holding onto the elbows of Kale's arms as he still held her waist but he began to laugh as well. He kissed her cheek as she pressed her forehead slightly against his, their eyes locking deeply but the sound of laughter was still lingering between them.

"Kale." Charlie said quietly after a moment of silence. "I can give with you said a try." She was very careful to never repeat what he said, or consider the words boyfriend or girlfriend, it made it too weird, to familiar, too heartfelt, too involved. Although that's what they both were, involved.

But in the back of her mind, she was worried, because Dawson and Joey never got their relationship back after they became _more then friends_. And once Lulu and Dillon _slept together_ it was hard to be less. And Topanga and Cory had to have it _all_ or _nothing_.

It was strange to have this feeling inside of them. Charlie found her self happy and smiling while Kale did the same even though the school was still talking about the party on Saturday night, Charlie didn't recognize it.

Charlie waited a few minutes inside the school after the last bell of the day to see if Radin would walk out to her car, hoping Kale or Lauren would deal with him, but she never saw him. So in the end Charlie Radin walked out of Scrathmore High's school doors, smiling because somehow Kale's face was stuck in her mind. As she walked happily with the sounds of her name being thrown around in gossip muffled a cold shiffer ran up her spine. "Hey!" a loud, familiar voice called. Charlie was walking through the parking lot passing back the last brick wall of the school when the voice called out again. "Charlie Radin!" She stopped for a moment and didn't even turn around as she heard footsteps walking towards her. Charlie bit her plump bottom lip as she turned around her blonde hair floating in the wind. "Hey _baby_."

Charlie Radin has made some radical decisions in her life, and these decisions were life altering. And many of these decisions were shielded by love, interruptions and _sex._


	8. Chapter 8

Critical Screening

**Chapter 8**

"Come on, Spirit. We had fun." A tall strong looking boy said standing in front of a much younger, scared looking cheerleader Paige Michaelchuck. "Fun? You call what you did to me _fun_?" Paige cried back at the older boy who had raped her nearly six months ago. On Degrassi: the next generation.

Charlie knew what that felt like, to have that feeling of hope, and hurt and anger. But this was something different although the same quote and feelings applied. Because once you were pulled down by someone and something like Charlie Radin had been its hard to get back up, and it hurts even more when you have the sudden feeling of getting pulled back down.

It was a dangerous feeling and for Charlie Radin that feeling came back in a minute, and nothing could stop her. She closed her eyes for a quick moment thinking that life was playing one of its dirty little tricks on her, again. Or she was having some cruel dream. Or just to take a minute and think about how she was never allowed what she wanted.

When she opened her eyes again he was still standing there. He was taller then she was, but not any taller then he had been when Charlie had last seen him. His hair was short, scruffy black hair with dangerous blue eyes. He was wearing jeans and a t shirt but the way he was standing in front of her you might have thought he was wearing a tuxedo.

Charlie Radin's heart was beating ten times quicker then usually and suddenly her palette was very dry. "I got to go." She finally said pressing her fingers against her forehead and turning around walking quickly towards the parking lot. "no wait." His voice called coming closer to her until a tight grip held around her wrist. Charlie looked behind her for a moment with a glare in her eye and he reluctantly let go.

"Sorry." He muttered as if he should have known better. "I just want to talk to you." She turned around to face the man, but continued to walk backwards towards her car hoping he would leave. "Good for you." She said forcefully, pleading not to loose her cool on the outside.

Because on the inside Charlie Radin was a hot pool of fire but at this moment ice was quickly falling in and melting while holding a strawberry daiquiri. She felt like jelly. Her strong and fire burning self was turning into a puddle of worthless junk, a person she never wanted to be again. But that's how he was made her feel, she couldn't help it.

"What are you doing here?" She asked as he still followed her as Charlie walked backwards facing him. "Summer break." He responded. "From _what_?" She replied sarcastically. "College." She grunted, he seemed so much older now then he had a year ago.

Although in grade years he was only a year ahead but in actuality he would be turning twenty next month, she remembered that. But he left her earlier. She remembered as she stopped walking now and was just looking up into his eyes. Ian Rowland had left town before every other college bound student did. He left before his high school career was over.

Charlie Radin had told her boyfriend Ian that she was pregnant in May of last year, three months into her pregnancy. Two weeks before that she lost her close friend Amanda Hilfiger. And that same week, her relationship with her best fiend Kale Manning changed. And it would be two and a half months later in which she had her abortion.

But it was only May 7th that Ian Rowland had left their little town. Exactly six days after his girlfriend Charlie told him she was pregnant with his baby. So how he was in college, baffled her. And now it was only dawning on her, that it was nearly exactly a year ago in which this all happened.

"Can we go somewhere?" Ian asked. And strangely enough, even to Charlie's own surprise she thought about it. "Charlie" A familiar voice called a couple feet away. She and Ian looked towards the voice. "is every thing alright?" Kale continued. "yeah." She mumbled walking over to the car door as Kale looked at Ian slightly annoyed.

"Kale" Ian said coldly looking at the two of the standing side by side. Kale Manning ignored his existence and got into the car as did Charlie. Charlie sat her hands on the ten and two of the steering wheel and arched her eyes down at the dashboard of the car, yet she could still see Ian's body leaning against the brick wall in front of them. "Who's that?" Lauren questioned after a few moments in quiet.

But still Charlie Radin stayed still taking these last few breathes. She slowly turned her head to the right and met eyes with Kale. She attempted to smile and somehow in this strange and heart wrenching last few moments Kale kissed her and Charlie happily kissed him back.

"I _am_ back here." Lauren Manning spoke again. Charlie smiled again, weakly, but it was meant to be sincere. As she looked outside of the windshield once again at the brick wall Ian Rowland had now vanished, as if he never existed. Charlie Radin pulled slowly out of the now mostly empty student parking lot and drove down the quiet main road towards the Manning's household.

She stopped abruptly holding in all the feelings she was having inside of her, afraid to let anyone know. Because according to Charlie, all that Kale knew was that Ian left and broke her heart, but maybe deep down she knew the truth that Kale knew everything but she couldn't face that realism, especially not now, in these circumstances.

"yeah… I'm going Kale." Lauren said as the car stopped further into the driveway of Kale and Lauren's house. She knocked her backpack hard against his seat making it bump against his back hard; she smiled as she nearly skipped up the driveway and into the house.

Kale opened his mouth but the harsh feelings and anger she was holding inside of herself barked out before Charlie could think. "_I don't want to talk about him." _"Okay… sorry." Kale said softly. "No, don't be." Charlie replied sorrowfully. "it's not you." Kale nodded once more. Charlie took another deep breath afraid to say something foolish. "Kale… I'll call you later, is that okay?" Charlie asked sweetly, the voice that she had come to be heard as of late.

"Yeah, Chase." He said looking at her oddly as if he could understand what she was thinking from just a look, which she knew just as well as he that he could. And without causing too much suspicion she leaned across the seat and wrapped her arms around Kale hugging him tightly to her body. Which seemed so much less then what they had been caught doing the girls bathroom earlier that day, but in ways it was just as sexual.

But this hug relaxed Charlie slightly and even made her heart beat at a normal rate.He reluctantly pulled away as he tightened his body around Charlie's. "I'll see you later." He said with a smile as he got out of the car dragging his backpack behind him. It wasn't long before Charlie Radin was driving away again in her Buick.

Inside of the Manning household was quiet as Kale walked in. His car was sitting out in the driveway being held up in midair by stands waiting for his dad to actually put a wrench and hammer to use. But now his over protective father was at work and his sister was sitting upstairs in her room, the music blasting from the stereo equipment.

He walked up stairs slowly a little whirl wind by the day. And although as he thought about the girl who was suppose to be his best friend, Charlie Radin, but now she was his girlfriend. Although he knew too well to toss around that term.

The music blasted through the hall louder as Kale walked down it remembering Ian's face, his stance and his obtuse behavior. He wanted to make him go away, permantly. But everyone knew Kale Manning wouldn't do that.

His fist rose in the air and was hitting his younger sisters door, when there was no answer or lowering of the anger girl rock music her barged in. "hey!" she cried over the loud music. He stammered through the messy room, Lauren's clothes were laying across the room covering most of the rug, garbage was pilling up in the corner covering over the garbage bin and the bed was now sheet less.

Kale walked over to the stereo equipment sitting on an empty desk and hit the button blowing the whole house to silence. "Jesus, Kale." Lauren sulked. "Silence child." He said sarcastically walking towards the hall. "That was the guy who got her pregnant." She continued with a kind and gentle face for one and a sweet voice. "Wasn't it?"

Kale was standing in the doorway by now and slowly turned around looking at his sister. "Yes. Lauren. What do you want to make out of it now." He said solemnly. "Nothing, honestly." It was like she knew, everything he never wanted her too. "Do you love Charlie?" She asked still in her kind voice. "It takes more then a day to know." She smiled. "But you've had sixteen years to find out." She smirked now, her tones of sarcasm returning. "Do your homework." He said shaking his head as he closed the door behind him.

While Charlie was pulling into her own driveway not to much farther down the street her calm was giving in. The strength she was using to hold back all her feelings, perhaps mostly anger was leaving her with out energy. She didn't understand what he was doing here draining her brain power. But the time she was walking up the steps she was growing with anger and slammed the front door shut letting time slips of anger out.

"Honey!" Mrs. Radin called from the kitchen stool as she sat alone eating a sandwich that Radin usually made for her in the morning, yet Charlie questioned how it ever got made. "Hi mom." She murmured under her breath. But as she continued walking through the house, towards the stairs Charlie's mother called out to her again.

"How was your day?" And she almost laughed. Because it could have been a good day, a wonderfully life changing day but in a few mere five minutes it became life changing in a different way and earth shattering. "Fine, mom." "Charlie." Mrs. Radin said again as her daughter turned around.

"Isn't Ra_- Kevin_ home?" Charlie complained angrily. "Well no." Mrs. Radin said sadly. "I was going to ask you where…" She continued but Charlie Radin cut her off. "I don't know where he is. No." Charlie looked at her mother for a moment longer just sitting there looking down at her sandwich, upset because god forbid her lovely Kevin Radin wasn't home. This wasn't making Charlie's mood any better. "I've got homework." She grunted before running up the stairs and slamming that door as well.

Charlie almost had the urge to cry, she hardly ever did this. And now in the state of mood and nostalgic tones she had she remembered the last time she cried. It was late July and the night after she had her abortion, she sat in her room alone for almost a week and for the week she cried and cried and cried. And then begged herself never to do it again.

So Charlie knew what it felt like to be alone and unhappy and taken advantage of. She knew what it was like to be loosing a battle that was lost long ago. She knew what it was like to have everything go right then have it all go so wrong. To have the past come back to a place he never belonged in the first place. Charlie Radin knew what it was like to think back to every move she made and wonder if she just changed it if things would be better. She knew what it was like to not want to cry, to promise herself she wouldn't and then do it. Because that's what she was doing, sitting in front of her bedroom door crying, soft tears rolling down her eyes.

It was soft and subtle so even she could convince herself it wasn't true. Because even though her tears still streamed she leaned over grabbed her clicker and turned on the television staring at it for support, for answer. Then her cell phone rang and she prayed it was the god she didn't believe existed telling her that she was ready to be taken now, and he was just calling to tell her that the devil would be there soon to bring her to a nice very hot topical place called Hell.


	9. Chapter 9

Critical Screening

**Chapter 9**

"Andie, if for only one minute you wanted to sleep with him, then maybe it wasn't a mistake." "But Pacey." Andie McPhee begged but he continued on slowly and kindly. "Maybe you sleeping with him was just your hearts way of telling you that I'm not the one." Pacey Whiter said looking down even though his heart was wrenching out.

"That's not true." Andie spoke again. "I'm just _not_ the one for you." Pacey continued looking into his ex-girlfriends crying eyes, his first love and stayed firm as she walked away towards the creek of Capeside, Massachusetts.

It was all about timing and truth and heart break. If it was true that Andie slept with the other man on Dawson's Creek because she subconsciously knew that Pacey wasn't her true love, then would it work the other way around. Could you sleep with someone knowing subconsciously that they _were_ the one?

Could your life work in reverse of others. Could you already have done something that changed your life, and_ then_ have an interruption enter, to only confuse you and shake things up? But for Charlie she couldn't consider such things because that's not how it worked on the television. An interruption a change, entered before anything drastic took place, so how could the event already happen before the interruption? And how could these things mean the same way if flipped around?

Charlie's cell phone was lying on the ground next to her as tears fell down her eyes silently and the television flashed on the desk. She sniffled and sucked in the tears as she picked up the phone reluctantly. "Hello?" She asked softly hurt in her voice. "Charlie is that you?" Emma Watson asked happily. "Yeah. hi Emma." Charlie grunted as she leaned on the bedroom door handle to pull herself off the ground.

"I just wanted to apologize…for today?" Charlie rolled her eyes as she walked over to her bed and lowered the television volume from her remote. "Huh?" "In the bathroom…I didn't know you were in there." Charlie slightly smiled at the sound of her friend's voice but that quickly faded. "Its okay Emma." There was a pause. "so are you and Kale dating?" she croaked probably digging gossip for the rest of the group, who was wanting it for the rest of the school, who wanted it for the rest of the town.

"Umm, yeah, I guess." Charlie responded softly feeling very odd all of the sudden. "are you okay there Charlie?" "Yeah…" She said slowly. "Look Emma, I'll see you tomorrow." Emma made a small noise and responded: "bye." When Charlie Radin hung up the phone she threw it across her room and it just missed her wall and heavily fell on the ground as she turned back to the television.

She turned the channel hour after hour watching an new show, with new characters and new stories lines, always looking for answers. There weren't any but these shows sent her therapy until her father slammed on her door, just getting home from work, so he was still sober. "Yeah?" Charlie cried walking to the door and slowly opening it. Her father was standing in the door way looking down at her slightly wearing a suit and tie with his arms crossed. "Where's your brother?" He asked angrily. "I don't know." She grunted. "You don't know?" Mr. Radin repeated with a tone in his voice which scared Charlie.

"What's the matter with you?" He asked looking his daughter up and down. "Nothing dad." She replied. "Where's Kevin?" He asked again. "I have no fucking clue!" she called. "I haven't talk to him!" He grimaced at him. "Well you better figure it out." "How am I supposed to know?" She looked around her room, now that he was inside.

"You guys have the same friends." Charlie almost laughed. "Where the hell have you been? We haven't had the same group of friends for a year Dad." He looked at her again and his face fluttered as Charlie heard her mother call: "John! John!"

Mr. Radin walked out into the hallway and looked down at his wife. "yes." He said kindly. "Someone called names Amanda, our son is there." Mr. Radin nodded and looked at his daughter. "Pick him up." He grimaced before walking down the stairs.

Charlie protested as she walked downstairs but her father was giving Mrs. Radin her pills. Charlie slammed the front door shut and drove down to Amanda Hilfiger's house and pulled into the driveway and held her hand on the horn, having it beep incessantly.

Radin walked out from the house, kissing Amanda hardly, then rolled his eyes as he saw his twin sister's car. He got into the car and buckled his seat belt. The car was silent before Charlie had the feeling, the need to annoy him. "So your staying at your girlfriends house." She grumbled. "Well I didn't feel like being chased through my house as well." He said sarcastically.

"I never thought I would have to worry about you getting into my business, never the less tossing it around the whole school." Charlie said quietly. "You knew how hard it was for me, Radin." He smiled. "You don't seem to upset now, walking around parties and school like your earth's god given present. But now everyone knows its just because your fucking your best friend… although no mystery there."

"Radin!" She cried as she drove. "you know what, just because you don't get any, don't take it out on me… your just made because your not invited to _those_ parties and no one even knows who you are except that you're my brother." She laughed slightly. "That's probably why you go by our last name, just to throw it into peoples faces that you actually related to me."

"I see right through you Charlie, you act like you don't mind of who've your become, but I know you don't like being the center of attention and that you have to go to the parties so you can get drunk so you wont remember your life, the only thing I'm iffy on when if comes to you is if you actually love Kale or not, cause sometimes I think you still miss Ian Rowland." By now Charlie was pulling into the Radin's driveway.

"Don't you dare speak about him Radin, you know nothing, NOTHING, about Me." he smirked again. "And I think I have my answer." He added opening his car door. "I mean really if you're not embarrassed by Kale, why does it matter to you who knows you slept with him? Aren't I right…" He trailed off as he walked into the house closing the door angrily behind him.

The sun was setting, Charlie noticed as she looked over the horizon as she stood outside her front door. She closed it behind her once she walked in and went straight up into her room, having no mood for talking to anyone.

The night sky was completely dark she picked up her phone from the corner of her bedroom and dialed Kale's number into it. "Hello." He said softly. "hi Kale." Charlie responded solemnly as she sat on her bed, her back against the wall and her knees pressed to her chest. "Is everything okay" Kale asked from the sound of her voice. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She responded trying to chipper her mood, but what her brother had said confused her slightly.

And now she wasn't even sure if she was making this phone call to prove Radin wrong or just because she wanted to, she felt like her mind was jumping through fire burning circles. "What are you doing?" "Just watching television." Charlie replied as she sat on her bed.

"And you dare talk to someone during this time." Kales voice was playful and he could have fooled Charlie for being happy. "I already sat in silence for five hours, hoping to find some answers in the tube Kale…" She said not to disappoint of what he knew of his best friend and or his girlfriend.

"Answers for what?" Kale questioned easing into his playful games for the truth. There was a short silence as Charlie continued talking without answering. "Yeah… so about today" She said but instantly thought of how that topic probably wasn't any better then the last. "Yeah how was it?" He asked in a lighter tone, with a sense of urgency in his voice, feeling the same as Charlie as he sat in his own house on the roof outside his window escaping the inner of his household.

"I thought the morning went quite well, don't you?" Charlie said happily only remembering the good and trying to ignore everything else. "I would say so Chase." She blushed slightly although he could tell from her voice. No one mentioned the afternoon, they both talked like nothing was different.

Charlie's bedroom door pushed open as Kale asked: "…do you think he'll go away?" "Huh?" she asked as she looked at her doorway. "Kale, can you hold on a second." He grunted as she flipped the phone away form her mouth. "What do you want?" She asked looking at her brother who was smirking.

"Dad wants to know if you plan on eating this evening or if you're just going to stay held up inside this cave?" "No." "No what?" He asked still smiling at the phone pressed against his twin's ear. "No, I'm not eating." She said harshly but quickly continued. "And what the hell are you looking at." "You're on the phone?" Radin asked yet, he wasn't questioning her. "What's it to you." He shook his head as she walked slowly out of the room. "Plan on getting a ride to school tomorrow too!" Charlie called angrily as she talked into the phone: "sorry, what were you saying?"

Kale laughed slightly into the phone and replied: "never mind." "Okay." Charlie said softly. "Do you want me to bring you to school tomorrow?" Kale asked a bit later. "Your cars broken dumbass." Charlie replied sarcastically. "My dad fixed it." Charlie nodded as she looked at a commercial on the television for various season finales. "Yeah sure…" Her voice trailed off and her throat nearly gasped.

"Next Tuesday: after seven years it's time to say goodbye: the Gilmore girl's series finale." Something in Charlie Radin sunk. She watched Gilmore girls for seven years faithfully, and then reruns everyday at five o'clock. She owns parafinalia in her closer (though she never wore them) and owned every DVD set. Gilmore Girls won above other shows. This was the last thing Charlie needed on top of everything else.

"What's the matter?" Kale asked quickly. "Gilmore girls….is over." She said with a tear in her eye because after all she loved her characters. She followed them on every move and she learned from them, searched through their fictional life's for her own purpose. This wasn't fair. Because you must remember:

_Charlie was a mystery to everyone. She would like to compare her self to several people. Several morphed into one. If you asked Charlie Radin how to explain herself she would compare her sarcasm and expressive eyes to those traits of Joey Potter of Capeside Massachusetts, her love for food and fast pace talking from those of the residential Gilmore Girls in Connecticut. Charlie would express her blonde hair and sexy manipulative ways, to Maxie Jones, resident slut in Port Charles. But she would also compare her elusiveness and secretness, and sex appeal to a newly found character called Greta found on Palms Springs beneath the hidden palms._

_And if you haven't caught on, all these people in which she would compare herself to, are all fictional. Fake. Unreal. Un-realistic. Yet these are the people and places that sat on the tip of her tongue. And this wasn't because she aspired to be these characters it was because she loved them, in the most profound way._

_When Charlie Radin watched television she wasn't talking on the phone, typing on the computer or even doing homework while looking at the screen, watching television was an impressive event for her. When Charlie watched a show, she stepped into the screen, and when your watch a show over and over in sidinication and new episodes for years, you come to know the characters and the people surrounding them and become attached. Like those who you know in real life. Well while Charlie was ignoring her own life and walking for an hour in her characters shoes, she became them, except she always was them._

Maybe in life everything that happened to you wasn't right or felt very good, but maybe they were needed just as much as those things that nice and loving. Like the start of a show was inspiring and meaningful because you knew it could only continue. But like a series finale, its over, only thing left is to imagine how things would go on and remember all those good times.

So now Charlie said loosing her sanity in a sort. Her best friend just became her boyfriend. Her twin brother her worst enemy. Her past was back and on top of it all her most loving and meaningful show in her heart was going off the air. Maybe that sounds stupid or over dramatic but for Charlie it was like loosing her best friend on top being on a roller coaster that just wont stop.


	10. Chapter 10

Critical Screening

**Chapter 10**

"You don't always know who your going to fall for, or if that person you want is the same person you need." Carly Corinthos – Jax said looking at her cousin in romantic parcel. "Sometimes you need the guy who'll spend all his money on you, or the guy with all the looks in the world but with out a touch of class." She smiled slightly. "or maybe the guy who's made with stone on the outside but with a heart of gold, so once you break through that core you knew what it was all for" Carly smiled as Lulu Spencer looked over her shoulder too see her best friend Spinelli smiling at her.

"Or sometimes Lulu, you need to have that guy who you always have known and who has always been there for you, the one you can trust… but you know if he is the one if you can't live without them." That was all true, that was all the truth for every single man and woman out there.

Once you couldn't live with out another person, you knew who the _one_ was for you. But first you had to decide who was that one guy, man, boy, girl, woman that _you _couldn't live without. In the end it doesn't matter what all the people around you are saying, or warning you about, or pressing you into.

Charlie walked down the stairs of her house the next morning and into the kitchen where her brother sat smirking the same way he had been doing for the last few days. Charlie swiftly ignored him. Mr. Radin had already left for work and Mrs. Radin was sitting in the living room with the nurse.

The doorbell rang and Charlie cocked her head to one side. "Is it your girlfriend?" She muttered as she took a bite of the apple in her hand. "Not today." He grunted as she walked towards the front door of the house. It rang again as she wasn't even half way there yet. "I'll be right there." She called across the house angrily.

She chomped again into the red shinnying fruit as she pulled open the large wooden door looking at the ground as she pushed open the glass door after it. "Hello Charlie." That deep familiar voice said as she looked up. At first it was the same sensation that it had been the day before. Complete and utter amazement and disappointment and anger. It was like Charlie Radin had forgotten that Ian Rowland had turned up at Scrathmore Academy yesterday, like she still hadn't seemed him for a year.

She shook her head, her lips pursing as she tossed her apple at his chest and he back away. She looked inside of the house as she grabbed her bag quietly and quickly to make sure no one had seen Ian standing on their front porch and closed the big wooden door behind her again as she stepped out next to him.

"Thanks?" he questioned tossing the half eaten apple to the ground. "What the hell are you doing here?" she cried. "You can't come to _my_ house, your cant be _here_." "But I am." He said quietly. He hadn't changed at all and he didn't care.

"I thought maybe…" He said softly peeking inside the house windows but Charlie protectively pushed him away from them. "See it." "What?" She questioned angrily. "Then house no." He shook his head but somehow nothing comprehended with Charlie. "If you have to be back in this god forsaken town Ian, it doesn't mean you have to be near me." Charlie moved off the porch and walked down the walkway.

"Aren't there things were need to figure out?" he asked quietly. "_No_!" She cried. He rolled his eyes and followed her. "You can't come to my house Ian, or my school, your not allowed in my life, got it?" Charlie Radin was completely serious as she crossed her arms avoiding looking at Ian whenever she could. But he laughed slightly at her. "I haven't seen you for a full five minutes, yet I'm in your life?" She looked at him with fury.

"Do you know what I'm thinking Ian?" She called looking into his eyes only to profess her fury. "Do you know what I do when I go home at night, or who I talk to?" He grunted looking at her. "Do you know what people say to me when I walked into those school buildings? Do you know who my friends are_ or anything has happened since last may_?" He shook his head silently. "Then you don't get to spat sarcastic comments at me, or come to my school or my house. Get it? I won't let you control me anymore."

"Charlie… I just want to see" She quickly cut him off. "see what? Huh Ian Rowland, the boy who knocked Charlie Radin up? The one who fell in supposed love with a jailbait?" Kale Manning's car drove into the driveway but Charlie didn't stop as she picked up her bag off the ground. "_The little boy who left her pregnant at two months? The one who broke her heart?_ _The little fucking asshole who left me here by myself to drown in my own mess!" _Charlie Radin's voice was cracking it reached such a high volume, her anger was rising as Kale came out of the car towards her.

She screamed at him but it was like no one had noticed. No one came out from the house, or the neighbors, the cars didn't slow down or calm as Charlie screamed her bloody head off at the scum who left her alone and didn't seem to care.

At first Kale was walking towards Charlie, but she turned around and gave him a loving look but made Kale stay still as Charlie turned back around. "And until you know what I've been through in the last year, don't call me, or look at me, or come and see me, because you will never understand." "Charlie." Ian protested. "What Ian? What could you possibly say?" He frowned a little as he looked at her sternly. "Where's_ our_ baby?"

Charlie's feet where planted firmly on the ground but her head was spinning. She could feel her stomach reach up into her mouth and her body slowly sway and the on coming darkness became clearer as her eyes rolled to the back of her head at the same time as it smacked hard against the ground making a deep rumble of noise as Kale came running to her side and Ian stood above her with a shocked look upon his face, a little frightened but Charlie knew none the wiser, she was out cold.

The ambulance came quickly down the street, Charlie was hosted up into the back of the ambulance the lights flashing. Radin and the nurse came rushing out just as Charlie was being driven away and Ian Rowland was already in his car the engine started. Kale was still standing there though telling the story but easily and simply leaving Ian out of it.

The nurse claimed that Mrs. Radin was too ill to set foot in a hospital for a purpose other then her own health, because of her mental physic and Radin had to get to school. Mr. Radin was no where to be reached and after an half hour of wasting time Kale hurried to her car, dropped Lauren Manning off at Scrathmore Academy and proceed to rush to his _girlfriends_ side.

Charlie's room was small and quiet. It laid with a large glass window in front of it leading out into a short hallway filled with people rushing in and out, back and forth. As Kale Manning walked up to the windows glare of Charlie Radin laying on a hospital bed hooked up to IV's her eyes still closed, a nurse walked out and up to Ian Rowland who was also standing there silently.

"Are either of you family?" She asked anxiously. "Well no…" Ian trailed off as Kale interrupted him. "I'm her brother." She nodded with a brief smile. "She's going to be fine, she's still asleep but she should be able to be dismissed this evening." Kale nodded with a jerk of his neck and looked into Charlie's window again, to make sure everything was okay.

"Are you guys dating?" Ian asked as he stood next to Kale both facing the window. "Yeah." Kale said shortly. "For how long?" "A day Ian, a day." Kale said with a slight snicker in his voice. "Where's the baby?" Ian asked with a crack in his voice.

But both Kale Manning and Ian Rowland knew it was neither of their places to tell. Kale shook his head and began to walk towards the row of seats down the hall. Ian grunted and Kale quickly turned around staring him down. "You need to leave."

"You're ridiculous if you don't think I'll be back." Ian scowled. "And you're just as ridiculous if you don't think I'll still be here." Ian smirked as he shook his head and walked down the opposite direction of the hallway.

Kale Manning sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs of the hallway with low hanging lights above him. The smell of death hung through the hairs as his eyes trickled across bad magazines and his feet fell onto the dirty floor, as time just ticked by. At first it was seconds, then minutes and then hours.

Near the end an excited nurse and doctor continued to walk in and out until the nurse walked up to Kale who was still sitting on the plastic chairs anxiously. "You can see her now." The tall nurse said before quickly walking away.

Kale walked in Charlie Radin's room and stood a few feet from her bed, her eyes were still shut and he was questioning himself if the nurse was mistaken. "Hey." Charlie said softly as her eyes fluttered open. Her voice was slightly horse and cracked constantly. "Its from the tube they fucking jammed down my throat the nurse said." Charlie added when Kale jumped at the sound of his voice. He smiled slightly.

"So how are you feeling?" He asked crossing his arms. She didn't answer. "What time is it?" Kale looked down at his watch and answered: "four o'clock." "Did you go to school?" she asked softly to stop the croaking of her voice. He shook his head. "Kale…" she said but her throat hurt too much to continue.

"Is _he _still here?" Kale shrugged. "he might be somewhere around here…I don't really know." Charlie nodded. "The nurse said you can get out of here today." "Wonderful." She grimaced. "What happened Charlie?" Kale Manning asked with a sarcastic sense in his voice. She wiggled around in her bed. "I don't want to talk about it."

Kale shook his head. "Okay pretend I am me and you are you and…" "And what are we now?" she added quickly. He grunted but continued anyway. "and were not this messed version of _us_." He cracked a smile and Charlie understood, he wasn't being mean or rude.

He just meant before, before a week ago when everything was the same and they were just friends. But maybe even a deep part of her knew before last year, when everything changed. "Seeing him creeped me out Kale, and he had to ask me, he had to badger me and questioned about it… I mean." Charlie's aching heart was beating faster had she gave it away, the secret she had been keeping to close to her away from Kale, slipped from her mouth like some bad song lyrics.

And for a moment Kale had even forgotten that he wasn't suppose to know the truth. He forgot about the conversation Charlie forced with him explaining the "rumor" of her being pregnant last year and who it was started by and why… she made it all make so much sense except it was exceptionally fictional just like Charlie's television characters. A blind bat could tell she was pregnant.

Kale's face turned warm and he turned around as he continued: "what you never told him the rumors were fake?" "He left before I could." Charlie lied and yawned fakly. "I hope I didn't keep you too late on the phone last night." Kale said in conclusion although his voice was faint. "no, it wasn't you." There was awkward silence as Kale walked across the room his hands in his pockets.

"do you know where my clothes are?" Charlie asked. "I mean, why do they have to take them off to treat a patient then they put us in these ridiculous dresses no matter what gender you are, and they have your ass hang out then have the audacity to hide my damn clothes." Kale picked up the folded pile of clothes in the corner and handed them too. "What it's true." She said sheepishly her voice still cracking as Kale left the room shaking his head sarcastically.

Sometimes it was harder to find that person you couldn't live without. But its obvious that love triangles stand strong in the world and for many reasons that choice is harder then searching. Because to choose between two people give you a choice, you immediately know you don't have to search or wait, but _you_ hold_ your_ fate in_ your_ hands.

That deep pressure that's heart break. But sometimes the pain you cause yourself touches more than one person. You cant choose one and not hurt two. You cant love and not hate. In Dawson's Creek In the end Joey realized and made the decision that although the on going love triangle was about her, she also realized that she was never the one to settle, she wasn't suppose to the be the person who ended the friendship that never succeeded.

Well what happened when choice one and choice two were never friends, but the triangle still existed and the hurt lingered in the air? The choice has to be made, and its just a question is who will be hurt?


	11. Chapter 11

Critical Screening

**Chapter 11**

"I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not. I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation beget disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma." George Lass said, and although she was dead she spoke the truth.

If you've even watched an episode of the late great show called Dead like Me, you understand that George Lass is an undead grim reaper and holds all the angst of Joey Potter. But in life weather at heart you were a good person or a bad person, you were always punished. And in both circumstances could be done by your own self.

The worse of the two hurt themselves through their own faults and evil doings. The better human being hurt themselves through guilt and_ choices_. We often punish ourselves for things that are now out of our reach. We may have made a choice about one thing or another that effects our future. But usually and most likely these long term choices effect more then us, more then one person because if they didn't they would be much, much, easier.

Charlie Radin walked out from her hospital room fully dress dropping her only half hospital gown on the floor behind her. But to her surprise Kale wasn't standing out there and shamefully Ian Rowland was. She grunted and crossed her arms looking around. "Where'd Kale go?" She asked quietly wishing she hadn't said anything. "To get the car around in front… he's coming back up." Charlie nodded.

"I got to get home." Charlie continued walking past him. And realized that perhaps this would be the last time she saw Ian alone, without a sole near her or Kale close by, secretly Charlie hoped this was true, so she stopped and turned around looking at Mr. Rowland. She shuffled her feet towards him and grunted under her breath.

"Ian." She said boldly. He looked at her hopefully as if she was going to ask him back to her house to talk, or do something more in his own dreams. He was praying she would drop her anger and natural sarcasm and talk like a normal, sweet being but Charlie Radin had lost that ability to connect the normal sweet being inside of her.

Instead she said this "There isn't one." She said coldly. "What?" Ian asked truly confused by her swift bob of her head moving towards him as she spoke quietly and backed away as she was finished. "You asked about the baby, our baby." She said taking deep breaths to make sure her body didn't collapse again. "and Ian, there isn't one."

Ian opened his mouth to speak to her, or perhaps to let out a small whimper because the wetness of his eyes reminisced of tears but Charlie Radin once again coldly turned away and slowly walked down the hallway, because in her mind Ian Rowland deserved nothing more of her, excspcially sympathy.

Kale met up her coincidently in the elevator and traveled back down with her. Charlie's arms were crossed and sadly enough she could feel tears muster up in her own eyes. "Your not suppose to be walking." Kale said jokingly. "When have I ever let myself do what I was told?" Her tone could have been mistaken for happiness, but inside of her she slightly was to be walking next to Kale out to his car where they would drive away together.

"You fell alright?" Kale asked as she put the car into drive. "I'm fine; I don't know what came over me, Strange right?" She asked uncomfortable. "Yeah, strange." Kale Manning said back to her. Although earlier this day he had obviously heard things that according to Charlie shouldn't be able to make sense of but of course he could and did.

Charlie could feel Kale staring at her as he came to a quick stop in front of the Radin household. She could feel his deep eyes dig into her face as she looked forward but couldn't help herself anymore and looked back at him. There were some awkward seconds of wandering and bobbing before they're lips finally met as they had before.

Charlie pulled away and bit her bottom lip which made Kale only want to be with her more. "I'll see you tomorrow." "Wait, your going to school." Charlie nodded in return. "Nothing can keep me down Kale; you out of anyone should know that." And even though there was joy in her voice her face was serious and her eyes stern as she closed the car door behind her.

Charlie walked inside and it was as if nothing was different. Had the even noticed an ambulance out side the house this morning she wondered? Charlie Radin grunted as she stood in the beginning of the television room curling her toes around the carpet looking at her brother, even though she would have rather not saw him tonight.

"Did you notice any flashing lights this morning Radin?" Charlie finally asked him sarcastically. "Oh yeah, well we all had better things to do then worry about you yet again." He barked. She shook her head and turned around facing the front of the house. "Is dad outside?" She asked before moving again. "Yeah, he took your bottle of vodka from your room." Charlie shook with anger even though she could hear her brother softly laugh in the background.

The next morning the drive to school was too short and took not enough time to miss homeroom. But with ease Charlie wondered the halls of the academy and waited by Kale's locker until the first bell rang. He came wandering up to her slowly with a solemn look on his face and his arms crossed.

"Hey." He said quietly. Charlie Radin looked at her boyfriend for a _moment _and grunted. "What's the matter?" "They know…" He said darted his yes. "They know?" Charlie added nodding her head mocking Kale's voice.

"I didn't tell them you went to the hospital Charlie, but someone did." She squinted her eyes and scrunched up her face. "Sorry Chase." Charlie finally shrugged as if it didn't bother her that people were talking about, again. "Hmmm yeah." Charlie muttered. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly. Chase Radin nodded quickly after.

"So where's Ian?" Kale asked obnoxiously as she turned the dial to various numbers on his locker as Charlie now leaned her shoulder against the end of the row of lockers. "I don't know." She grimaced rather angrily. "I have seen him since yesterday." And desperately Kale wanted to know if Charlie ever answered Ian Rowland. _"No, Ian there is no baby."_ Kale wanted so badly to just ask her but of course he shouldn't, nor couldn't.

Kale darted his head to the right and Charlie followed him down the hallway ignoring stares and hugging her purse tightly to his chest. "Do you like want to hang out later?" Kale finally asked. And Charlie slightly giggled. His voice sounded nervous yet prepared to sound calm. "Um like a date?" She questioned. Kale nodded looking at her. "Sure Kale." She said with exasperation in her voice yet happiness and a clear cut smile. And as the moments went by Kale was beginning to forget what it was like to hate Charlie Radin. He almost forgot why he was toying with the idea at all. Kale Manning wondered how that feeling even ran through his body, he was falling hard.

"I'll see you later." Charlie said pointing her thumb to the nearest door. She leaned forward and slightly upward planting her lips on Kale's cheek before waving slightly as she walked away into the filled classroom. It wasn't long through Charlie's English Literature class that Kale began running through her mind. And the thought frightened her slightly because not long after his legs were running through came Ian Rowland's.

At this same time, Kale Manning was thinking about how easy it would to be to just tell Charlie he knew. He knew that she was pregnant last year and had an abortion. In Kale's perfect scenario Charlie didn't care that he kept it a secret from her, and she actually thought it was good that Amanda Hilfiger told Kale as one last "friend-ish" tale.

In this alternate reality Ian Rowland suddenly disappeared into a black abyss. Had Kale actually been so blinded to think these things? Of course he was. His lips curled and his heart raced as the bell rang. And all these marvelous thought disappeared in the same way he wished Ian would.

"Radin!" Kale called insticively as the other twin began walking towards the door. He slowly turned around and looked at Kale as if he had already known what he wanted. "Can we talk for a minute?" He continued casually walking closer to him. "What do you want Manning?" Kevin Radin cracked.

"Why'd you have to go around and tell everyone your sister was in the hospital?" Radin snickered shaking his head. "I didn't." He said boldly. "I don't give two shits if Charlie's sick or whatever excuse she has now, I wouldn't waste my time spreading that, I mean you guys hooking up is much more interesting then a few flashing lights." Kale crossed his arms leaned towards Kevin farther. "Then who did?" His voice was crisp and stern.

"How should I know?" Radin looked at Kale manning with widened eyes and a smirk across his face and shook his head. "Good luck with her." He spoke patting Kale's chest sarcastically before walking out into the crowded hallway.

There was more then one choice to made, in many cases. For many people. Things were changing or perhaps had already done so. Things can't ever stay the same, not for long enough. Because once you get comfortable with your surroundings everything changes on you again, and the process repeats itself.

But how can you deceiver from a good person or a bad one. A good person can make poor decisions and a bad person could have a streak of good hidden inside of them. You can make a mistake that changes your life and forever change the way people look at you. Others can do the same and it's just another day in the park.

Charlie and Kale as a couple was already something new and strange and having Ian Rowland was just strange and uncomfortable. But what about all the things that were left unsaid long ago. Its easy to say you let go. But letting go isn't just a one time thing you have to constantly do it over and over again, every day. And when the things you are letting go of come back to haunt you again, the trust within yourself is easily tested whether your good or bad.


	12. Chapter 12

Critical Screening

**Chapter 12**

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." Meredith Grey's voice sounded over a screen panning across Sacred Heart Hospital.

"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away." She continued with slow breaths in between and the screen went blank.

Pretty much every human being in the world carried power among them. They may not be aware of it, or phased by it, but we all posses it. Sometimes this power represents the person's true being and sometimes just a false provado. Ian Rowland took Charlie's breath away from the moment they first spoke, but that was false, he turned out to be someone completely different then the person who chose to be for those first few days.

But from the first moment that Charlie could remember her and Kale, he spoke at mere age of five and her breath was taken away but he never became someone else, he was always true. And the way that every human possesses the ability to take another's breathe away we all have the hope of the fairy tale ending.

Movies often end in the same way they began happily. The same theme and hope that the creators were stuffing down your throat throughout the two hours becomes the ending. The two main characters get married, become friends, smile, laugh, kiss and cut the end. There are few movies that end with a divorce, a breakup, an ending of something old and the beginning of the something new. Those are the real ones.

Television can be just as false as movies sometimes and even Charlie knew this, the series finale's can consist of every cliché in the book and suddenly all can be forgotten but then you can remember the last five, seven, ten years that the show consisted of and realize it took them that long to get here, to be happy to end with a closing screen and a cliché. So at least there was a struggle, a change, a benging and end. It was rare that these fairy tales actually existed in real life, without a camera.

A horned beeped outside the Radin household and the front headlights flashed into the empty living room. Charlie happily came out the front door without a word to any other Radin within the house. The passenger side car door opened widely as her blonde hair flew across the air only slightly too afar to touch the tip of Kale Manning's nose.

"Hey." Charlie said closing the door behind her, even though Kale's eyes with a fixed point on her. "What is something wrong?" She asked looking at herself. He shook his head. "I wore this to the homecoming dance? Don't you remember?" Her voice was harsher now and Kale shook back to life. "Yeah, of course." But in reality he only remembered one thing about that night, having sex with his best friend.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Charlie Radin asked as she fiddled around the with car radio with her left hand. Her arm outstretching closer to Kale's. "I was thinking the movies." Charlie nodded sitting back in her chair setting the radio to one clear station.

They walked into the Cineplex theater hands held, they're fingers intertwined loosely as they walked toward the middle of theater lobby, the tickets in Kale's hand. "Charlie!" A deep voice called from behind them. Charlie dropped Kale's hand like a rock and flipped around, Nickolas was walking towards them his girlfriend Kate not far behind.

"Hey guys." He said happily. "Kale you know Kate right?" "Yeah, I think we've met." He added softly. "So Charlie is everything alright, I heard about your trip to the hospital." "oh yeah, it was nothing big." She said softly, grumbling under her breath. Charlie flakily smiled looking up at her friend. "Um, Nick do you know who told you?" She added uncomfortably.

"It was just Emma, is that a problem?" Charlie shook her head. "Do you know who told her?" She asked quickly after. "You didn't? Then I have no idea." "Oh, um, that's okay." He smiled with charm as he reached his arm around Kate's shoulders tugging her body into his. "So what theater are you guys going to?" She piped up. "Ten." Kale said darkly. "Yeah us too!" Kate said happily. "Shall we?" Nick asked pointing to the theater.

Nickolas and Kate walked forward Charlie and Kale not long behind them. The four sat together in a row as the lights dimmed around them and the screen in front of the light up like lighting on a summer night. The movie was long and miss-edited.

Kale darted looks of regret and apologies for the poor choice. Charlie smiled and turned to the other side of her as Nickolas and Kate sat nearly on top of each other locked in with each other by their lips. There was no need to worry about their friends next to them or the people behind them, _apparently_.

Charlie grunted and crossed one leg over the other. Kale's face was minorly red. "This is really bad." Charlie murmured. "I know, it really is." Kale said softly. Kale shook his head towards the right, near the entrance. Instinctively Charlie nudged Nickolas who barely pulled away from Kate to wave before Kale and Charlie disappeared into the theater lobby.

"I am boycotting blockbuster _hits_" Charlie called sarcastically. "There so high budgeted that they've forgotten story lines and reality." Kale smiled and laughed quietly. "What?" "Your so diluted from reality I'm not sure if you know anything unless it was from a television show." "Shut up Kale!" And suddenly he was silent because he knew she was serious. Her voice was stern and strict.

"Do you want to go back to my house; I do believe my dad took Lauren out." Kale Manning asked with a sly slickness to his voice as he started the car. Charlie rolled her eyes looking at her boyfriend. "Slick." She muttered. Charlie leaned forward as Kale drove off onto the main road; she began to fiddle with the Radio tuner.

"Yeah, your house is defiantly empty." Charlie cracked as the car turned off silently as Kale parked in the Manning's driveway. "… I would never hurt you Chase." Charlie smiled back at him and opened the car door, Kale right behind her. "I know Kale." She said sincerely once they stood in front of the door. He turned the door knob and pushed the door open widely turning on every light switch along the way.

"These shoes are killing me." She said tossing her shoes aside to the wall, curling her toes into the blue carpet running along the ground. Charlie Radin flopped down onto the soft couch across the television that flickered in the night light and spoke quietly as Kale sat down next to her, resting his arm around Charlie's shoulder.

He turned to the right of him and planted his lips on Charlie's cheek sweetly. He wanted her the way he had many moons ago. Kale Manning remembered at the party when all he wanted to do is be with Charlie for the night. But then his mind raced back further to a time when they were both fifteen. It was the summer after their freshman year and both Kale and Charlie were going to the beach.

Kale Manning was walking up the steps of the Radin household to the second floor. Charlie's door was slightly open as she got dressed in a bikini, Kale a young man was curious and peeked through the door. At this time Charlie was slowly pulling up her bikini bottoms along her long lean legs and over her butt. By this time Kale's palms were sweaty and his heart beating ten times faster then it should have been. Even he could tell his face was bright red as she clipped her top around her back. He grunted and backed away from the door as Charlie at fifteen turned around her hair shorter then but just as beautiful.

"_Kale is that you?"_ She asked softly. He came into view once again and muttered: _"hey chase." "Can you do this for me?"_ She said tugging on the untied halter of her bathing suit top. _"Um. Yeah."_ Kale said nervously walking behind her. He continued to drop the strings of the bathing suit due to his sweaty hands and for a moment Kale Manning wondered what would happen if he completely dropped her suit.

Now at seventeen Kale Manning knew exactly what would have if he dropped the strings to her halter dress completely in this present time, and now he needed her more then he wanted her. Charlie turned to Kale biting her lip and pressed her lips against his forcefully.

Maybe Charlie felt the senses or the urges the same as Kale because for once in a long time Kale thought they were maybe thinking the same thing as he laid partially on top of her on the couch their lips meeting constantly.

People often say that the first kiss was the easiest filled with passion and impulse. But the second was harder, often awkward but meant more. It was the decision kiss, it sealed the deal and had more careful thought and planning involved. With sex it was the complete opposite. After the first time you do it, the second time seems to be ten times easier. Once the initial deed is done the second time seems like going for another walk in the park.

It's the third time around that complicates things. Its just as spontaneous as the first time but you already know what it will be like, you don't have the nagging feeling of just do it or you'll always wondered because you're already hooked and if you declined the invitation then your still hooked.

Kale wrapped his arm around Charlie's thigh and slowly ran his hand tightly against her leg up her skirt. Her heart skipped a beat as she felt his grip her panties as he rustled around them. She gulped and nearly jumped pulling her lips apart from his yet somehow Kale's hand was still intact with her underwear.

She looked into his eyes that were close to hers his lips smeared with lipstick. After second that felt like minutes Kale let go of Charlie's underwear and began to lean down again kissing her but she easily pushed him off of her. "Kale." She groaned sitting up forcing him to do as well. "What? What's wrong?" He asked quickly. And somehow he was wondering what he was going to do if she wouldn't do it with him tonight. Because he needed her in both sexual and loving ways.

Everyone has a fairy tale ending pressed in their minds. Weather it's prince charming or living without a care. Unlimited amount of money or never dieing. You have a dream of what the perfect life would entitle and who would be involve.

You know if this unbelievable fairy tale came true then your life would be perfect. But what if it never comes true, can you never be happy. How come your happy ending has to be that first dream you have entitled in your head. How come a movie never ends before everything is resolved, before everyone forgives each other. Because you want you belelieve what the screen is saying is true. The origin of the happy ending. But what happens when you don't get it, in the slightest bit.


	13. Chapter 13

Critical Screening

**Chapter 13**

"Announcing the final season of 'Gilmore Girls' is truly a sad moment for everyone at The CW and Warner Bros. Television. This series helped define a network and created a fantastic, storybook world featuring some of television's most memorable, lovable characters. We thank Amy Sherman-Palladino, Dan Palladino, Dave Rosenthal, the amazing cast led by Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel as well as the producers, writers and crew for giving us this delightful gem for the past seven years. We would also like to thank the critics and 'Gilmore' fans for their passionate support and promise to give this series the send off it deserves." Nancy Odell said solemnly over the television screen.

Her hands laid together in front of her body as she stood on the Access Hollywood set and the screen quickly changed. The ending of a definition. As all things had to end both good and bad, although it often wasn't fair it happened.

Life was a revolving circle, things started, they ended and it repeated. You make a friendship, you fight, you end it. You trust, your mistrust, your betray. You meet, you love, you hate. Then they all repeat. You learn how to slowly make a friendship again, trust again, and love again.

And sometimes the second time around works better then first and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you miss the first so badly that the circle begins again with the same aspects and things and people. The lucky few never have to learn the feelings of endings, of betrayal, of hate or of love lost.

"What what's the matter?" Kale Manning said springing off of Charlie's body as her hands pressed against his chest. "I have protection." He added solemnly. Charlie grunted as she ran her fingers through her hair and stood up. "I know you do." She said understandingly.

"Then what's the matter?" Kale continued desperately following her to the door. "I just can't, not tonight." Charlie gulped looking into Kales deep eyes before continuing out onto the front lawn. "Then let me drive you home." "No, it's fine." Charlie Radin insisted as she started walking down the sidewalk of the neighborhood Kale only a few feet behind her.

"Please." He pleaded. Charlie walked down the street barefoot her shoes in her hands when she came to a sudden stop. Her hair stood still in the quiet breeze and she bit her lip realizing what Kale had noticed from the first second she walked outside. This had happened before, slightly.

Five years ago Charlie Radin was hanging out with Kale late at night and refused a ride home from Mr. manning or a escort back to her house by Kale. Charlie walked down the neighborhoods sidewalks alone her blonde hair flowing behind her in the brisk dark wind that night. Kale waving to her from the top of the driveway until she could no longer be seen from the streetlights.

The rustles of the bushes didn't set Charlie off and neither did the soft sound of footsteps behind her. Charlie Radin hadn't noticed a soul around until she felt two soft yet harsh hands around her waste_. "Kale I told you I was fine."_ She said in a high pitched voice until she turned around and saw someone who defiantly wasn't Kale. The old scruffy overweight man let go of her waste and held out his hand. _"I'm Randy."_ He spoke harshly as she reluctantly shook his it.

"_Is this yours?"_ He continued. Charlie nodded taking the small empty wallet from his hand which was undoubtly hers_. "I want to show you something." "I have to get home."_ Charlie said angrily as he grabbed her wrist with urgency._ "My mother is expecting me."_

"_Oh this won't take long."_ He said slyly and tugged her behind a tall fence which hide a small empty park in which neighborhood children often played but on this particular night was empty.

"_Please let me go!"_ A young Charlie cried as he through her onto the floor and began to unbuckle his pants. _"I won't tell anyone, I promise! Just let me go!"_ He grumbled with a harsh smile across his face as he tussled her to the ground.

Charlie gulped as she stood on the sidewalk now at seventeen, thinking she had left that night so long behind her, but only now realizing that she hadn't walked home since that night. She turned to look back at Kale for a moment who was white as a ghost. "I'll be fine." She murmured.

Charlie sprang off down the street; Kale waited a long as possible even after she was no longer visible. Kale waited till he expected that Charlie Radin had already walked into her house, shot a sarcastic comment to her twin brother who was giving Mrs. Radin's night pills to her. Kale Manning walked inside when he suspected Charlie was walking into her own room slamming her door shut and pulling her hair into a high pony tail. This is exactly what happened. After the front door of the Manning house closed Kale ran up the stairs and jumped into the cold shower, letting the ice cold water run down his bare body.

The bell rang outside of Scrathmore Academy the next morning and Charlie Radin sat in home room quietly without Kale Manning in sight. "Where's your boyfriend Charles." A familiar harsh voice mocked from behind Charlie. She rolled her eyes and turned around to look into the wrath of Amanda Hilfiger.

"Hmm, I just don't know _Mandy_." Charlie said sarcastically as she kicked her right leg softly as it rested crossed over her left. "He must be out buying more condoms. He's practically the spokesman for Trojan man now, you know? …Well of course you don't my baby brother can't hold any longer then your grandfather." "My grandfathers dead." Amanda said with a solid voice. "So you do see my point!" Charlie Radin's voice was loud and fake just as the bright smile she flashed as Amanda Hilfiger before turning around in her seat.

Emma Watson turned around halfway and held out her hand, in response Charlie hit it with her palm spreading a happy smile across Emma's face as she took out her blackberry and continued to type away on it. "By the way Emma…" Charlie said softly now leaning forward.

"Yeah?" She asked still looking at her phones screen. "Nickolas said you told him I was in the hospital the other night, who told you _though_?" She waited a moment in silence before Emma looked up from her phone and made a whimpering noise. "um, you remember your ex Ian Rowland right?" Charlie's head was still.

"He was outside the school yesterday afternoon, I don't know what he was doing, he recognized me and we started talking, anyway he told me he saw you and then you were at the hospital." "When did he leave Emma?" Charlie asked with the most urgency. "He walked me out to my car and drove off right before I did."

Charlie bit her lip looking down at her desk. She wondered what he was doing at the school again but assumed he was waiting for her but got trailed off by Emma. But why was here again and why did he tell Emma, what was the point. "I hope I didn't cause any trouble by telling Nick." Emma added standing up after the first bell rang. "No, that's fine Em." Charlie added insincerely as she grabbed her books.

She gulped as she walked out into the hallway clutching her books in one hand and her purse in the other. She walked into a crowded classroom down the hall and took her seat. "Hey there Charlie." Kate said sitting down next to her. "Sorry about last night…" Her face turned mildly red. "Oh, its okay. I can't blame you." Charlie Radin said looking out into the hallway searching for Kale in the crowds yet somehow she wasn't sure if she wanted to see him or not.

"Yeah well you and Kale left pretty early yourselves." She said with a smirk and a wink of her eye. Charlie smiled softly without teeth and turned towards the board as the teacher began to talk without much authority among the senior students. "Almost forgot." Kate said tossing a folded piece of paper onto Charlie's empty desk. "It's from Nick." "Thanks." Charlie murmured as she opened it carefully.

"_Charlie, I saw Ian Rowland yesterday after school, he was hanging out in front. I'm assuming you do remember him. I didn't want to bring this up last night at the movies because of Kate and or Kale. I don't know what he's doing here, but he started talking to me and Emma. Talking about college and shit but he kept hinting at these underlying comments about you. After I left he was still talking to Emma but I just want to let you know I know. I know this isn't our usual drunken conversation –Nick."_

Charlie gulped hard in her throat and crumpled the note tight in her hand still looking at the desk as if the words were still laying out on it. "You okay?" Kate asked leaning over slightly. "Yeah, yeah, yeah." Charlie said trailing off. She carefully slipped the piece of paper into her purse to make sure if wasn't found and zipped it up tight.

Life is a revolving circle and just how things end and begin again, things can never end. Like a television sitcom at the end of a season it can be dropped like a secret in the tabloid or picked up for another round ago.

On a soap opera a story line begins and is only carried out slightly. There's a pause between one section and the other, things and time in between before the story is picked up and carried out for a final go.

Charlie Radin assumed everything that happened in the past would stay the past. She assumed that last years tactics would stay lasts years. But it was rapidly coming into view that they would be picked up for another season, another go around. Something Gilmore Girls would never get the chance to do, lucky them.


	14. Chapter 14

Critical Screening

**Chapter 14**

"When I fell to the floor tonight, I was so scared, I was so terrified. Then I saw you, and I promised myself that if I could just get up, I'd walk over to you... I'd tell you how much I need you and how much I want you... and how nothing else matters." Nathan Scott said with a deep heart of emotion filling his heart on One Tree Hill.

Sometimes it takes dire consequences to make someone realize what matters to them or who. Perhaps how much they care, how little they care or how much they need them. Some people believe before you die a flash of memories of your life flash before your eyes as if it's a dirty little trick for you to remember the worse times, the times you wish you changed instead of the happy.

If you believe this then you may also realize that the last feeling you may ever feel is regret. Regret who never told that boy you loved him, regret you never said those things to your mother or father. Those are the obvious. But what about regret that you didn't tell that guy off, that you never did scream you head off at this girl or maybe just regret that you didn't leave some things alone.

Life isn't fair. That statement is over said , over used and overly true. It's not, its not fair that some people seem to get it all and others none of it. But mostly people tend to recognize them dreams, their wants and needs when they are least possible in happening. That makes life not fair. Just when Nathan couldn't get up and tell her how much he loved her, he realized that he had to and it can be painstakingly hard just as much to wait as it is not to do it at all and _regret_ it.

The halls seemed more crowded them normal. As if a whole new class of freshman entered the Academy for this one pure hectic day. Charlie Radin searched the halls for Nicholas with his tall handsome hair and noticeable muscles but he wasn't found till the final bell rang, after not one sighting of Kale Manning.

"Nicholas!" Charlie called after him in the front of the school with slightly more anger then she intended. "Oh hey." He said stopping in his tracks and turning around to face the blonde bombshell. "I got that note." Charlie said one mutedly. Charlie's mouth opened to speak, she had many things to say and wanted even more answers but Nicholas beat her to it.

"I didn't mean to sound like I was butting into your personal business Charlie, it was just you know we're good friends and everything, and that guy was just hinting too close to something." "Yeah what something." Charlie mumbled under her breath. Nicholas seemed to ignore her and continue.

"Anyway, Ian he just kept asking about you, actually more so about you _and_ Kale." He grunted and widened his big gray eyes at Charlie Radin. "You mean like sexually?" Charlie asked dumbly with a look of disgust upon her face. He nodded.

"What was he saying Nick?" She asked quickly crossing her arms. "He was real big on if I or Emma knew how _close_ you and Kale have gotten. He also went out of his way to say he was your first, the whole thing was quite strange by the time I left he had changed the subject mostly by my own words."

Charlie was still concentrating on the last few words of Nicholas's note. _Charlie, I just want you to know I know…_She moved slightly in her spot and looked into his eyes. "Did he um, say anything about last year?" Nicholas suddenly got very uneasy. His face seemed to flush out and his eye lashes flutter quickly.

"Nick!" Charlie said after a few moments of silence, noticing the hidden expressions he held. Nicholas looked around and stared straight at Charlie. "…I think you know what I'm going to say." He bit his lip softly after.

Tear swelled in Charlie's eyes slightly. "He_ told_ you?" She asked with a strong quiver in her voice. "Charlie, he started muttering under his breath then he was telling me how you told him there wasn't one, so I asked him what and he said a baby. I mean I've heard rumors, I know you're not blind to that but I never believed them, they were always embellished anyway." Charlie could feel her own face flush out more so then Nick's had.

"I would never tell anyone, I promise." "Nick, Kale doesn't even know, I…I" She couldn't talk anymore; she was so embarrassed by her own self while anger burned within herself. "He doesn't?" Nick asked astonished. Charlie shook her head quickly taking a deep gulp of air that suddenly seemed to be in short supply.

"I got to go, Ill see you later." Nick nodded. "I'm having another party tomorrow night, since we have Friday off." He said as if that would somehow cheer Charlie Radin up from her down spiraling life. "Alright" She called as she raced off to the parking lot.

All she wanted was pure silence. Charlie Radin wished she was back in her bedroom the television on low, just enough for her own ears to hear and the door shut and easily locked, sitting in the corner all by her lonesome.

She wasn't that lucky as Lauren Manning was casually hanging out around her car. "Oh Hey Charlie." Lauren said with odd excitement "hi Lauren." Charlie said with deep regret as Lauren smiled at her, lips pressed together. "Can I get a ride?" She finally asked. "Sure." Lauren climbed into the front seat next to Charlie as the car started up with a grumbling of the engine.

"Um Lauren" Charlie said after the silenced killed her but not as much as the day at school she just left behind her. "Where's your brother?" Lauren giggled under her breath and looked out the window as if he was somewhere unspeakable, but that's exactly the vibe Charlie got, that he was in fact somewhere he shouldn't. "He said he had to go somewhere." Lauren continued. "Yeah, but where?" Charlie probed the youngest Manning. "Are you guys fighting?" She asked before Charlie could say anything. "No… why? Did Kale say something?" She shook her head as the Radin's crappest car to date pulled into the Manning house. "He's not home yet." Lauren said without moving.

"Now how do you know that?" "His train wasn't till 145." As quickly as Lauren said this she covered her mouth with widened eyes. "Train?" Lauren Manning slowly nodded as she let her hands fall onto her lap and looked at Charlie red in the face. "Train to where?" Lauren bit her lip and opened up her car door. "He went to see her grave Charlie; I wasn't supposed to tell you, no one was supposed to know…"

Charlie suddenly felt horrible for forcing it out of Lauren. And although she felt bad and upset for doing this to someone who technically was as close to as she was Kale, she felt slightly hurt that this piece of information couldn't be shared with her, at least from Kale.

The car moving again fast and before Charlie could think through going to the train station herself she was there. But as she sat there in her car waiting for his familiar face she swam through several different reasons of why she should or shouldn't be here.

Kale Manning obviously hadn't wanted Charlie to know what was going on with him besides all that she knew, let alone remind her of this horrible date, which she herself felt stupid enough for forgetting. But then again didn't Kale need someone like Charlie who could understand his situation around him since obviously his father nor his sister wanted to provide in these roles. These things made sense but a lot of things made sense to Charlie that she was hiding just as close to her own heart and away from Kale.

As Charlie Radin sat in her dirty old car in front of local train station. Things were changing all around her. The air was shifting and the summer months were rolling in, quicker then anyone anticipated. The last few weeks of both Charlie's and Kale's senior years were about to come swimming by them, but nothing was as easy as they anticipated.

As young kids both of them planned having all the high school experiences together, prom, sports, clubs, graduation and relationships but of course they never anticipated being in one together.

Just as easy it is to regret something, to wish you did it different or never at all, it was just as easy to anticipate. To be excited for one moment or another, to think of all the great things that can, will and should happen and then get there, have your heart racing fifty miles a minute and have it all goes so wrong.


	15. Chapter 15

Critical Screening

**Chapter 15**

"I don't want to lose you. But if you don't believe in me you shouldn't be here." Issac Mendenz said standing in front of her beauty but in his own filthy mess at the same time. "Fine. You think you can paint the future, paint one without me in it." Simon barked before taking one last look at the ever changing portraits painted by her now ex lover. Of course no one can really tell the future, like Issac can on Heroes.

Things couldn't be known before they actually happened. Weathermen can try to predict the weather but so often it isn't true. Physics can take your money but never truly read your palm. That's what makes life, life. You don't know what's coming at you next, or who, or why.

One tag line for another known show Boy Meets World would be : He's riding the roller coaster of life. If life wasn't filled with ups and downs it would be more like the twirl a whirl. And much less boring.

But sometimes you just wish life, or fate or destiny would just give you a break, a little step off the roller coaster just for a couple minutes of break time. You can only go through so much in your lifetime before things get to complicated before you become a completely different person then you were in past times.

Events and circumstances can change the way you react and think and sometimes this becomes permanent but for some people can you blame them? Can you turn your backs on them? Especially when you've known all along the things they never thought you would ever find out?

The gray and black train came rushing towards the station coming to a quite and jaded halt in the tracks as the door slid open and people rushed out of the cars like they had just came back from hell.

Kale Manning's face was soft and somber. A straight edge across his lips and his deep blue eyes looked towards the ground, a backpack sat loosely on one of his shoulders. Kale walked down the stairs of the train station as Charlie stood up out of her car leaning one of her arms across the open door seeing her boyfriend round the corner fully. Kales eyes met with Charlie Radin's and he slid her cell phone back into his pocket with out an obvious phone call have been made.

"_What_ are you doing here?" He asked rather coldly as he neared the door quickly. Charlie gulped. "Lauren told me where you were." He shook his head angrily not neccarily towards Charlie but towards his younger sister. "Kale I'm… so sorry." Charlie said deeply with her own tears mustering up inside of her eyes as she remembered Mrs. Manning bringing them to school one morning with lunches for both them, things were always so much brighter those days.

"It's okay you've have a lot of other stuff going on… we both do." Charlie shook her eyes a single tear falling down her cheek. "That's never an excuse." There was silence and all Charlie wanted to do is hug Kale and not because for the past three weeks they had been dating but because for the last seventeen years he had been her best friend and because she missed Mrs. Manning almost as Kale.

Kale looked liked he might have been crying all day as his eyes drifted back down to the ground. "Come here." Charlie said softly wrapping arms around him tightly. He dug his eyes into her shoulder and she could feel warm tears sink into her tee shirt. Her fingers trickled across his short soft hair on the back of his head and his grasp around her lower back tightened.

"It's okay to be sad Kale." Charlie said quietly still embraced in his arms. He pulled away from her quickly after she spoke. He pressed his two fingers to the upper bridge of his nose as he looked down slightly misnerved. "Kale let me take you home." He shook his head. "I can just call my dad." "I'm already _here_." Charlie barked but in a nicer way. He got in the car silently but slammed the door tightly. As she drove Charlie continued to slant her eyes towards her friend but he looked calm and solemn. As Charlie Radin awkwardly pulled into the Manning's driveway she turned off the car, unbuckled her seat belt and turned towards her friend. She looked at him for a long time before he ever seemed to notice. "Kale..." Charlie finally said. He shook his head obviously not wanting to talk but Charlie pushed just like Kale had so many times before. "Charlie I think I love you." He said abruptly before another word could be spoken. "What?" Charlie was barely able to murmur under her lips. "I mean I've always loved you. But now..." and he almost cracked into a smile as he stared down at his lap. And finally looked towards his girlfriend with his deep blue eyes. Charlie's mouth was clamped shut and she could feel her heart racing as if she had just been a car crash. Not only were the words strange enough to hear it was the tone he said it. Sending a chill down her spine.

When Kale finally did turn to look at Charlie she was white as a ghost looking just slightly past him. "I love you Charlie." He said boldly. And there it was, the worse part of getting what you always wanted, of finally have someone or something you could count on. That was the problem because once you found that one think you wanted most in the world the closer you come to loosing it.

And Charlie could tell that they just took that step whether she said anything or not. Kale stared back at her widening his eyes just waiting for the response that he soon realized he would never receive. Charlie Radin's lips quivered as she tried to form the words to explain, that she couldn't say the words he wanted to hear.

"I…well" He slumped back in his seat and pushed open his door shaking his head loosely. "Kale wait!" Charlie called before a door slamming in her face gave her the answer she wanted to hear from his mouth. He never looked before entering the Manning household which left Charlie with an even worse feeling inside of her stomach.

Just as quickly as Kale rushed into his house and away from Charlie, Ian Rowland was rushing towards the opposite. His tall body lean body walked along the empty hallway of his parent's house in town. His phone pressed against his ear and his mouth moving with soft words leaving it awkwardly.

"Oh Hi Ian." She said happily. "How are things?" "Fine, Emma." He grunted crossing his arms. "But what are you doing tomorrow?" "Actually there's a party over at Nick's house." He smiled grimily as he sat down on his bed looking at the burrow with pictures lying across the table top. "You could defiantly come along; see the old crew, the parts that's left anyway." Emma Watson said giggling.

"Yeah, that actually sounds really good." Ian said convincly over the phone. "I'll see you tomorrow them Emma." She giggled again nervously before the phone was hung up and Ian Rowland was up to his games again.

Just as Charlie anticipated getting drunk at Nicholas's last party, she never expected to sleep with her best friend. Just as she anticipated hating Ian Rowland, she never wanted to see him again. She never _anticipated_ any of these things going on in her life, yet they were happening.

There was nothing to wish had happened, because Charlie Radin stopped thinking about her future some time ago. She stopped wishing or hoping everything would go right because she finally realized it never would, although she never imagined so many things going on at once.

She missed a lot of things though, as any teenager, or human being would. Because change is scary and when change translates into loosing close ones it hurts much more. And no matter how much she hated Ian she would never stop missing the times when he was a good boyfriend, a good living soul a good human being before he turned into the evil person he became.

It's not fair that so much can happen one person but it isn't fair to think that the one person can take it all out on her peers and the ones they care about. When it comes to regret some things are irreversible and others can be fixed but among those things are the items that should and shouldn't be fixed. The question is how to decide which is which.


	16. Chapter 16

Critical Screening

**Chapter 16**

"You've been gone how long now?" Hannah barked her arms crossed. "Ten years." He replied just as quickly. "Right. I think it was two weeks before my 18th birthday that you left. Yes, I'm quite sure because I remember getting those roses, thinking they were for my birthday, but they weren't. They were a goodbye present as in; goodbye I'm no longer in your present." "I can explain." Nick rebutted as he looked out into the fall weather on October Road.

"It's not necessary." But no matter what she said you knew and the main character Nick knew that she was lying, she wanted an exclamation, she in fact demanded one but wouldn't let herself demand one through voice. Her sarcasm let you know the truth that she was badly hiding.

There are lies, and truths and the gray area in between. You may say one thing and mean another. Think one type and explain something else. It's hard to tell because matters of the heart are never that easy.

Charlie Radin knew she loved Kale but how? And how could she ever come to terms with it and say it? Could she tell him through a hug or a kiss but the real question was did she even want to?

She went into things to fast before and made a mistake, that everyone has done at one time or another. The problem about moving to fast into something unsure of is its usually to late when you finally realize the truth. But does that mean that Charlie loved Ian long after he was gone? Was that what was keeping her so far from Kale?

Charlie Radin's long lean body was leaning against the brick wall of Scrathmore Academy before she gave up and sat down on the bench giving her feet a rest. She looked at each person in the face who walked past her, in case he was somehow trying to sneak by. Finally Lauren Manning came rushing by her, her purse hugged tight with her and her eyes quickly locking with Charlie's.

As blue as Kale's were but she was widening them to the extent that her muscles were being overpowered. She finally nudged her head nearly unnoticeably to the right before she disappeared into the two big front doors of the school when her brother came into view much slower, his eyes wondering around the forier filled with people.

"Kale!" Charlie said getting up and suddenly his pace went quicker. "Kale." Charlie said again reaching out and grabbing his wrist tightly, he stopped almost automatically and turned around anxiously, he avoided eye contact with Charlie though and looked embarrassedly at another senior, Steven Alehouse who was walking by and she quickly dropped his wrist, but he didn't move.

"Kale please don't be mad at me." He continued to walk forward but at pass which gave off the impression that she was permitted to follow, not that Charlie would have backed down otherwise. "If I can't be mad, then I don't know what you expect me to be." Charlie grunted as she followed into the homeroom, everyone already sitting inside as the bell rang right after the couple entered.

"You can be mad; I just don't want you to be." Like a shift in the air the classroom including Radin, Amanda Hilfiger, and Emma Watson turned towards Charlie and Kale in their seats eyes on the two.

There was nothing she could do but Charlie could feel her own face turn warm and attempted to end the conversation but somehow Kale didn't get the message or he didn't care. "I don't understand…I don't understand how I could say something like then have you said _nothing_? I mean… and the night before?" Kale Manning's voice was harsh and cracking at the tones he pushed towards Charlie.

"What about the night before!?!" Charlie cried, outraged and her voice matched the anger of her counterpart. "You mean at exactly that time you had to leave? Then what the hell were we doing on that couch looking for your keys?" The classroom giggled as Charlie turned around in a huff. The room staring at her intensely.

"What did you say to her Kale?" Amanda cackled. "Huh? What?" Kale asked back at her in a confused state. "You said little Miss Charlie over here said nothing, well what exactly was she suppose to say." Mandy voice was just as sarcastic as Charlie slowly turned around to face her just enough so she could see Kale out of the corner of her eye.

"Amanda." Kevin Radin grunted under his breath quickly and uncomfortably. "Just leave this one alone." "What?" She asked nearly stunned from the words just as Charlie was the same. "Just um, leave them alone for now. Okay? I mean since when are they ever that interesting, if I wasn't related to her I wouldn't talk to her anyway right?" He said redeeming his sanctuary."

Amanda smile starkly at Kale and turned back around to Radin and kissed his lips lightly. "Your right." Charlie looked at her brother dumbfounded but he didn't seem to notice her existence. The bell rang and the class emptied out Kale among the mix.

"Hey!" Charlie said loudly pushing herself through the scrawny freshman and sophomores, and move along through the crowd following Kale over to his locker once again. "Kale, I know you're mad." Charlie began slowly. "But…" "But what Chase?" His anger cut through her like a knife. She shrugged and looked out into the hallway that was slowly emptying out.

"Are you least coming to Nick's party tonight with me?" she finally asked out of desperation. "_I'm _going. And I guess if you are too, I suppose we will run into each other." "Are you serious?" Charlie cackled. Kale Manning nodded with out a glimmer in his face and closed his locker door shut. "I need to explain something to you." Charlie said crossing her arms. The sternness in her friends face dropped and he spoke kinder now. "I'll talk to you at the party." He waited a moment and barely kissed her cheek before walking away. "Okay?" Charlie mumbled under her breath as he walked away leaving her in a picturestc way, alone in the silent hallway, baffled by the world around her, although now it seemed so silent.

Charlie Radin slowly made her way down the hallway and into her classroom taking her seat next to Kate, Nicholas girlfriend. It seemed like it was easy to get through the day, yet Charlie still had this weight laying right on her shoulders, something she couldn't get off her mind or her back until it was done, that wouldn't be till the party.

As Charlie zoomed in and out of her class lectures she remembered Nick's last party. She remembered being so drunk she couldn't handle herself and suddenly she wanted that feeling back, the lack of power she consisted she craved. It was strange to want to be out of control but just like that night she hoped and with a part of herself knowing that Kale would take care of her, and keep her out of harm.

But was that a lie? Could Charlie Radin truly know that Kale would have her back no matter what? Because no matter how much has happened in the last year, he was still there but what about now? What about now that things have changed, there relationship has changed and he came out and said all the things he was thinking yet Charlie couldn't muster up one ounce of it back.

It didn't seem fair, how Kale Manning could shed his heart and soul on her yet she couldn't shred some compassion for him. It wasn't that it wasn't there, even Kale in his angriest of moods knew that. But even though Charlie hadn't seen or talked to Ian Rowland in days he was in the back of her mind as he always was even after he had been gone for over a year.

Either way now, the last she saw him she told she had an abortion something that had been haunting her even more closely and probably always wood. Ian Rowland was sneaking back into her life just when she wanted to be with Kale. And now a party tonight that's mimics that of several weeks ago. So much came of Nicholas's party for Charlie Radin last time, but what about now? The stakes were higher, the emotionally level tighter and the tensions knife was sharp enough to cut through it.


	17. Chapter 17

Critical Screening

**Chapter 17**

"So what is the secret to our long-lasting and angst-free friendship? What is the one thing that keeps it going year after year after year after year?" Pacey asked snobbishly as he hung up the K-Marts phone. "We suck at meeting new people." Joey spat out. "Wrong. We do not, under any circumstance, talk about sex." Joey crossed her arms wearing Pacey's Witter's jacket and looked at him sarcastically. "Ok, so basically what you're saying is that the only way you and I can continue being friends is if we lie to each other about our sex lives... if we take that whole giant aspect of our lives and just... pretend like it doesn't exist?"

Pacey smiled as he ex-lover and we all knew what he was thinking. "Worked for you and Dawson." The couple that eventually ended up together at the end of Dawson's Creeks six year run, an obvious and simple answer for anyone such as Charlie Radin, who was now in her own situation.

Joey and Pacey stayed friends because of there now sexless relationship so he claimed. All the same Charlie and Kale never discussed who was sleeping with who and when and the gruesome details. But there sex lives had become one lately, what about now? What about when they intertwined.

The door opened to loud bumping party. Charlie Radin walked up the walkway and could hear the loud music blasting from the house down the street, unable to tell what it actually was because of the vibrations.

She closed the door behind her and flipped her around to the back of her shoulders as she pushed through the piles of people. She slipped by two guys and bumped up against several people dancing until she walked into the kitchen which was somewhat empty compared to the rest of the house. "Hey Charlie!" Nicholas yelled at her kindly giving her a friendly hug, she smiled politely. "Can I get you a drink?" "Um, yeah sure." Charlie hesitated. He came back with a bottle in one hand and a cup in the other.

"Nick have you seen Kale anywhere?" He shook his head. "I'm sure he's around here, its hard to pick anyone out in this crowd." Charlie nodded as she put the cup on the counter and poured a shot's worth of vodka into her cup and drank it down. "I didn't really expect this many people." Charlie poured another into the cup. "Anyway, I'll see you around." Nicholas said patting her on the back as he squeezed past her.

Charlie left the cup behind her and took the bottle deeply in her hand and wandered around the house. She found herself a spot on the staircase that lay in the direct middle of the surrounding party. "Hey there….. Charlie!" a familiar blonde said rounding the corner. "Emma." Charlie murmured before taking another swig of her drink.

Emma nearly fell over holding her hand out form the bottle of vodka that Charlie held. "How long have you been here?" Charlie asked laughing. "An hour, maybe two. My date got here um… early." She giggled. "Date?" Charlie asked again taking another sip from the bottle that she grabbed back from her friend. Emma nodded. "he's around here somewhere." "You haven't seen Kale have you?" Emma shook her head and began to walk away just as soon as another blonde came into clear view through the mix of people surrounding Charlie Radin at this moment.

"I have!" Charlie rolled her eyes and smacked her lips. "Have what _Mandy_?" "seen your little boy toy." Amanda Hilfiger was much more sober then Charlie, let alone the many of drunks around here. "Designated driver tonight?" Charlie beckoned ignoring Amanda. "Yeah for your brother, he's in the lou now." "The lou? Mandy, you're in America, no one cares you lived in England for two moments of your very boring life."

Amanda brushed Charlie's sarcastic comment off her shoulder and crossed her arms firmly. "Anyway, Kale is over there in the corner." Charlie nodded softly that it was hardly noticeable. "Now you can just go back to your little drinking abyss wont you." Charlie never answered by voice but took another long gulp of vodka not stopping until Amanda was out of her view.

After a moment of two Charlie considered her options after she finished off her bottle of vodka she stood up and headed off towards the far corner that Amanda had pointed to. "Charlie." A deep voice called after her as she approached the huge crowd of dancing drunks. She turned around looking into Ian Rowland's deep brown eyes, but hers were quite bloodshot. "Jesus, drinking much tonight there?" He asked as she nearly toppled over. "That would be none of your business." She said pushing his right shoulder. "why the hell are you doing here anyway?" He gulped. "I'm here with my date." He said pointed towards the staircase once again with his long muscular arm. Charlie glanced over there to see her blonde friend checking the empty bottle Charlie had just left behind.

"EMMA?" She screamed out louder then she indented. Ian nodded. "Don't you remember we always talked?" He looked slightly away from Charlie and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, he reminded her of a model and realized what her first and ultimate attraction to him was, which would be his body, his intense stair and the way he acted when all he wanted to do is be with her.

She grunted and crossed her arms to shake herself from the moment that she shouldn't be in. "so um. Where's Kale?" He asked taking a drink from his red cup. Charlie Radin shrugged and looked around remembering the few days before the sweet harshness of his voice. "Charlie… about the. About what you said"

Charlie reached her arm back scratching the back of her shoulder as she looked down. "Ian, I don't want to talk about that….um not now." She looked around the room and grabbed the nearest cup from a boy she recognized and took a sip of it and gave it back just as quickly. "I can't" He nodded looking down at the ground and suddenly the noise seemed to quiet.

"You're quite the buzz kill Rowland." Charlie yelled walking away, although his mouth was still open as if he meant to say more, but couldn't over the loud noise and the distance between them physically. Because mentally that gap was filling in fast.

Charlie walked forward, forcing herself not too look back as she pushed her hair back running the strands through her fingers. "Kale!" She called she saw him sitting standing in the corner talking to a red head, Rachel Miller. His dark gleaming eyes met with Charlie's before she could even get into ear shot.

He looked into her cup and drank it down still keeping eyes locked with his girlfriends and mumbled "hi." Charlie grunted and popped her right hip out as she looked at Rachel. "Hey there Charlie." The red head said almost frightened. Kale Manning bites his lip as he looked at the two girls as if it was entertaining. "Rachel." Charlie mumbled as Rachel slipped past her scurrying away almost as fast as she could.

"Hey Charlie" Kale finally said as they stood in the corner alone. She backed up a few spots from the stench of his breath and cried "are you drunk Kale?" He smiled. "Come on like your not." Charlie twitched slightly and looked at her boyfriend slightly perturbed. She nodded and something snapped in her_. Like why not just have fun with it?_ _With him? With us? _Charlie Radin thought.

"Can I have a sip?' She asked sweetly holding out her hand he slipped the drink in her hand, a small clear plastic baggy falling to the ground. Before Kale could react Charlie had picked it up and was examining it. She took a sip form Kale's over strength drink and his blood shot eyes over sized as he looked at Charlie looking at the baggy. What is this?" She asked confusedly holding it up to his eyes. "Cocaine."

Like Craig Manning on Degrassi had once possessed did Kale Manning, he held a baggy of Cocaine in his hand for how long this evening and no one knew. Had he taken it? Had he used it? For how long?"

How many things could you hide from the ones your love. Or just from anyone you're cared about. Drinking problems? Drug problems? Sex lives? Kale and Charlie's lives had always intertwined their first few memories co existed with each other. From the first year they took breaths they had each other.

Everything that happened to each of them, they did together. Things had long since changed. What about now? When the consequences held higher stakes then before, when life and death was an issue. And feelings lasted more then a few hours. The past was eating at their heels and their futures were nipping at their toes.

The time line was right in the middle. As Charlie and Kale stood in this party time stopped. Because as one end Ian Rowland and the years before now were racing to catch up with them as the summer was rapidly approaching the years of college and the many years after that of separation didn't seem like such a crazy idea.


	18. Chapter 18

Critical Screening

**Chapter 18**

"Paige, how do you know tell if a guy wore a condom?" Manny asked standing in front of the girl's lavatory stall door. "Uh, hun, were you there? It's sort of obvious…Oh. Well... did you... hear him unwrap it, or maybe even - feel it?" Paige added slowly still inside of the stall unable to see Manny Santos. "I don't know, don't think so." "I wouldn't worry too much. If you're talking about who I think your talking about, he seems like the semi-responsible type, but you should ask him anyways."

Manny crossed her arms nervously as Paige came out of the bathroom stall. "And hun, remember this next time. Ask questions first. Get naked later." She added before walking out of the bathroom.

Not only is that an frightening and dirtying experience, it's filled with anger and mistrust. Not to mention the lack of freedom. Could the same thing be applied to lonely Charlie Radin? Last year when Charlie was a scared junior who was three weeks passed her very timely period she didn't know what to do. The man she had always trusted uncondisconaly suddenly turned into a pathetic, useless little boy.

She did ask him as Paige advised Manny to do and Ian Rowland's answer was just the same as Craig's was, he didn't use one. _He didn't use one._ Not only did all the reasons why Kale Manning hated him, and why Charlie had constant fights with him come into the clear, he became a person that she could no longer trust and he was one of the few that she_ thought_ she could.

There were so many things that Charlie Radin thought she could do. But one thing she knew for sure she couldn't was raise a baby by herself at sixteen years old, at seventeen years old, at eighteen, maybe _never_. And when she made that choice, she also made that choice to leave behind all those people she couldn't trust, Amanda Hilfiger, Kevin Radin, her own parents and Ian Rowland.

That left her with few and far between. Mainly Kale Manning, who in that past time had already loosened her, ties with him? She had to get him back and obviously had but still with space between. But what about now? In the present? The space physically had seemed to close tight but mentally there was still something missing. Something that wasn't there, there were too many secrets too many questions and confusments to come to a clear cut decision of the future. And all the pain that Charlie consisted of right now and her state of drunkenness the part of her brain that makes all the right decisions was missing, as it had many times before.

Charlie giggled obnoxiously loud. "What is it?" She asked hardly getting her calm. "Cocaine?...coke, crack, sugar, happy dust, white lady…" The seriousness of his voice quickly frightened her and she stood quiet now looking at him, and gulped hard in her throat. He stared back at her just dumbly. "I just got it. Chase, you believe me right?" His voice was frightened and not as stern and confident as if her stare gave him a withering discomfort.

"So you haven't done it?" He shook his head. "Rachel… she just gave it to me." he sounded sincere and Charlie Radin knew he wasn't lying. Though the room was loud and just as crowded as before suddenly things for Charlie became silent and everything went sorting through her mind. "Come on." She said grabbing his hand.

As soon as she tugged on Kale's hand he stuffed the small bag filled with white substances into pocket. "Where are we going?" Kale Manning asked tripping over a bottle on the ground having his voice heightened in tone.

Charlie tugged him up the stairs and into an empty bedroom that she remembered but at the moment couldn't put her finger on it where she had seen the room before or why. The alcohol was running through her brain and though of drugs was rushing through her thoughts.

"What are we doing?" Kale said smashing down to his knees as Charlie tugged him down. "Give it to me!" She cried shaking her hand in front of his face. "Huh?" "give them to me, the bag god dammit." Kale slid his hand into his pocket and anxiously dropped the small plastic bag into Charlie's hand.

She took a deep breath kneeling on the ground, physically facing Kale but avoided eye contact. She tapped her free fingers on her knee because for a moment even she forgot why she was sitting here. "Hey, we were supposed to talk tonight." He nodded. "Well I wasn't expecting to find you after we were both wasted." He shrugged once more, and his face became firm as if he had just remembered being angry and he did, the thought just again flew into his mind.

"Kale… I..." Charlie shook her head as her finger nails deepened in her grip onto the bag. She sat on her ass and crossed her legs staring down at her open palm. "So you haven't done it yet?" She asked quietly almost as if she was questioning herself. "No?" He said just as quietly. "Never?" Kale Manning shook his head. "She just _gave_ it to me."

There was a skip of Charlie's heart and a glimmer in her eye. She looked up at Kale and quietly sat back on her knees and poured the contents of the bag out onto the burrow of the room. "I saw it once on television." Charlie said in a daze without looking up at Kale just staring down at the white powder below her now as she stood up Kale slowly next to her.

"Yeah but… Chase um." Kale murmured. She picked up a room key that was lying next to the sugar like product and separated into long skinny columns. "You just sniff it up your nose, Craig did it on Degrassi, just up and and…" She looked at Kale her eyes wide and her hair softly lying behind her ears. "He said it was like a party for your Sinbads… no your senses." Charlie added her drunkenness not only getting in the way of her decision making skills but her speech.

"Charlie that was only a television shows." Somehow she didn't seem to hear her, her mind was set and she knew that she was going to do cocaine with her preferable Kale right beside her. She grunted. "Come on." She smiled with a glimmering smile. Without showing teeth but just as magical as ever.

Charlie reached her hand out from the side of her body and looked to grab Kales. "Alright." He said in the mist of the moment just as Charlie Radin was. Charlie grunted once before leaning down over the top of the burrow and stuck her finger in one of the columns ultimately messing up the clean cut line.

She got a slight clump of white dust upon her finger and rushed it to her nose sniffing until it was virtually gone. She smiled as she leaned down again sniffing another larger clump up her right nostril she giggled as she stood upright brushing her hand under her nose.

Kale didn't say anything before he leaned down and was repeated what Charlie had down virtually motion by motion; the baggy was gone in matter of moments. Charlie looked over at Kale biting her bottom lip. She giggled looking at his blue eyes and leaned forward kissing his lips still laughing.

She pulled back and Kale licked is lips as if she had left some wonderful taste upon his lips. He leaned forward once more pressing his lips on hers, something swung into motion at that point as Charlie gave back his kiss, she raised her hand rather motionlessly and pressed them against his wonderful smooth cheeks, they're tongues danced together.

Kale held Charlie's hand tightly as the loud vibrations of the music downstairs shook the house; she closed her eyes and swayed back and forth to the music. "I wanna dance!" Kale was being tugged down stairs by her hand but he went much more willingly then he had before.

Kale grabbed his girlfriend's hips and swung back and forth with her body; she rose her arms and let them fall upon Kale's shoulders as they danced. "Charlie" He said. She heard him clearly, almost louder then the party his voice blared in her hear, she flipped around, her arms flying as if she had lost control of them in a high force wind and a fit of laughter hit her just as suddenly.

"Yeah?" She said rather sarcastically holding her palm stiffly in front of her mouth. "can I talk to you a minute." Ian Rowland said approaching his ex-girlfriend for the second time this evening. "Me?" Charlie said with a broad smile across her face and her hands against her chest. "You want to talk to little o' me?" She laughed again hysterically as Kale wrapped his arms around her waste from behind and kissed her neck.

"Yeah…?" Ian questioned coming up closer to her face. He turned his head to the right getting a more in depth look. Charlie moved her hands to wrap around Kale's arms and let her body lean back into his. "what the hell have you been doing Charlie?" Ian asked grunting uncomfortably.

"Just the same as everyone else _Ian, _sex, drugs and rock and roll!" "I'm serious." He said sternly grabbing hold of her. Charlie Radin's eyes were bloodshot and were rolling in directions that she couldn't even tell where she was looking. Her body was relaxing in Kale's who was less then still. Their breaths stunk of putrid alcohol, the room seemed to spin quickly around the both.

Slowly a think, warm trickle of liquid slid down towards her upper lip. It was a deep shade of red, almost as dark as mud but she was none the wiser still swaying back and forth in Kale Manning's arms, Ian Rowland staring at them both as if they were foreign objects.

"What Ian? What do you need to speak to _my _girlfriend about, _mine_?" Kale grinned a mischievous smile, something that he would never portray otherwise. Ian pointed slightly towards Charlie's face. Still smiling like a fool she lifted her forefingers to her upper lip and pressed it against the cold liquid and pulled away bringing a damp pool of blood with her.

Before Charlie could react because of her slow reflects, Ian was reaching forward and looking at her, before his hand could land on her shoulder Kale had left get of her waste and pushed back Ian's shoulder. "_Don't_ touch her."

"Come on." Ian said a little annoyed with out stepping back. "her nose is bleeding." "_and your wills be too_." Kale said with a deep hurt in his voice, his fist rose as he stood in front of Charlie nearly pushing her away as she held her palm to her nose and suddenly it was like everyone in the room had taken notice as Kale Manning's fist smacked across Ian's cheekbones.

Ian went down, without a care, without notice and slammed hard on the ground. Kale walked around him in a grimace matter and turned around smiling as if he had just beaten an evil villilan. Suddenly two hands grabbed at Kale Manning's shirt by the shoulder and tugged him around throwing him into a clump of kids who were still without care thou the loud music bumping around them.

"You don't want to do that." Kale said shaking his hand as he turned around, slowly a large circle forming around them. "Why not?" Ian said in mid air just before he landed on top of Kale's body, he sat up sitting on top of his stomach as he punched his head up, down, right, left and every witch way, you could hear the cracking of his bones if you were close enough.

Nicholas came bolting up into the circle and stared down at the two fighting across the floor, not fidgeting for the top position. It seemed like a long time before Nicholas did anything of breaking up the crowd. Charlie sitting lonely in the corner.

For most of her life no one wanted Charlie Radin. After her rape hardly any boy looked at her, and many girls looked to her as just an attention seeker. Her mother went into a deep mental downward spiral and her father almost in a worst way dove into the bottle. Leaving her brother close for a while but now is long gone from being a friend.

Ian was the first people that Charlie felt _wanted_ her. But as we all know not soon after she wanted him even less then she needed everyone else. So how can she find herself standing here in a daze of highness off drugs and alcohol and being able to see two boys fighting over her? Or was it just the clouds below her speaking strangely.


	19. Chapter 19

Critical Screening

**Chapter 19**

"Serena." He called after her. Rushing down the brick floor leading to the prestigious door of the building. "No, no." She cried turning around to face him without moving any further. "But you're back now." Nate pleaded with her. "I didn't come back for you" Serena replied right before _Gossip Girl_'s voice over came on with some new juicy gossip.

And you want to know why Nate _wanted_ Serena and because she_ didn't_ come back for him? Because Nate cheated on his girlfriend and her best friend Blair, with Serena last year, so easily and never got over it once she left for boarding school. How bad, how unjust and wrong? The two people who Blair thought she could trust let her down, and the worst part they did it together.

"Break it up!" Nicholas called waving a couple of his less wasted friends over as they pushed through the crowds. "Kale gets the fuck off of me!" Ian Rowland called with blood tricking down his cheek of a large gash in his skin.

Kyle Lynch tugged Kale off of Ian hard while Nicholas held Ian back on the opposite side of the circle. "What the fuck is going on?" Nicholas called shaking Ian as if that would help get an answer out of them. Kale Manning licked the outside of his lip sucking off the blood although that was nothing compared to his bruised eyes.

Charlie Radin was standing up right in front of the guys who were slowly being let go. She was in a daze swaying back and forth a couple of her fingers pressed against her nostril staring at both of the boys.

The plastic baggy fell out of Kale's pocket a while ago with small residues of cocaine left inside. As Kyle shook Kale loose and walked away, Ian was leaning down picking the bag off the ground. "That's mine jackass." Kale cried leaning down bumping heads with Ian Rowland who already has the small bag in his hands. They both grunted as Ian held his hand on his stomach as he stood straight carefully.

"what is this?" he muttered opening the bag, Charlie slowly began to chime into the conversation as she fell forward just catching herself on Kate's arm that was hanging out to catch her.

As Charlie slowly moved to Kale's side Nicholas was soberly kicking the party to the curb and small groups of three or four began to leave outside of the open door. Ian was obviously too sober for her own good as she stuck his nose practically inside of the bag and sniffed the small white particles. His face contorted to strange expressions, Charlie squished next to Kale and through all of her body weight onto him, making his stand awkwardly to the right.

Drugs and alcohol was starting to wear off but if seemed to leave a worse effect off on the couple. "Charlie were you doing drugs?" She smiled sleeking and began to cough contagiously setting Kale's balance off center as he clumsily held a pack of ice to his eye that Emma Watson had handed to both him and Ian.

He was holding the baggy in his hand as it slowly slipped into a tight fist around the plastic. "Cocaine?" She giggled. Her slight laughing set the slight balance that Kale was using to hold them both up and fell to the ground, landing with a slight boom to the shaking floor and sudden quiet laughter.

After both Charlie Radin and kale quitted down the laughing few party goers who were still left, followed the rest out the front door shaking there heads with their cell phones out texting like a while chase. "What?" Nicholas said with fury standing over his friend.

"Some call it white lady?" Charlie whispered her face turning bright red as she sat up on the floor. "You guys need to leave." Nicholas said carefully standing behind Charlie and Kale holding hands with his girlfriend. Ian was standing in front of them staring them down with a silent withering stare. "…now." Nick continued as Charlie managed to get to her feet.

She waited for Kale to stand beside her, took a deep breath before swinging open the front door, and slamming it shut after they walked out. "Want me to drive you home?" Kale muttered as Charlie stood in the Cameroon's lawn look from side to side for her car, in which was halfway down the street. She nodded and sat in the front seat, the car door wide open.

Kale Manning's eyes were twice as bloodshot as Charlie's were now as he sat in the driver's seat spinning his key ring around his index finger. "I think I may have forgotten how to drive." He said with a slight angst in his voice as he stared forward, as if he was talking to himself and not to Charlie who was already half way out of the car when he spoke.

The street was long and dark. Not a sound was spoken between the two or what seemed like the rest of the world as they walked down it lonelyly. It took over an hour of silence and walking to reach the beginning of Kale and Charlie's neighborhood. "Here it is." Charlie said yawning. "Yup." Kale muttered standing in front of the Radin's house.

"You sober now?" Charlie questioned as she felt a head ache beat in her head as the sun rose in the far distance. "For the last mile or so." "Your mad again, aren't you." Charlie Radin said looking at Kale for the first time since he had hit Ian Rowland across the face. "I don't know, I'm having trouble remembering much of anything." Charlie crossed her arms as he stilled avoided eye contact with her. "We'll have to see in the morning." "Of course." Charlie mumbled walking up the steps of her front lawn without another word. The sun rose over the small town quickly after both Kale and Charlie collapsed on their beds.

She rose late in the afternoon with a blazing head and the feeling that her eye balls had somehow fell out of them sockets. It was strange and uncomfortable as Charlie slipped her feet along the furry rug following the stairs of the Radin's household.

"where the hell have you been?" Mr. Radin called across at her daughter as Kevin Radin sneakily listened in from the next room. "Sleeping dad." She cried looking for a coffee mug in the high up newly furnished kitchen cabinets.

"I saw you tripping up the stairs this morning after the friggen; sun was up? Do you think that's okay?" "I had no ride home from Nick's I had to walk." Charlie Radin cringing At the loud sound of her fathers voice. She popped the filled coffee mug into the microwave as she poured several Advil's into her hand.

"I thought you had your car." Charlie grunted as she swallowed the pills. "well yeah but…" She said as Radin laughed loudly from behind the other wall. "I left the keys in Nicholas's house and we were all sitting outside, I got locked outside and I… Dad, I just had to walk." She didn't make much sense to her family around her but somehow inside of Charlie's mind she could understand it all.

"Can I get a ride?" She questioned quietly sipping her coffee. "You left your car, you can go get it Charlie, and you can't look to me for everything." Mr. Radin got up and walked into the den. "When you go to Boston, your not going to be able to call me to get your things when you forget them." "I'm not in Boston am I Dad?" Charlie cried.

"No, but close to it you cant depend on me anymore." "I don't remember the last time I've asked you for anything." Mr. Radin didn't say anything as he took a bottle of rum from the table he stood in front of. "Ask your brother." And with the sound of his voice there was uproar of laughter. "Radin can't drive asshole." Charlie stammered out of the house with her greatest speed and started down the street.

It took less time then the night before to reach Nicholas Cameroon's house but her legs were still weak. She dug her fingers into her jean pocket and pulled out her key ring. She looked down the street partway and saw a familiar face. She fumbled with her keys as she moved quicker and dropped them on the ground.

As Charlie Radin bent down to pick them up she heard the soft rumble of a cars engine. As she stood up it was apparent he was right behind her. "Hi." Charlie mumbled under her breath as the window to the car rolled down. She bent over and leaned her arms on the inside of the window sill.

"Hi Chase." Kale said with a modest grin. "How'd you get down her?" She cried. "I let Lauren try driving me with Dad's car, never letting that happen again, she's the one down there road there playing turkey with the squirrel." He shook his head.

Charlie took a deep breath and bit her bottom lip, avoiding his eye contact. "Get in." He said finally knowing the enviable. She grunted uncomfortably and closed the car door behind herself. "Kale…" She grunted. "It's not that I don't love you, I always have, for the past seventeen years." Charlie avoided eye contact still but could tell he nodded. "But I don't know if I'm in" "don't." Kale grunted before she could finish. "In love with me? Huh? Don't pull that television game on me."

"Even if it's true?" She said ignoring the sarcasm in her friend's voice. "I cant imagine myself saying it. I can't, I don't know if can be in love with someone, no matter who. I mean can you see me going around telling people I'm in love, being impartial to you of course?"

Kale shook his head, slightly confused by her words that seemed to turn in circles. "You said it to Ian." Kale looked at Charlie up and down and turned around facing forward. "Yeah and that worked so great right." Charlie mumbled looking out the car window as kale drove around solemnly, around the corner again coming towards Nicholas Street.

"Chase I..." Kale fumbled with his words. "I know." "Know what Kale?" Charlie said with a jump in her heart and a few extra deep breaths as she avoided eye contact still, not chillingly. "About your abortion." Kale said lowering his town.

It was like not only was someone putting up lies and walls against her, it was as if an army was keeping it up. Charlie Radin felt ambushed by the only person she had left in the world, it wasn't fair and it wasn't right. Just as Serena and Nate had sex together against their common love, Charlie felt as if Kale her only common thing in the world was working against her.

He knew? Hew knew! Things had changed so much for Charlie Radin the past year, she flew so much past who she use to be and seemed to create almost her own new self. And of course she suspected that her closest friend had noticed something, and worried that her ex-friend Amanda would spill her darkest secrets and even perhaps that her brother who she was once so close with would leave her behind completely, she still never suspected he knew.


	20. Chapter 20

Critical Screening

**Chapter 20**

"No, it is about you! It's about you and how you make me feel when I'm with you! Ok? I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. But you know what I realize? That it's not my fault! That it's not my fault. Because I'm with you, it's poor Pacey. He didn't get into college, and it's stupid Pacey forgot the limo and ripped the dress and messed up the corsage." Pacey cried flying his arms around as he stood in front of the rest of the senior class of Capeside High. " I told you I didn't care about any of that." Joey added meekly.

" But I want you to care! I want you to care! I don't want you to just accept it like that's the way it's supposed to be. We are not trapped on this boat. You and I are trapped in this relationship. I can't take it anymore, Joey. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm nothing. I feel like I'm nothing. That's why I flinch when you come to touch me. It's why I never touch you. Why I never even think about it. Because when I start to, it just reminds me that I'm not good enough." He continued shaking his head. Because in the end this is what is came down to, all the love and changes and fights they had for their relationship ended because suddenly things changed.

They risked it all and suddenly they hated each other? That night Pacey Witter screamed his heart out at Joey on Dawson's Creek, he said the most miserable things possible the words you never thought her could form towards her. And because of that Joey Potter went into a state of shock and misery.

And just the same Charlie Radin was in a somewhat state in shock. Because somewhat naively she never thought Kale Manning would know the truth. She never believed_ he_ would believe the rumors, or that any soul who did somehow know would tell him. Charlie was convinced that her best friend in the world, the person that she cared about most and cared about what_ he_ thought the most wouldn't find out until she decided to tell him. Which she obviously never planned on doing.

In ways it wasn't fair for either of them. Charlie shouldn't have to be surprised by her best friend that he suddenly knows. But also Kale shouldn't be dubbed down to not knowing the truth at all. Besides for best friends, secrets were often kept from each other, lies were usually told and the truth was very scarce and far between.

"You know what? I think you need to get home and check on your sister…" Charlie began to babble before Kale even finished speaking. "I mean she was chasing a squirrel right." "Charlie?" Kale said questioning her. His facial expressions were over exaggerated giving off the impression that he truly thought she didn't hear him.

She reached for the door handle and pushed open, the door didn't move and she said back after jilting the handle several times and realizing it was locked. She pressed the back of her head into the seat cushion and took a deep breath, avoiding passing out again at the same subject.

"Hmmm" Charlie mumbled under her breath. "Did you hear me?" "Yes in fact, I heard you _quite_ clearly." She shook her leg intensely up and down as no words was spoken but finally Kale reluctantly broke it. "I'm fine with it Charlie; it doesn't change anything for me… I just thought _you _should know _I_ know."

Charlie rolled her eyes and broke out into an angry rant, fire burned through her eyes and a sense of urgency rushed through her blood. "Well great! That's wonderful to know that you Kale, don't mind that I was pregnant with some guys baby and killed it before it got to see the day of light, obviously that makes me feel so much better!" Her sarcasm cut through him like a knife, and scared him slightly.

"Like it matters what you say? _It wasn't your baby and it wasn't your body so why do you care_?" She looked at him harshly, as Charlie nearly was yelling now. "I care about you Chase." Kale mumbled shaking his head, obviously not expecting this action. "Who told you huh?" Kale Manning waited a moment his deep eyes watering up slightly.

"Amanda." Kale said looking at Charlie who was on the brink of tears although her face was as stern as a rock. "Amanda who?" His lips quivered as he spoke. "Hilfiger." Charlie's face contorted as if she had forgotten the events of last. "Amanda Hilfiger told you? Yes because I defiantly go around telling her my business. Kale I tell her less of my business then I tell you." He let her comment brush off his shoulder.

"She never actually told me you had an abortion." Kale Manning said softly as he parked the car on the side of the road. "She told me you were pregnant." "What? Since you don't see a baby obviously I had an abortion? How could you believe her?" Charlie Radin was pulling out all the stops, but she had already revealed herself yet she still was back walking.

"Charlie!" Kale cried, getting hold of her attention because she was obviously being frantic and only half listening to him. "She told me last May Chase!" He took a deep breath and stared at her even though Charlie refused herself to look at him. "she came to my house one weekend last May, she started talking to me about how she couldn't deal with you anymore, you guys couldn't be friends, she said you guys were already over as a friendship…" He shook his head ridiculously.

"Amanda started talking about how someone needed to know, she couldn't leave you alone with this even though you had grown apart, anyway, she told me you were pregnant, _she told me and left_, she told me and **you never did**." Charlie's eyes glazed over slightly. "She told you I was pregnant?" Kale nodded angrily as he shifted in his seat.

"And you believed her?" "Can you say anything otherwise?" Charlie was silent now, knowing that he knew, and he knew that the fact that she knew he knew, was scaring her. "And yes Charlie, I came to the conclusion when you never told me and that the slight factor that you never did have a baby, that you had an abortion. Not that the fact that's something had changed wasn't obvious."

Charlie shook her head, but Kale harshly continued. "It wasn't hard to tell for anyone remotely close to you to realize that something had changed. You became so angrily Charlie! And the rumors, I never listened to them but, you know your friend circle and reputation change!" Charlie shook her head widely.

"**You've known for a whole year?**" Charlie called across the car, screaming into his year. "Yes Charlie." Kale said solemnly. "And you never told me? Kale how could you not have…" She stopped talking and went to open the door. "let me out Manning." She called as it was still locked. "Charlie talk to me! you cant be mad at me for knowing and telling you I knew! This is ridiculous." He said rolling his eyes at his own words. "you never told me! and from the looks of you never planned on it." "let me out!" Charlie screamed.

Kale Manning waited a moment and unlocked the passenger's door. She sprung form the car like wild fire and raced down the street to her own car. She fumbled with the keys for a few minutes and got in closing the door behind her slim body. Kale beeped the horn in his car as Charlie sped past him, without letting the sound make a dent in her though process.

Maybe it didn't make sense, that she was made just because he knew and said nothing. Because they were both guilty of the same crime. Lying and secret keeping. Not that it was a strange crime to commit for any human benging, but they committed it on the same information.

The way the two friends were acting it seemed as if they both knew the truth that things would be that much easier. But that much was a lie. Would they be where they were into heir relationship with the truth? Not now, probably not ever. And now their future was that much more uncertain.


	21. Chapter 21

Critical Screening

**Chapter 21**

"I need this job, Richard. I need it more than the others." She pleaded. "Addison..." He tested back at her solemnly. "No, I need a reason to stay here. I need a reason to get up every morning. I need to get up and not care if it's raining or that I'm 39 and alone." Addison cried back sitting in front of her Richard's desk on Grey's Anatomy. "That's why. If you need a job to get a new life you either need a new job or a new life."

There are over 3 billion people in the world and I could say that at least half wake up every morning and wish things were different. Wonder if they changed something at some point if their lives would be playing out in a different way. They may want, wish or dream that they had a new life. They might even need one.

You can have a wonderful family, decent job and a busy social life yet life in general just doesn't stack up. You feel the need to have someone around you that you haven't known for over ten years, go to a place where everyone might _not_ know your name, put yourself out in a place where people can know the real you, not the persona put down year to year.

That's what college meant to many people including Charlie Radin. Although her new persona was only a year old it was wearing thin. The things she wanted weren't playing out, the people she loved weren't around and her dreams were no where in sight.

Life was ever changing yet most days it is easy to feel as if you're standing still. As if time has stopped completely and the world somehow just stopped spinning. Like your world is at a standpoint and no matter what you say or do, it will always be that way.

You could have the biggest dreams in the world and never bring them out. You could be the smartest person in your grade but not succeed. Anyone could be anyone they wanted to be, but they also choose who they are.

You can't blame anyone else for your mistakes or tell someone they were wrong. But its strange how the things we did, somehow turn into someone else's problems. Because life isn't how we wanted it to be, it's someone's fault besides out own. The feeling of longing and lacking is no ones fault, you just have to be able to strive to get it.

Scrathmore Academy was bustling for a early Monday morning. The students were walking and whispering, texting and calling. The student parking lot was beginning to fill as the minutes passed by nearing the first bell of the morning. Charlie Radin's long strut crossed across the parking lot and towards the school.

Her long blonde hair swayed back and forth behind her neck naturally as she hugged her bag tightly to her body. She gripped her cell phone in the other hand with her nails grinding into the skin of the metal. She pushed past a younger boy who was holding the door open for apparently no one and wondered down the long hallways.

Her face was and stern and to most seemed somewhat hallow. Charlie reached down to her locker in virtually the middle of the school. She spun the combination into the circle as people passed by around her, a soft chilled breeze rushing down her back.

"Shane!." Someone hissed around her. "Did you hear about Charlie Radin?" Their voices muffled as they rushed down the hall leaving Charlie with her own uneasy feeling. "Kristy, you left the party way too early!" Another high pitched voice mentioned. Charlie didn't dare turn around as the two senior girls were standing right behind her.

"Do you remember Ian Rowland?" There was a slight pause and the first girl continued. "Well he and Kale, Charlie Radin's boyfriend got into a huge fist fight. The were both high!" Charlie gulped hard in her throat. "Ian and…" Kristy questioned. "No! Kale and Charlie!" Kristy gasped with excited as the sound of a Sidekick being whipped around sounded as they continued down the hallway.

Before turning around Charlie stood in front of her now closed locker for a moment listening for anymore voices consisting of the same words, she heard nothing and strutted down the hall with out looking at any soul, whether they were looking at her or not.

She heard two familiar voices talking quietly behind her, yet somehow in Charlie's daze of confusments on this morning couldn't put a face to a voice and once again couldn't bring herself to turning around. "Have you talked to Charlie?" A girl questioned with a worried voice. "No why?" A male's voice grunted under his breath.

"I mean she just left out onto the street the other night, she was pretty messed up." The boy grunted again as there voices seemed to be clear from Charlie's distance from them. She reached her arm back and scratched the sweat from the brow of her neck. "Nick she is one of your closet friends!" The girl cried out, revealing herself as Kate, Nicholas Cameroon's girlfriend.

Charlie's face was grim and scrunched up with hurt as she flipped her head around stopping dead in tracks not sure if her long locks had hit either of them as she turned. "Charlie, Hi." Kate said sweetly letting go of Nick's hand. "Hey." Charlie said crossing her arms. "So I'm assuming you made it home alright then?" Nicholas said quietly unable to hear his sarcasm or sincerity.

Charlie, without looking pinched her skin lightly but still looked at the couple. "Yeah. Guess so." Her anger was soon cut off by a familiar face. Her thoughts seemed to leave her body as Kale Manning entered at the end of the hallway and almost seemed to look at her, because soon after Charlie felt as if their eyes had met his legs sped up and passed by the hallway directly, without having to past the friends at all.

Both Nicholas and Kate looked behind them but Kale was already gone. "Nick can I talk to you a minute?" Charlie asked quietly, giving a hint of weakness she hardly showed to other people. Kate smiled kindly, kissed his cheek and walked off towards the other end of the school. Charlie tugged Nicholas into a nook of the hallway and crossed her arms taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Nick. I really am." Nicholas nodded. "I shouldn't have been doing that shit at your house, making you responsible." "You shouldn't have been doing that shit at all Charlie." She grunted.

There was a slight pause as Nicholas continued before Charlie could spit out another word. "Where'd you get it?" She shook her and looked in the opposite direction as she licked her lips. "Did you tell him Nicholas?" He looked at her dumbfounded. "Did you tell Kale what Ian Rowland told you?" She grunted as she finally looked at him and Nick Cameroon shook his head.

"No Charlie. Why?" The bell rang and with a spring in her step she began to walk away. "Charlie!?" Nicholas called still standing in the same spot. Charlie didn't stop walking as she walked into homeroom. Her eyes fidgeted frantically from Amanda to Kale. Unlike her beliefs, for now it seemed as if Kale Manning was telling her the truth. Something she always denied from him.

She panicked for a moment but somehow found her way to her perspective seat. She slumped far down in her seat as she could feel people stare at her slightly. Charlie Radin brushed her hair back into a high messy pony tail.

"Hey Charlie!" A beckoning, obnoxious call cried through the room. "I heard you kept the party going long after. Too bad me and your brother here left a little early to do something better." She chuckled as Charlie resisted turning around. "Leave her alone Amanda." Kale said angrily although his voice consisted of no expression.

"Don't be so hasty there Kale, I heard you snuffed it right along with her." Emma Watson turned around sideways looking at the bustle happening in the back of room, as Mr. Connor walked in hold his clip board in hand.

Emma grimaced at Charlie quietly, and somehow her self conscious and ditzy behavior seemed to fly away. "Jesus Manning, what'd you do to yourself?" Kale looked at Mr. Connor strangely and felt his right high which looked better then the other night but not remotely gone, he cringed as he touched his black eye and huffed.

"Got into a fight." "You Manning?" The teacher said reasonably surprised. Charlie looked back at Kale slightly just enough so he could she was looking. "I wasn't myself I guess." He said quietly before he flinched in his desk and looked down at the table he said in front of.

"Anyways…" Amanda Hilfiger choked. "Everyone's talking about it Kale, but still I'm not clear about who won." Kale Manning rolled his eyes without even bothering to move from his emotional physical state. "Then maybe you can answer that Charlie… I mean did you and Kale go home and celebrate, because in that case maybe you're the one who gave him the black eye."

Charlie whirled around her chair and looked at Amanda. She looked typically frightened as she pushed her short brown hair behind her hears and looked at Charlie Radin as if she was going to kill her. "Can I talk to you?" Charlie demanded more then asked. "to me?" Amanda chuckled. "No to the dump post behind you." Radin sniffed and looked at his cell phone. Amanda smiled as she went to open her mouth but Charlie quickly cut her off. "Alone." Amanda swallowed hard, both for her self and to save face.

Sometimes when you need to change your life, you adjust to these changed different. Maybe you become a different person, adapt a new personality. Develop a new taste in the opposite sex or in some cases the same. You might become more emotionally or have a tough exterior.

And sometimes part of the changes to your life is loosing a friend. Well for Amanda Hilfiger she broke away from Charlie Radin, with a clean cut swipe. She kissed her old well mannered happy person behind her and evolved into a bitter, angry bitchy spawn of satin. She thought it was so easy to just leave behind her best friend and everything else that ever happened.

In the last year, when nothing was said except the constant hatred between her and Charlie, Amanda assumed she broke free with no feelings or streaks of blood behind her. She was obviously too quick to judge as Charlie was coming up and rushing behind her, taking control of her life. Because suddenly and swiftly Charlie was realizing she didnt need a new life, she needed the one she wanted, which was the life she always had, before she lost herself.


	22. Chapter 22

Critical Screening

**Chapter 22**

"So the friendship? You don't think we're friends anymore?" Joey murmured angrily. "I don't know. Are we more? Are we less? All I know is it's just not the way it used to be. Nothing is anymore." "It's called social evolution, Dawson. What's strong enough flourishes and what doesn't we look at behind glass cases in science museums." Dawson's eyes widened with horror and shook his head.

"So you and I? Are we museum bound?" Joey Potter shrugged and they seemed to fade away as the screen panned out. Maybe what they had once had also faded way just like the screening panning out from them standing along side the town of Capeside, Mass.

Perhaps that twinkles in their eyes, the things that had once given Jen Lindly the feeling to show off and worry for her late relationship with Dawson Leery. But what about Charlie Radin and Kale Manning once best friends but then suddenly physicality's and emotion feelings soon ruined that.

And now Charlie was walking out of the room with Amanda Hilfiger a fire in her eye and a harsh worry of her standing with Kale. Things had changed like wildfire in past month for then and it will only keep going.

Amanda giggled as she leaned against the wall in the hallway of the school building biting her nails looking at Charlie. "Cut the crap Mandy." Charlie said sincerely. "Okay, what the hell do you want from me?" Amanda asked ignoring Charlie speaking.

"I want the truth." Amanda rolled her eyes. "look I'm not the one who told everyone you were snorting coke the other night, or the one who told everyone you and Kale bumped bumped in Nick's room." Amanda grunted under her breath and walked right into Charlie's unsuspecting hand, stopping her movement. "I know." "Then what do you want Charles's."

Charlie's stern face slowly softened as Amanda stepped back and her face turned rapidly red. "Charlie, I mean." Amanda said slowly as she looked down loosing her cold stance and slumped against the wall. Amanda Hilfiger had made the mistake of calling her old friend by an old nickname, though small and unoriginal it brought back enough sill memories to humanize Mandy.

"What do you want?" She finally questioned her voice softer and kinder now as she avoided eye contact with Charlie. "Amanda… did you tell Kale I was pregnant." Charlie's voice questioned as well as she crossed her arms moving in place slightly. Amanda shifted uncomfortable and without question answered. "Yes." She said, she didn't need to think or remember or rationalize or even bother lying.

"I told him last May, after…" Amanda stopped as she remembered a fight that happened, the ultimately had ended their friendship even though it was a long time coming. The was setting in May of last year. Both Charlie Radin and Amanda were sitting in the Radin's household up in Charlie's bedroom. The television was on quietly and the bedroom windows wide open but none of that mattered because the television for a moment in Charlie's life didn't exist and the room was as hot as fire.

"Will you stop yelling at me?" Amanda cried. "You started this Mandy, I want to know what you meant by it!" "Stop calling me that Charles!" Charlie grinned although her sarcastic happiness quickly turned dark. "What did you mean when you said I was Ian's sloppy seconds?" Their was a pause in their angry fight.

And Amanda pressed her head to her forehead. "I hooked up with him Charlie; before you guys were official… we were drunk and I…" "When?" Charlie demanded. "December." "_We started dating in December_!" Charlie paced back and forth, "Then maybe you shouldn't be mad at me, I was drunk and was nearly unconscious, Ian would have been the one cheating on you!"

Charlie was on the brink of tears her breath falling short and her chest heaving up and down. "I don't expect much from him anymore…" Charlie murmured looking out the window. "But your suppose to be my friend! I wouldn't have been too eager to flash around the place that you were with him, now that's your problem!" "At least I didn't sleep with him."

Charlie rolled his eyes. "You're _not_ a virgin Amanda." "Yeah but I'm not pregnant either, am I?" Charlie's hands began to shake nervously of frustration. "Get out!" She cried. "Oh come on, Charlie this has been a long time coming?" "What has?" Charlie questioned out of breath. "This! I mean come on, you knew I saw Ian first, and you know that I did something with him your just too much of a pussy to find out what." Amanda Hilfiger laughed. "We were never friends anyway, and now I'm the only person who knows you're pregnant."

Charlie's face turned into a ghostly shade of white. Her heart was either racing or not moving at all as Amanda stood in the doorway. "Regretting telling me now aren't you? If only you made that little trip to the drugstore and kept your pants on a little longer." "Amanda!" Charlie pleaded as she slammed the bedroom door shut and left the Radin house without another word.

Charlie Radin was standing in the quiet hallway of Scrathmore Academy staring at Amanda with a slight shock in her body. "I told him a week or so after we stopped talking." She twitched her head brushing her brunette hair farther from the front of her face. There was silence between them as the moment passed by.

"Yeah… so." Amanda said uncomfortably as she looked the other way. "So you're the ones who started all the rumors." Charlie said with a hurt tone in her voice and a lump in her throat. She shook her head quickly. "You told me not to tell anyone, so I never did." "Except Kale."

Charlie added instinctively. And for a clear moment before the bell rang there was a sense of humanity in Amanda Hilfiger. But as soon as the classrooms began to empty out there was a wink of her eye and a glare towards Charlie before she walked away.

The halls quickly filled up and a group of unknowing students pushed Charlie Radin into a wall. "Charlie." A familiar voice said rushing up behind her she slowly came to a stop but picked up the pace again as another blonde blushed to her side. "Hey Emma." Charlie muttered bluntly. "I hate to bother you; I mean I know things have been hard lately."

Charlie glanced as Emma Watson from the corner of her eye wondering where she was heading. "Anyways, I'm just making sure everything is okay between you and me, since I went to the party with um… Ian Rowland." "Yeah I know Em." There was silence as Emma turned front still walking next to Charlie at a brisk pace, her face seemed worried.

"Are you guys like dating or something?" Charlie said dashing a look at her friend and turned back forward. "Well I don't know… I wouldn't mind that." Emma said frightfully. "But only if it's okay with you of course." She added quickly after. Charlie swallowed hard in her throat, taking her pride down with her spit and nodded her head. "Yeah of course." She murmured before she dived into a classroom without even saying a word.

Museum bound? A museum often holds artifices of great importance from places and people all over the world. From important archeology digs to a priceless item that George Washington once owned. They may be there for years are only a small while.

A special exhibit or a permanent living home. But what about Charlie Radin. Where was she headed? At one time or another life seemed so perfect and so sure. She knew what road everything led to and what everything was heading down. But now? It wasn't so clear.

What about Kale? And Emma? Amanda? Radin? Nicholas? Her poor mother, who she often didn't care enough about? Her father who often didn't care enough about her? And suddenly Charlie wondered about the boy she never wanted to see again, the one she never believed she could care about again, Ian Rowland.


	23. Chapter 23

Critical Screening

**Chapter 23**

"See that, they all assume I'm a patient because of the cane." Dr. House muttered between his cynical teeth. "Then why don't you put on a white coat like the rest of us?" Dr. Wilson replied sarcastically. "Then they'll think I'm a doctor." He rebottled slyly.

It was all about a disguise, sort of. If House refused to wear a jacket he could be mistaken as a patient but still be doctor without being recognized. He can and often did play on that fine line between life and death, relief and regret, morals and _imm_ortality.

Those feelings of being right and being wrong, of being scared and being nervous or being angry when you should have felt loved. Some people slowly walk the fine line while others dash across the edge and others dance from side to side.

And as part of understanding the story is to understand the characters, Charlie Radin must be understood which is the thing that probably happens least in her life, being understood. It happens few and far between for everyone, because you may think you know someone, and never really do. While on the other hand someone can know you better then you even know yourself.

And just as Charlie watches her soap operas and her prime time dramas, just as she gets sunk into their life's and cries when they do, and laugh when they do, she knows when they are right and when they are wrong. One aspect of a television drama is they are drawn out dramatic, _traumatic_ and tragic. Fights, break-ups and heart break are drawn out for weeks and months and years, one episode, one hour effecting seasons after.

But Charlie's lesser watched television format is the sitcom. A half hour of laughter and decision. One episode deals with one thing and the next one something completely different. A break up happens in one episode without becoming a two or three parter, heart break lasts less then fifteen minutes. And even though that's not much to strive for in life, to be in a sitcom we all know that's what Charlie Radin wanted.

So as she walked outside of Scrathmore Academy that Monday afternoon after the last bell, she watched the time, she noticed the sitcom of the day was coming to an end and that time was fading fast. Her decision was made, and even if she had two or their episodes of her own time to change her mind she knew she wouldn't.

If you believe in fate and destiny you could say that it was written in the script, but maybe this part wasn't suppose to happen, and perhaps it was an adlib that forever changes the course of the show.

"Kale." Charlie Radin cried picking up her feet to a faster pace as she saw him across the parking lot. He seemed not to notice as he reached his car juggling with his keys in one hand dropping his backpack to the ground with the other. "hey Manning." Charlie screamed as she suddenly yelled making him finally look at her direction with a strange face that slowly turned into a smile which gave Charlie the idea that she gave him the wrong impression.

She smiled back, hardly and tugged her purse tightly to her side. "Hey." He grumbled pulling the front door of his car open as Charlie slowed down nearing the car, she said nothing. Charlie Radin mumbled something under her breath that was undetectable to human hears. She wondered around the car and Kale just followed her with his eyes silently. "Look…" Charlie finally spoke. "It's… it's over Kale." She continued vulnerably.

There was silence between them for a moment as if he had somehow not caught on. Finally a chord struck within him as he seemed to find her wondering eyes. "What?" He questioned swallowing hard in his throat. "I… Chase, I'm sorry I never…" Charlie quickly cut him off by shaking her head. "Never what? Never told me?" She asked looking at him deeply although her voice was harsh and lash her eyes were calm and caring.

"Kale, you knew for a year that I..." she stopped and darted her eyes catching her breath and quieting her voice. "_That I had an abortion, and you never slighted to me that you knew_." She was cold yet somehow Kale Manning stilled snapped back at her. "I should have told you Chase, but if I did we may have never ended up here."

Charlie quietly laughed. "Ended up where? Having a month and a half relationship that ended with less then what we use to have? Having sex as a friends party? Doing cocaine and getting high in front the rest of the school? Or…" But suddenly Kale seemed to grow taller in front of her eyes and pleaded with her with both expression and voice.

"I told you I loved you, and you said _nothing_." He grunted. "And I didn't give up on your Chase…" She waited a moment, just a brief silence between them once more and stepped away from the car, shook her head several brief times and began to walk away from him. "Its over." Charlie Radin said again facing Kale.

"but what about…" Kale began to pleaded halfway across the parking lot. Charlie looked down at the watch slightly and began to turn away. "times up." She mumbled under her breath so perhaps only herself could hear.

She walked away past through the cars around her and other students her were probably listening intently to what she was saying. But now, she walked the line of dignity and self mutilation, hope and regret, strength and pain and even perhaps being angry when she should have felt loved.

And now all the games that Kale Manning had been trying to play to get the simple truth from his best friends for months now, we over. Toying with the idea of a true loving relationship could exist were over. Believing that you could know another person better then yourself was over. Even now graduation was a week away and the little games and triumphs of high school were over. _So over_.

**Game Over. **

It was all about disguise and how you can morph yourself into different things. Or maybe even your mind. After all disguise is all about trickery. And even though you physically can disguise your mind, you can trick it into believing something else.

Trick it into believing that your okay with everything that happens, that your happy when your not, calm when your angry and excited when your depressed. Place a fake smile on your face and strut down the school hallway as if you were hooking up behind the book shelf last period even though you know you haven't made out with someone in a month, then you smile even harder because that makes you feel that much worse.

Charlie Radin was good at making disguises both physically and mentally. As she walked to her car that Monday after noon, she began her transformation. She attempted to tell herself over and over again that it was better not to be with Kale. That what he did was horrible, that she was all in the right and that she did do the right thing.

She tried to strut like she was hotter then coffee. And she tried to keep her mind off of why she was attempting to make her life into something she never even liked. Charlie never liked television sitcoms. She didn't think they were funny or realistic or true. She liked dramas because they were drawn out, dramatic, _traumatic_ and tragic. And she liked them because they were more fictional then a sitcom could ever be.

So why was Charlie trying so damn hard to create her life around something that she cant even stand to watch for a half hour let alone 24 hours a day seven days a week for the next eighty years? There were so many things left to be answered but only one thing left to ask:

Game Over.

**Continue**? Or **Replay** **the last episode**?


	24. Chapter 24

Critical Screening

**Chapter 24**

"You just love it when a girl talks to you." Serena mumbled standing to close to comfort to Chuck. "Actually I prefer them when they're not talking" Chuck said suggesting too much for Serna as he smiled seductively. "Hm. I've missed your witty banter" Serena mumbled, knowing not to expect much more from Chuck then the want of sex and drugs.

Which is what Charlie seemed to think of Ian Rowland as, for a time of their relationship. Which wasn't as much as short lived as impossible to describe. While at the same time you could think of Kale Manning's relationship with Charlie's much the same, short lived and impossible to describe, but for many different reasons.

It's easy to say things are over, and walk away. Its one thing to decide its better to be apart then together. It's another to live with the consequences of saying these things and deciding these things.

Its one thing to say you will walk away and never look back and another to be walking away and have the killing sensation of needing to look back but knowing you cant. Its one thing to say forever and actually mean it. And its one totally separate thing to say I love you and to say I'm _in _love you.

Any dimwitted, quick fix can tell you they love you. It solves a fight, gets a smile, or maybe gets you in the sack, for a short while anyway. Anyone can say it and not mean it. Ian Rowland did it time and time again to Charlie. Every night and every day, every time he got a chance he threw those three little words out into the air. But there is a complete difference between Ian Rowland throwing those three words out every time he could and Kale Manning saying the carefully one time and getting shot down. Just as you walk the line between good and bad, you walk the line of right and wrong.

As well as just plain ignorance, independence and denial.

That Sunday night Charlie Radin sat silently in her room. The door closed the television off, and the silence rushing through the room except for the cool breeze running through the open window. He legs were crossed wearing a pair of very short pajama shorts, her top covered in a heavy sweatshirt of the male persuasion and her hair laid along her shoulders.

She looked down at her legs where a booked laid open her eyes trailing along with the words written upon it. The leather swizzle chair had been warmed every night for the last six nights and the leather had implanted perfectly to her specifications by now. The lights were dim as her eyes were scrunched up tight yet she sat perfectly still just reading along on her book, slowly turning the page when need be.

She went to no parties that Friday or Saturday night even though they were the last weekend parties of her high school career. She answered the phone for no one, unless it was the one person she wanted to call, who coincidently never did.

The last time Charlie showered was early Friday morning and although her blonde hair showed no sine of grease her room was smelling and cluttered enough to show that she had hardly left her room. Her father was away on a trip and wouldn't be back for Monday night's graduation while her mother was still off in her own world, wondering where Mrs. Manning has been.

She wondered how _he_ was. For the last week she had avoided homeroom and entered the school tardy, and somehow never saw him during class, perhaps by his own means. Charlie often found herself left in a daze staring at Kale's picture and wondered where she went wrong.

It wasn't that she was wallowing in her own self pity because perhaps this whole situation was by her own cause, it was she found that nothing in the past week was worth leaving her room and her book for. No phone call was as important as the next word in the paragraph and any repeats of television shows were somehow unworthy for this week.

She turned it on everyday at three o'clock for General Hospital but this weakened it waited being turned again for the demise of Gilmore Girls. Which somehow Charlie had forgotten about. But slowly in the back of her mind Ian Rowland's face floated about, her memories of him coming forward and she wondered where he had been.

And maybe her wish came true as she heard a soft call outside of her window, or perhaps it was the work of the Devil that he did come by on this particular night. Charlie set her book aside and stood up from the leather chair letting every bone in her body stretch and crack as they hadn't moved for hours.

She kneeled across her bed and leaned her head and body outside the window. Ian looked up at her boldly without a smile or second glance and waved his hand down. Before Charlie could respond he had sat down on the street curb outside of her house.

For a moment Charlie stood still and was just going to sit back on her chair but suddenly she desired the feeling of fresh air against her skin. She moved outside of her bedroom and slid outside of her front door making her way out across the grass barefoot and stood slightly behind Ian.

"What are you doing here?" She said, her voice cracking from the silence she had endured for so many hours. "Are you okay babe?" For a moment Charlie didn't speak, she cringed at his voice, just the voice of another human being. "fine." She grumbled. "I'd be better if I knew what you were doing here."

He laughed slightly still looking forward. "You weren't at Emma's house on Friday." "Yeah so?" Ian turned around smiling mischievously. "Well little miss party girl, I thought you were where ever the booze and drugs were." Charlie's face stayed flat, she wasn't amused to be dragged out of her room at two o'clock AM in her shorts while freezing for no reason.

"Oh sorry I missed out on all the drunks and pot heads." "What Charlie, since you're the big leads now doing cocaine your to good to come see your friends?" She shook her head, annoyed and answered slowly. "I did that once Ian, it was a mistake. Why do you care anyway?" "We _are_ friends aren't we?"

He asked turning around again looking up at Charlie who was still standing. She grunted, her mind going through a state of shock for what he said and the sudden human contact that she had been lacking lately.

"What Ian? Do you think because I have _tolerated your existence_ for the last few weeks and because im polite to your face _and I haven't torn you from inside out with a knife that everything is okay_?" She said raising her voice with anger and a pointed edge. "_That we're friends?_" There was a slight moment of silence but there was no question in his face. "Well. Yeah."

Charlie rolled her eyes and sat down on the curb extending her legs out from underneath hear, as she slowly inched away from Ian Rowland's good lucks and quick charm. "Then your more of an asshole then I thought, how the fuck did you get into college anyway." Charlie cried looking forward with a point still sharp in her words.

"I don't know, but I did." Ian said defensively. "Where do you go anyway?" "Penn. State," Charlie snickered. "_You_ got into Penn. State?" He nodded as she slowly looked at him. "Where are you going?" He asked quietly. "Boston College." She smiled slightly and looked over at Charlie's long lean legs next to him.

"So how's Kale?" Charlie turned away from Ian and closed her eyes, biting her tongue. "Don't pretend like you don't know Ian." She said barely opening her eyes. "What your girlfriend Emma didn't tell you?" Ian laughed quietly and shook his head. "She's not my girlfriend." He defended, although he obviously knew.

"We're just friends." Charlie rolled her eyes looking at Ian. "She asked my permission the other day to date you." "And what did you say." Charlie grunted. "I told her she could take you Ian, because like I've said I don't want you." Ian smiled for a few seconds.

"What?" Charlie murmured. "You never once told me you didn't want me back." "Oh yes I did." Charlie quickly said. Ian shook his head silently looking across the street. "_No you didn't._" He continued slowly.

Love is a marathon. It can go on and on, for what seems like forever and maybe never stop or maybe slowly come to a finish line. You can end a relationship and still be in love. You can end a relationship and never had been in love at all.

As many things there is a difference between saying you don't love someone and actually stop loving them. It's an ongoing process. Not just one set day of letting go, you have to do it again and again everyday until perhaps one day you wake up and realize there is nothing left to hold on to, that there is nothing more to let go and that's when you know the marathon is over.

When you can talk about that person in a way that seems so distant and irrelative. When you can go hours, days maybe even weeks without thinking about that person. Perhaps the feeling of ending comes along when you finally fall for someone else. Then there are those other time when you've fallen for someone else, but you can't shake that last bit of remembrance that last little flicker of something got hold onto because sometimes its easier to hold onto the bad things then just let the good overcome you.


	25. Chapter 25

Critical Screening

**Chapter 25**

"Just forget about you and me for a second. What about Meredith? What about Alex and Christina? Who's gonna hold us together if you're not here? You're the glue. You George." Izzie insisted for not only herself but her friends and co workers around her. "I can't stay here." George replied modestly, slightly ignoring her glances.

"No one's making you go." Izzie replied. "I can't stay here and see you everyday, and I... I can't keep kissing you in elevators." "I know, I know that." But did she really know? Did Izzie Stevens really know or understand that George couldn't keep kissing his best friend in elevators during the day then go home to his wife at night?

And was it because he was married or because they were best friends? And maybe Izzie was pleading more for herself for George to stay rather then everyone else, but still, it mattered. She loved him and in the end you know he loves her to. Sound familiar?

The constant struggle of finding the truth, or admitting it, maybe even believing it? It wasn't always easy, or notable. Maybe you can't find it on the top layer, but its deep down, otherwise everything would be made of lies, which doesn't make much of love, compassion or friendship would it?

"Go ahead believing what ever you want to believe Ian." Charlie spat in a daze. She looked out in every direction that Ian didn't inhabitant. "So is there a reason you're here?" She questioned finally. She flipped her head around her soft hair swinging through the breeze as Ian's hand brushed across her thigh and sat there quietly.

And just as quickly as his hand brushed against her thigh, that same hand grabbed her face filled with lust as he pressed his lips against hers. There lips only parted for a quick second before they were back together their tongues dancing, to the music that didn't exist. And as the feeling of the world drifting away returned to Charlie Radin's body she pulled back because for those few moments absolutely nothing made sense, which is the exact opposite of what a kiss should do, what its suppose to do.

For moments she could feel herself trying to pull away but for some reason couldn't. But suddenly her eyes busted opened and pried her lips apart from his breaking the magnetic force. Before she could take a breath she stood up in a daze tripping over the street curb and began to walk away. "Don't you love me anymore?" Ian called to her. Charlie Radin turned around, popped her right hip and stared at him.

His voice was sarcastic and sly but his face was so venerable and she couldn't decide what he meant by it. "your insane Ian." Charlie said with her arms raised, sounder meaner then intended. She waited a moment and continued walking towards her house. Without turning around she knew he was still there just looking at her ass as she walked. "_Go _home." She cried before locking her front door shut behind her.

The next day loomed over Charlie as the morning sun woke her earlier then usual. She wasn't sure if she should be thankful it was over, sad because it was ending or just relived. But Charlie Radin found her self looking less and less forward to the hours ahead of her. While most seniors looked forward to the last day of high school, Charlie didn't.

She parked in the student parking lot and walking along the entrance way, that was virtually empty. The naïve freshman and egotistically sophomores were absent; several mindless juniors walked the halls but by most Scrathmore Academy were filled with seniors, talking and smiling, some taking pictures and signing year books but all with a subtle mood about them.

The seemed to ring too fast as Charlie's heart seemed to skip a beat it didn't seem right the way things were going because for the next three months she would go to party after party, hanging out with those people who had only recently let her in, she would say goodbye to the people who never meant anything to her, and not say anything to those who do, then she would leave to another place, another city, another year where no one knew her name or would stare as she walked by, hear whispers at her slight glance or hoping to hook up because of what they _heard_ and things would be different, but Charlie wasn't really sure if she wanted that.

It all seemed too depressing for a teenager to go through, yet she knew the tears that come from someone, just not herself. Just as the bell rang for a second time signally that Charlie was now late a second blonde was dashing by her. "Emma! Em." Charlie called instinctively. "Oh Hey Charlie." Emma said slowly turning around just outside the homeroom doorway. "I was just um… wondering have you talked to Ian Rowland lately." "Hmm, just for a little while last night, he said he had some stuff to do." Charlie nodded carefully. "Why?" Emma continued.

"Well it's just… I know Ian comes off as a real good guy and stuff but he can be a _real _jackass, a lot of the time." Emma grunted under her breath and rolled her eyes. "Look, I know that you and Ian have _your_ stuff, and history but I'm different, besides that last year." Charlie bit her tongue. "Em." There was silence between and slight grin crossed her face.

"You want him back don't you? Since you and Kale called it quits your regretting telling me no?" Charlie's eyes widened ten times its normal size. Kale walked by his eyes glistening with the words but his head stayed forward as he walked into the classroom. "No Emma, I'm just…" "Looking out for a friend?" She grunted.

"Yeah Sure." She smiled. "Bye Charlie." Suddenly Emma's quirkiness and slight dumbness faded away and she mimicked those terms of Amanda Hilfiger. As Charlie walked into homeroom she felt all eyes on her, how had this day of so called celebration turned into another day all about her?

"So you did decide to grace us with your presence Miss. Radin." Mr. Peters said checking her name off of the attendance sheet. "Lucky you." She grunted under her breath.

She looked at Kale, his cold eyes staring back into hers but for a split second that chill that he held softened and you could almost see a smile among his face.

She sat down slumping down in her seat. Amanda Hilfiger didn't bother spitting any sarcastic comments are her this morning, after the conversation days before. Did she do something wrong and hadn't known it? The chill in the air wasn't coming from Kale anymore it was like the hallways of the actually building was freezing her out, just waiting for her to leave.

"I just want to say one thing." Mr. Peters began. "Good Luck, it's a tough world out there, much tougher then inside these sheltered walls." He glanced at Charlie, slightly only slight enough for the quickest eyes to see. "at least for some of you." The bell rang and the classroom erupted not like on other days as quick as possible but slowly, like every step was your last savoring it for what it was worth, which in the long run was nothing,

"Hey Charlie." A familiar voice said grabbing her hand. She turned around and let her eyes meet his. "Can I talk to you?" She nearly busted into a smile of suprsiment and nodded following Kevin Radin out into the hallway.

She hadn't talked to her brother in weeks, months and maybe it started even before that. You could cut it down to about two years that the twin had really talked, the way they use to at least. The joy on her face was unassuming.

The lines disappeared and the weapons were placed away for the time beings until it was heard of what he was going to say. The fuzzy musk of lies drew across the air, it was hard to tell the lie from the truth wasn't it? Confusing and masking because you always want to believe the ones you love, even if they are truly evil.


	26. Chapter 26

Critical Screening

**Chapter 26**

"What the hell was I thinking? What possessed me just to blurt it out like that?" Jack said worriedly. "Come on, Jack. It's not like it's a big secret. Anyone can find out if they want to." Jack took a deep breath looking at his sister Andie. "I know, I know. But it's naïve to think that people aren't going to care. You know, it's naïve to think that people aren't going to be small minded and bigoted and ignorant and this whole thing isn't going to just get worse from here on out. I don't know, maybe I should just quit."

Andie smiled comforting. "Okay, now that is ridiculous, Jack. Because you did the right thing. The alternative is to not tell people who you are. And who wants to live like that? And besides which, you are great with these kids. So what you need to do is stick with the coaching and just stops worrying about the parents and their stupid hang ups. Okay? Because it will blow over."

People pretend everyday to be who they are not. To send off false signals so they will more "liked" in society. A persona. After all isn't that what a celebrity is, someone glorified to become that person everyone likes. Isn't that what the star player in high school is? Or the school slut? How about the president or anyone slightly important.

Aren't those who appear to be different from the norm hurt and discrimated against? Because there not like you or me? Is there any such thing as normal anyway?

Charlie leaned against the hallway that was slowly emptying looking at her toes as her brother wandered in front of her. "What did you say to Amanda the other day?" Radin finally blurted out. "Well, I was just asking her…" Charlie began a little too easily for the relationship that they had carried lately and looked up into Radin's eyes. "Wait. This is about her?"

Radin nodded intently the glimmer in his eyes stern and hard as he crossed his arms. "Why what'd you think I wanted." "Well I." Charlie said looking around the hallway. And for a moment Kevin Radin was harsh, sarcastic or rude to her. That expression in his face that he use to carry, his kind voice, almost friend like returned.

"Look Chay, our friendship is over." She smiled at her own nickname that she hadn't heard in at least year. "but you're my brother, its not like your just some friend that I dropped in the past year." He shook his head. "We're not friends anymore, but I am your brother and the brattiest form. Because if we were friend I wouldn't have told everyone you slept with Kale and you wouldn't have chased be across the parking lot."

Charlie grunted. "Apologize then?" Charlie asked kindly. "So what did you say to Amanda?" He urged again. "What's it to you." A beep came through the loud speaker and instinctively both of their eyes drifted towards the top right corner where the speaker sat. "would Charlie Radin please come down to the main office." A woman said quickly before beeping out.

"Kev, I gotta go." She said pushing past him ignoring his sly comments as she left. She wasn't sure what the call was for. When she got down there one of the sectaries immediately pointed her into the principals office. Charlie stood in the doorway and quietly knocked on the door.

Mr. Stevens obviously had known she was there. He looked up before her fist his the wooden door and smiled pointing to the seat in front of his desk. "Hi Charlie." "Hi." She said in a low tone as she shook her leg staring back at the principal as he was at her.

"So I'm sure your anxious to get out of here." Charlie nodded as he smiled broadly showing off his crinkled dark skin and tinted teeth. "Well we have the ranks in as you know, and well how do you think you've done?" Charlie slightly confused answered: "top twenty I'm hoping, I mean I was shooting for the top ten but some things got in the way." She said becoming increasing quitter as she rambled one.

Mr. Stevens looked down at the paper and back up. "Well you hit number six Miss Radin, and I hope that suits you." A flash of a white smile raced across Charlie's face and suddenly her mood changed 360 degrees. "Really?" She was surprised but happy all the same, she wasn't a stupid girl and never was. People often were miss construed by what they heard of her and often let everything else drift away.

"I don't mean to sound rude, but do you call everyone down here just to tell us our class rank, I thought that's what rehearsal was for?" He then again smiled more anxiously as he fooled around with the papers on his desk the silence ticking by.

"Well there is something else, your are right Charlie." She nodded looking out the window that said with a sunny yet some how saddened sun behind his desk. "As you might know the top five ranks got sent to Rome for the last week of school." Charlie nodded, although she knew nothing about what he was speaking of.

"Well they ran into some weather trouble and they won't be arriving for senior graduation." "What does that have to do with me?" Charlie asked respectively. "Our valedictorian won't be able to make her speech." Charlie cocked her head to one side and slumped down her seat. "Mr. Stevens the graduation is tonight I can't…" He quickly cut her off. "You have to, Please." He nearly pleaded with her. 

She waited a moment and finally nodded her head in response. "I'll do it." "Thank you so much." Mr. Stevens said with a smile as he stood up as Charlie left the office shaking her head, because out of anyone in this school she want not the person to be writing the senior speech.

Sitting in the auditorium was silent although the noise in the background was unbearable by the rest of the senior class. Charlie said six seats down in the first, next to number seven in the class and the empty seats of one through five.

The screeching of the audio equipment sent a splint up her spine as the assistant principal stood in front of the rows filled with students. She ran through the program quickly. "So you guys will walk in, the principal will talk through a speech, then the class representative and the valedictorian, who seems not to be here." She mumbled looking over at the empty seats.

On the sheet there was a small cramped name at the bottom in pencil. "Oh it seems Charlie Radin will be doing it." She added quickly looking up towards the blonde bombshell, "then we'll call your names, you throw your caps and your out."

Because things were always that easy? They never were, they weren't that emotionally deformed or detached. Ever. "Then Just go and get your cap and gowns." She rolled her eyes as she set the microphone down and the auditorium quickly stood up solemnly walking over to the stage which a sign in sheet was.

Charlie looked form side to side before finally standing up following the rest of the crowd, for once, to the stage. "Name." A woman said from behind the desk. "Kale Manning." He said. Charlie instictivly looked over at him, yet somehow he didn't acknowledge that he was near any other human being.

"Charlie Radin." She replied to the questioned directed to her as she quickly grabbed the blue robe and cap and walked after Kale who was walking out of the school by the time her eyes reached upon his calm body again.

The bell had rung and her last day of high school was over. It was always a classic episode. The tears jerked, the characters changed and so often it was the season finale leaving you with the suspense of not knowing where they were going.

Dawson's Creek did it with Coda. The season leaves you with a last night in Capeside, Pacey not graduating, leaving of a house and final kiss. Gilmore Girls did it twice "with those are the strings Pinocchio" and "unto the breach" Always leaving you with more questions then it started with.

They rehash, and accumulate and tonight would be no different for Charlie Radin. It never was. And just as easily as graduation came and went so did Kale, and somehow he was gone with in a split of a second.

What happened to what they had? Even before everything. They were the best of friends and nothing could tear them apart, except some sex? Sex ruined many things, or perhaps it just complicated things. It confused people.

Sex was filled with emotion and just about everything except lack there of. So how could Kale somehow now be lacking emotion the one thing that sex defiantly has.


	27. Chapter 27

Critical Screening

**Chapter 27**

"This is it, dude. We never have to set foot in this stupid school or this stupid student lounge again." "Nostalgic already, huh?" Ryan hinted at his long time friend, almost brotherly like. "Never gonna have to see any of these shoe-peeing, shallow water polo-playing" Seth continues just as one of those "shoe-peeing, water polo players bumps into him.

"Get outta my way, geek. What is that, a dress?" The athlete spat. "It's a graduation gown. You're wearing one too." "Queered and Weird are wearing a "gown"." Taylor walked by with a silent grin as the athletes passed by and said: "And if I could leave you all with one final word of advice: Don't let the bastards get you down.

And maybe on these types of days, the type of days where you're leaving high school for the last time, believing that you'll never see those people you hate again and in The O.C.'s case you would be loosing your closest friend that night to a fatal car accident, that being nostalgic is alright.

But in hope that it wouldn't be that grim for Charlie Radin. Perhaps finally moving onto a happier more fulfilling life that living for every little rumor or drunken nightmare the weekend after, although that's what we all know the summer would be made up of, to make up for everything wrong.

The procession continued on in a sea of blue. They're legs weak in the knees as the wobbled across the footballs field grass. The plastic chairs sprawled out in rows and columns in front of the bleacher seats facing them.

The sky was shinning with the sun, a few clouds sliding across the blue sky. All the hats slanted to one side of each wearer head. The music played softly from the band filled with under classmen. It suddenly came to a stop as every blue column took their seats.

"Welcome." Mr. Stevens announced across the field echoing through the microphone. The ceremony was long and drawn out but Charlie Radin was thankful for that.

The bleachers were mostly filled. Mrs. Radin sat anxiously with her mother who was better off alone then Charlie and Kevin's mother was. Under the bleachers Ian Rowland stood, leaning against the metal bars holding the seats up. Mr. Manning was sitting with his cell phone pressed to his ear and Lauren Manning proudly looking out at the students next to him. Ian Rowland had missed his own graduation, but in the end he wasn't the sentimal type, nor did _he really need the certificate after all_. But when Charlie's name finally did crack through the field her heart beat picked up speed.

She made her way to the small set up stage that somehow faced both the bleachers and her fellow classmates. She stood behind the podium and grunted under breath before looking out to her fellow class. Have you ever had that feeling of a glare? A harsh stare? Enough to shake you silly. Have you ever had that feeling four hundred times in a row?

Because that's what it felt like and Charlie was just about to crushed under the pressure of all the glares. ""Well um." Charlie mumbled. "Welcome?" she had spent the rest of the afternoon trying to write the speech but still it was as if the words weren't right.

"We, I made it." She smiled brightly as she left her blonde hairs fall through the breeze. "...We made it through the past four years, through everything that high school is really about betrayal, hatred and drama beyond control. Sounds fun doesn't it? I _use_ to come home everyday and my mother use to ask me and my brother how I day was, well we didn't answer with much, because what she wanted to know wasn't what we remembered." All the eyes still stayed glued to her.

"it wasn't all bad of course, otherwise people wouldn't call it the best four years of your life, there's always that first love that one person who you somehow think will be with you forever, your high school sweetheart. That one love that ends up as a fire burning in hell throwing people like me into a pit and taking the latter." She continued taking the words she spoke on a rampage she didn't mean to take the speech down with her. Charlie finally stopped and stood a deep breath.

"Well you know... and then there are those best friends that are always there, by your side that you actually know will be there, until there not and just dye a little bit inside." Charlie spoke slowly letting herself unwind too much again. Kale sitting in the student's area smiled to him and looked down because suddenly there was hope.

"But then your here at your high school graduation and suddenly its like every rumor or funny joke, every party whatsoever passes by you and think, it wasn't that bad? Right? But you still know everything is uphill from here... I hope anyway... congratulations."

Charlie Radin waited a moment then slowly those glares turned into small glimmers. She let out a small breath of release as the field erupted in applause. She smiled that glowing smile that made so many guys want her and took her place back in the rows and columns of blue.

As Mr. Stevens announced the names across the field Charlie seemed to come across Ian underneath the bleachers. He was clearly staring back at her, a sly closed mouth smile across his face she smiled back, to her own surprised and slightly waved. Kale Manning was sitting diagonally behind her and looked from Charlie to Ian and was too baffled to move once his name was called. And just as suddenly as the hope came in it died again. "Kale Manning."

He walked across the stage and time seemed to slow and before Charlie realized Kale was off the stage her own family was called. "Charlie Radin." Mr. Stevens announced. "Kevin Radin." He said soon after.

And as Charlie slowly walked back to her seat "Emma Watson." Mr. Stevens called she walked past Charlie and at the same time waved at Ian Rowland underneath the bleachers, as he was waving back at her. Charlie gulped as she sat back in her chair the moments passing by her and before anyone knew, high school was over.

The bleachers filled with family members slowly erupted as did the student section with blue caps flying in the air, Charlie didn't bother, she didn't need to loose her blue hat somewhere in the fake grass around her, she just sat there smiling until a hat fell in front of her.

Fate? She leaned down and picked it up standing up only to find that fate had let her down once again. "Hey Nick!" She said with excitement not letting her loose faith in what she had, the feeling inside her of hope.

She swung her arms around her good friend and let her sweep his around her body as well. "Is that a smile of Charlie's face?" Nicholas Cameroon said jokingly as he pulled away. "Nice speech, I think that's a speech that was actually the truth." At that she blushed, and looked down. "Where's Kate?" He pointed to the bleachers and waved to her as she was beginning to walk down the stairs. "I always forget she's a year younger."

Nicholas nodded. "It's going to be hard." "Nick!" Someone called from across the crowd. "I got to go, but I'll see you at Emma's later right?" He questioned as he began to walk away. She nodded shortly and began to walk up the hill where she saw her grandmother happily waving as she neared her family, if you could call it that, Radin standing next to them holding his robe in hand.

"Congratulations Chastity." Her grandmother said giving Charlie a hug, because truly Chastity was her true name. And although Charlie was given as a nickname to her the day she was born, truth to her true name wouldn't have lasted much past thirteen, the day she lost her virginity, anyway. "I'm so proud of my twins." Mrs. Radin murmured tugging both Chastity and Kevin into a hug tears dripping down her eyes, but Charlie always wondered if her mother cried because of what she said she was crying about or really just because she was missing to much with her disability.

When they left, the family ended back at the Radin household, Kevin left for Emma's long before Charlie did, she stayed held up in her room as she did for the past week or two of her life. She closed her door got dressed in her party clothes and turned on the television. It was time to say goodbye.

Goodbye to the people who helped her make choices through life, the music that formed her own choices, the people who helped formed herself, goodbye to the Gilmore girls. And all though she knew them in true life not, Charlie believed as any other loyal fan of seven years believed they did, know the characters, which in a sense if they were real people they did. It was like having a good friend, seeing them every week, and on re runs when ever you pleased then having them ripped away but it wasn't as easy as ripping away a band- aid.

The last few moments came and Charlie knew what was coming, the ending she hoped would never come ended as it began. Tears were streaming down her eyes as Lorelei and Rory sat in lukes diner in the same seat as they had seven years ago, Luke cleaning up the diner in the background and as the clock stroke 8:59 the camera began to pan out leaving them to they're own little corner of the world, and Charlie's in her, which for the time being was sitting crying her eyes out, and maybe it wasn't just because Gilmore Girls was over, maybe she was finally crying over her life, over the past year, over her friends, over her loses and her graduation of high school.

And as she cleared the tears from her face she got ready to go to Emma Watson's house where everyone would be. She waited a few minutes for Kale Manning to walk through that door, because they had always planned on going to the big senior night party together, everyone would be dressed up in dresses and khakis' just because a fancy party made everything more fun with alcohol and just because it was tradition.

But when Kale didn't show up, as Charlie expected he wouldn't, she drove to Emma's house, an hour or two late with one goal and one goal only. Get _drunk_. Get _wasted_. Get Kale Manning _back._


	28. Chapter 28

Critical Screening

**Chapter 28**

"Sorry, she can't. I'm not her boyfriend anymore." "What?" Rory proclaimed as she could see the eyes peering at her. "You know, I tried to ignore this. I really did, but I don't know what the hell I was thinking." Dean cried. "What are you talking about?" "You don't wanna be with me, Rory." She shook her head as Dean's eyes darted between Rory and Jess. "Yes, I do" she pleaded.

"Oh, please! You've been into him since he got to town, and I have spent weeks – months, actually – trying to convince myself that it wasn't true, that everything was fine between us. But now I know that I was an idiot. You're into him and he's into you, and Shane, who by the way, should be listening to this 'cause it's so damn obvious." Dean yelled. "What's obvious? What did I do?" Rory cried, tears streaming. "Everyone can see, Rory! Everyone. And I'm tired, but I'm over it, so go ahead, go. Be together. There's nothing standing in your way now, 'cause I'm out."

Sometimes it takes longer then expected, or longer that it should to give up. Sometimes it because you don't realize that its over, and sometime its because you don't want to give in, or give up on those things that always meant so much to you. Cause' sometimes loosing is as bad as never having.

Dean was defeated against his best efforts which in the end hurt him more and in some ways it hurt more for Charlie not to have Kale in life then just in one way, friendship or otherwise.

Emma Watson had pulled out every penny she had on this event. Slowly but surely graduation night party had been passed down in the town, and every ear it got a little fancier, a little more alcohol was added to the bunch and a few more kinds of people were invited. The house was fairy decorated and perhaps that's why Emma had gotten so harsh with Charlie the other day, she was hyped on the feeling of holding this party. Too bad she didn't know she wasn't the only choice, just the only one with a big enough house.

The dinning room of the house was purely there for holding the alcohol. A couple of the kids who couldn't quite make the invitation list were standing behind the abdunce of bottles serving out the drinks, to make it seem all the more special. The music was blaring just as loud as ever but somehow tonight the voices of the party goers seemed to be louder then the small school band playing in the corner.

Charlie walked over to the table and asked for a rum and coke, the boy standing behind there reached for the rum and gave her a questioning look after he poured it into a red cup. "And coke." She urged. "We don't have any." Charlie rolled her eyes and took the cup in her hand drinking it painfully as she walked around the house.

She didn't see him and regretfully and just as painfully as she finished her cup of rum she walked up the stairs emptied handed and looked into the first bedroom which for the time beginning was empty.

She checked the next room and quickly ducked out as two seniors were making out across the bed. At first glance the last bed room was empty but as Charlie Radin ducked out of the room she noticed a dark hared boy sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the bed facing her.

Charlie recognized even the back of his head well and walked farther into the room closing the door behind her. He didn't flinch but somehow she knew he knew she was there too. She crossed her arms and looked at the dark hair and finally spoke: "What the hell are you doing?" He turned around and smiled mischievously.

"At the party?" He asked sarcastically. "No I figured you would be here, but what you are doing _here_?" he smiled again. "Emma was all rushing me to get up here, and then once we did she barfed on my lap." His pants were obviously stained. "Apparently she has been drinking since the ceremony, non stop. . ." He shook his body in disgust. "Hmm." Charlie murmured.

"Anyway, I figured you would be up here eventually." "Oh yeah?" Charlie added sarcastically. "Looking for Kale, but don't worry he hasn't been up here." "And once again Ian Rowland, _you_ don't know a thing."

"Is that so?" He questioned walking over closer to her. Charlie Radin nodded letting her crossed arms fall to her sides. "Like I bet you think that I don't hate you." "So is that a backwards way of saying you hate me?" Ian asked pressing his body against Charlie his lips only centimeters from hers. Charlie did speak and Ian softly laughed letting a shot of cool breath hit her face.

"Or you actually think that kiss the other night meant something more then just a kiss." Ian wrapped his arms around Charlie Radin's lower waste. "See and that's how I know it did mean something Charlie, because in fact you were _actually_ thinking about it." He planted his moist lips upon hers.

Her arms stayed flailed in the air and they slowly let themselves down resting around the back of his neck. The feet perfectly twirled around each other moving across the floor until they finally feel upon Emma Watson's bed, they tongues dancing inside their mouths.

"_I think I know more then you give me credit for." _Ian Rowland mumbled into her ear as his hands lowered around the bottom of her dress. Charlie's eyes were closed as he kissed down her neck she waited for him to press his lips against her again and once he did he hands slowly rose under the dress of her skirt.

Charlie's heart raced as he grabbed the rim of her paintes she gulped and pulled away from his lips but it made no difference to Ian as he slowly kissed her chest. The memories of the worst time of her life were too close to home and to him at this point. Her heart jolted and something just said it wasn't right.

He began to slide her underwear away from her waste and she jumped up, her hair a mess but somehow Ian didn't get the message and still fumbled around underneath her dress until Charlie pushed him off the bed, giving him a surprise from him own self.

"I think I give you just as much credit as you deserve." Charlie ranted walking towards the door. "Nothing, Ian nothing." She yelled. "Charlie." He said calmly reaching out for her head. "No." She said grabbing it back and opening the door and he slammed it shut, reaching his hand above hers. "I care about you." She nearly laughed as he back rested against the wooden door. "Remember what we could have had?" He asked leaning his hand against her stomach. "Before you just through it away." Fire burned in her throat and for a moment Charlie Radin couldn't even speak.

"_Don't criticize me_!" She screamed, knowing that any other couple in neighboring bedrooms could hear her. "You weren't there! You left Ian, and if you really cared about me or what he could have had, then you wouldn't have left!" She grunted opening the door again. "I thought you were different, but this proves your not, you're the same, stupid kid just looking out for number one, a little hooking up!" She turned around and smile.

"And don't think for one minute I didn't know that you were hooking up with Emma behind my back last year, and don't even pretend that you were the father of my baby!" Ian Rowland rolled his eyes. "What the fucks are talking about? Who the hell else who _do_ you, besides your supposed rapist." Ian snarled anger in his voice and a red face of embarrassment.

Charlie pressed herself again Ian once again and grinned because for once it felt good to tell the truth, even if it was to the most unworthy person, the one person who should never know the truth, Chastity should have really just let him live with the blame of what he did because either way he ruined Charlie's life, he ruined the sense of love she use to felt, he took her trust and threw it out in the garbage, so she told him.

"_Nicholas_. Okay? I was mad, and I was angry with you for sleeping around and thinking you was pulling one over on me! So I slept with him, once! And it did the trick more then you could say. Well whose the jackass now Ian?" Ian said nothing he swallowed hard in his throat his face point blank white and even Charlie for a moment had to take a moment to breathe before she ran down the stairs, feeling anxious and woozy in her body. Because in a life that everyone knew her secrets Charlie had only one to herself and no one else, and she might have just let her last secret out to the _wrong _person.


	29. Chapter 29

Critical Screening

**Chapter 29**

"Anticipation is the purest form of pleasure. And the most reliable. And that while the things that actually happened to you would invariably disappoint you, the things that never happened to you would never dim, never fade. They'd always be engraved on your heart with sort of a sweet sadness to them." Joey Potter said quietly as she remembered those times when things meant more before they happened on the creek.

Because what never happened can also never disappoint. You can't say if I did this, or that differently, I didn't do that, or see him or her. If your anticipating the future you can imagine the greatest, brightest events in life.

You don't have to worry about him saying no, getting in a fight or the reactions to what you say or good because in your own mind they can always be good, which can be better then the actual following out of the anticipation.

Anticipating cant hurt you or disappoint as sadly reality can. But on the flip side anticipating the worse can make everything better, in a smaller sense.

The party was loud and wild, it seemed like things were heating up, either that or the alcohol bottles were just winding down. But for Charlie Radin the house around her was blur and her sudden jolt of bravery and fury was becoming something calmer and regretful.

She had anticipated telling the truth to someone at some point in time, but she _never _expected now, to Ian Rowland, and perhaps that was a mistake and that she knew. She wandered away from the open door way and fumbled over her feet, she suddenly felt wheezy and as if she was going to throw up as she took a seat on the stairs closer to the noise of the party.

She leant her elbows on her kneecaps resting her head in her hands letting her blonde hair fall forward. "Can I offer you drink?" Someone asked as Charlie pulled her head up with force and reached out her hand. "Thanks." She mumbled as she held it in her hands. "Actually yeah, I do_ need_ this." Nicholas cracked a smile as she slid next to Charlie on the step.

"Is everything okay?" She grunted as she took a sip from the red cup and to her surprise took all her power to swallow it down. "A bit strong." She said swallowing again. "From the girl who walks about the house jugging a bottle of vodka." Nick said again, still smiling as she took another sip. "Your right."

"Have you seen Kale around?" She asked awkwardly. "I saw him walk in a little while ago, while you Miss. Radin were upstairs." He winked. "Yeah, I only wish that was why." She said softly under her breath no matter how strange that sounded. Suddenly harsh steps came crashing down the stairs behind the two sitting together.

Charlie knew insticvly who it was and continued to look forward. As Ian Rowland came into view he stopped at the end of the staircase and took a quick glimpse of Nicholas and Charlie. His eyes were red and blotchy and gave Charlie the idea that he was crying. He forced him self to laugh in spite of him self as Charlie cringed at the site of him and looked down at the carpet covering the step below her. "Have a nice family you two." He grimaced before slamming the front door shut loud enough that they could hear.

"Were you guys fighting?" Nicholas asked quickly as Charlie raised her head. She nodded. He looked away for a moment but before Charlie could take a sigh of relief he spun his head around again. "Did he just say you two…?" Nick Cameroon said trailing off. Charlie Radin bit her bottom lip, which was now clear of lip gloss, regretfully thanks to Ian.

She finally nodded and looked in the other direction quickly as his voice came down to the volume of a whisper with slicing harsh tones, but somehow still kind. "He knows? You told him." Charlie's heart raced the fury of last year, the times that caused her so much pain lived too much in the present and killed.

"He thinks I didn't know Nick, he was, _is_, too sly for his own good. He was there trying shit, and I was screaming at him and it just blurted out. He thinks I didn't know about him and Emma, I couldn't…" Charlie didn't a deep breath, her throat burning from talking so fast but in such a low volume.

"I couldn't let him get away scott clean with out knowing, I know that doesn't sound right, but he's a jackass and I…" Nicholas wrapped his arm around his friends shoulder letter her take a deep breath. "I am so sorry Nick, I'll go find him, I'll make sure Kate never finds out. Just because things never work out for me doesn't mean I would ever want…" "Its okay."

"You didn't do anything wrong tonight Charlie." Charlie was silent and was taking deep breath still in shock of it all, but inside she was crying at her own pity because she did it all wrong, _everything_. "Nicholas, I didn't have the right to say that, I'm not any better then him, I cheated on him just like he cheated on me, yet I think I should get at him I…" Nicholas kissed her forehead and tighter his grip upon her. "You have all the reasons in the world to mad Charlie; he left you when you were pregnant with his kid, don't think your wrong here."

Charlie Radin gulped as she pulled away from Nick's grip, she was wrong, she was so wrong. She gulped. "I'll make sure Kate never finds out, I promise." She said softly getting up. He nodded as Charlie walked away, she quickly turned back around, Nick's face turned a pale as a ghost as he dug his head into his hands shaking his hand, and punched his fist into the wooden banister.

Time slowed as Charlie walked through the crowds for over an hour before she made her way back to the table filled with lower amount of drinks then before. She grabbed a bottle of vodka and grabbed her purse from the corner of the room making her way out to her car, in a daze as her life seemed to still, like everything was different and never could be the way it use to be, not that she wanted that.

She parked in front of the Manning's house hold for a long while before she went to the back of the house and made her way behind the garage and climbed up onto its roof, the singles slightly falling off from the constant down poor the town had seemed to endure. She could feel the rough skin of the singles pressing into her feet as she swung to the level of Kale Manning's room. She could hear the television playing as the breeze flew into his room from where she was standing.

The wire casing had been popped out a while ago, since Charlie was thirteen and started needing Kale to come over late at night because she thought she heard things, and even as the friends lost their way it was never popped back into place, just as they hadn't, not yet anyhow.

Although her dress was short and flowy as Charlie reached her leg up around the window sill, it seemed to constrict her more, her eyes were shut and she couldn't even open them enough to see if Kale was still in there and wasn't pushing her back out.

She held onto the bottle of Vodka with one hand and pulled herself into the room with the other falling right on her back, making a hard smack to the back of her skull. She laid there for a minute and let the pain rush through her, letting herself listen to the glass bottle roll across the wooden floor before she sat up with a jolt and opened her eyes.

Kale was sitting on his bed, on the other side of the room, his back against the wall, his legs pulled to his chest and he was staring at her sternly the television lights flashing against the rooms walls.

She gulped, wondering how she got from point A to point B. How her mind frame had worked it out that she could be at the party revealing her only secret left to herself at one moment then in her best friends/ex-boyfriends bedroom the next, climbing through the window, a glass of vodka rolling across the floor.

Anticipation of this moment brought good and happy things. Brightening her day and night. Anticipation could only make things better, and not worse as they seemed to be going as of late. But as Charlie Radin acted out those anticipations her actions for the moment seemed to leave herself digging a deeper hole.


	30. Chapter 30

Critical Screening

**Chapter 30**

"You coming with us? You gonna follow us? You gonna sneak up on us in Central Park or something?" Corey joked solemnly standing in his old classroom with his old teacher and professor and principal and next door neighbor. "No, Mr. Matthews. I shall remain here." Mr. Feeney replied with a slight glimmer in his eye. "No. You'll always be with us … as long as we live." Corey spoke, tears in his own eyes.

"I love you all" George Feeney said after Corey Matthews left the room looking out into the empty classroom turning down the lights. "Class dismissed."

And it was over just like that, every memory, every conversation, every fight, it was gone and over. Corey and his friends were so use to Mr. Feeney being wherever they were, like a guardian angel. He didn't warn them, or scare the away he was just there riding along the rollercoaster with them, helping when a hand was in need. And sometimes that annoyance that George Feeney brought with him was well annoyed, but when he wasn't there it was strange urgency in the air of unfimalrity. And while by the end of the last season Corey and all his friends were ready to move on from their sheltered life's there are some people you always need around.

Charlie Radin lifted herself off the ground and walked over to the closed door, picking up the bottle of vodka and setting it on Kale's desk. "Hi." She finally said out of breath unable to look him in the eye as she looked down at the tare in her dress. He didn't say anything as he got off of his bed and dug through his drawers.

"Your probably wondering what I'm doing here?" She said softly when Kale didn't speak. "Why I came in through the window? With a bottle of vodka? At one o'clock in the morning?" Kale pulled out a pair of his old shorts and an over sized tee shirt.

"Maybe why you didn't see me at the party?" She almost pleaded with him, because at this moment she _wanted_ to tell him, she knew he deserved the truth. "here." He said stuffing the clothes into her arms. "What?" "Your dress is ripped." Is the first thing he said?

She waited a moment staring into his dark eyes almost yelling at him, without words that's all you have to say?" Finally she pulled the shorts on under her dress, turned the other way, letting her bare back face him as she tugged off her dress and let his shirt fall over her body.

She turned back around with a scowl on her face. Still didn't say anything as he stood in front of her. "Kale…" She pleaded. "We graduated today." She said almost bursting into tears. "We graduated from high school today, and I never got to congradulate you, we never got to take those stupid pictures in our caps and gowns, we didn't get to savor our last few moments in that hell hole of a school." She paused for a quick minute gasping for breath. "We didn't get to go back to all our hangouts, or mock all those really smart kids who got stuck in Rome. Kale you're my best friend and I haven't talked to you in over two weeks_… Kale in order to talk to you for the first time in two weeks I had to climb into your bedroom window at one o'clock in the morning on our graduation day from high school _**and still haven't said a word**." She gulped.

"Kale." She said again stilled tears in her eyes. "Ian Rowland wasn't the father of my baby, and Nicholas was _and I thought maybe you should know that_." She said in a mumbled of words tears streaming down her face as she dug her face into Kale Manning's chest and he reluctantly hugged his arms around her.

His warm body contorted to fit her mold as he held her tighter. "Charlie." He said quietly as she was reluctant to let go of him. "Congratulations." She wanted to smile but she couldn't, she couldn't move much at all.

"I haven't drank anything tonight Kale." She said quietly as he took the bottle of vodka and tossed it on his bed. "Have I ever cared?" He questioned. "About me? I would like to think you still do." Charlie replied. "_About how much you drink Charlie_"

"You could call me Chase, you know." She murmured. "I could." Kale Manning said quietly as he stood awkwardly across from her. "Kale, I know I didn't tell you. I Know I didn't tell you for a year, but you know the truth now; you know that no one else does." He nodded. "That should count for something?"

He shook his head at that. "It counts, but Chas-Charlie, that is not why were not together and you know it." He took a deep breath. "Sure I was mad I had to pry the truth from you, and of course you were mad that I knew all this time, but were not together because you don't love me." "That's a lie Kale, I…" He laughed slightly, a harsh and cold laugh.

"You cant even say it Charlie! You love me, but what I'm saying is your not in love with me. I fell for you at Nick's party and I've been having those falling long before then, so you see? Where just not in the same… place,"

"We were best friends long before we slept together, Kale, and I refuse to let the things you think that by the way aren't true, stop our friendship." She swallowed deep in her throat. "I don't have many allies in this world and I have a problem not being able to call you late at night and have you come down that garage ceiling."

"I can't do anything about that right now." He said pleading with her, although his words were harsh he was speaking calmly with his own feelings on his sleeve. " I think you could do everything like that, right now." Charlie rebottled.

"I cant go back to being just friends! I cant go back to being your sidekick, your flunkies, your whatever I was! I love you, but I don't love you as a friend and I don't love you as just any woman, I love you as mine, so I cant! I cant… be your friend, I need it all."

"And I need you Kale! You." "You have other friends Charlie." He said cramming the glass bottle into a box underneath his bed and stuffed it back under. Kale Manning said nothing. "Kale?" He grunted as she waited a moment and walked towards his window.

"Don't pull a Joey Potter, your going to kill yourself." He murmured as she quickly turned around slamming his bedroom door shut. "Jesus, Kale." Lauren Manning said walking out into the dark hallway. Charlie stopped dead in her tracks. And took a deep breath as Lauren jumped almost as high as her.

"Sorry Lauer." She said quickly as the youngest Manning smiled. "What were you guys doing?" She questioned. "You have a sick mind Lauren." Charlie said sarcastically but with out a glimmer run her face. She waited a moment and nodded. "Sorry. Your speech was really good Charlie, and I don't know if you meant some of that stuff for my brother but I know he got it." "Oh yeah?" She questioned Lauren nodded in return.

"I'm going to miss you around her you know. When you go to college that is." She smiled hugging the girl who had somewhat been like an older sister when she didn't have one and a mother when her own was gone, Lauren had always seemed to crude and distaining but she was only tough skinned. "I'm going to miss you too." Charlie said afterwards.

"Oh by the way, there's a party here next week, my dad is going out of town." Charlie rolled her eyes. "And this is by Kale's request." "You know on my brother's best day he wouldn't risk a party, so I will be the cool Manning." Lauren smiled.

"I'll see what I can get you Lauer." Charlie giggled as she continued down the dark hallway in Kale's clothes none the less. Whether it was Kale himself with Charlie, his clothes or just the memories he was always there, in the same ways that Mr. Feeney was, as long as she lived.


	31. Chapter 31

Critical Screening

**Chapter 31**

"I know that I can count on you. Even though you drive me crazy." Jason said undoubtly with a slight smile along his clean cut face. "I don't mean to drive you crazy." Carly replied. "Yes, you do." He added remembering all the time he had to tell his best friend to count to ten.

They were friends, they were best friends. She was crazy and he was calm cool and collected. But they were none the less best friends with a past love story that no longer existed or mattered. But for Kale Manning it had to, and it always would but that Charlie couldn't understand. She so easily re-wired her brain to let the feelings and acts of sex fall to the back of her brain, and let everything else stay in front, she didn't let love matter, she wasn't sure how to love anymore.

She did of course love, but she didn't know how to say it, she wasted all those words on the boy who never deserved it, on the boy who cheated on her constantly with one of her close friends, she wasted those words on the boy who thought he got her pregnant.

But she didn't feel that way enough to waste the words on the boy who did get her pregnant, and she didn't even dare say those words to the boy who she actually felt them for, and him to her.

Charlie Radin didn't sleep much that night, perhaps not at all. She rolled out of bed in the morning and walked down to the lower level of her house. Her father was sitting in the living room reading the paper. "Hey dad." She said standing on the soft carpet crossing her legs. He grunted as he let the paper fall down on her lap.

"When'd you get home?" she said awkwardly. "This morning." Mr. Radin said grinding his teeth. "Hmmm." Charlie said waiting for a specific response that she continued to wait for as she took an Advil off the counter. "Do you know where Radin is?" Mr. Radin continued, Charlie shook her head. "So was your trip important." "Not excpecially."

"Then…" "Could you give your mother her pills?" He said interrupting his daughter. "Can't you?" Charlie asked cringing at the thought of having to walk into that dark bedroom. "Look Charlie, I just got home from a long trip what do you have going on that makes you so high and mighty that you cant help out your father who does things for you every day."

Charlie rolled her eyes, grabbed Mrs. Radin's pills from the counter and trudged up the stairs. Her father was completely oblivious to the life around him, the life of his family. He wasn't aware that he missed he only two kids high school graduation, or perhaps that as a young woman that Charlie was under stress. He didn't notice that Kale Manning wasn't walking through the house everyday or that she came home drunk way too often. He never saw that the twins had broken off the friendship in the past year or so, or that Mrs. Radin's condition was worsening or that she even had one.

Charlie opened the door to her parents room, the television was on and the lights dim as Mrs. Radin sat on a chair in the cozy soft room reading a small book. "Hi Mom." Charlie said uncomfortably. "its time for your pills." "Where's Kevin?" She asked rather disappointed. "I'm not sure."

Mrs. Radin set her book aside and took a deep breath as she took a sip from the cup of water next to her. Charlie timidly walked into the room and closer to her mother. "I am very proud of you and your brother." Mrs. Radin said as Charlie said across from her, slowly counting out the pills. She smiled mildly.

"Your speech was very well… I'm not sure I got it." There eyes met for a moment but nothing was spoken. "Change." Charlie muttered. "What?" "Things change, in high school that was the point." "Oh." Mrs. Radin replied_. Yeah oh. _Charlie thought inside of her head as she dropped the pills into her mother's hand.

"If you see Kevin, could you tell him to come see his mother." Charlie closed her eyes knowing that he was the favorite, yet he never noticed. "Of course." She said sarcastically as she walked across the hall into her own room.

There was nothing to say for the next few days. There was nothing to do and no one to hear. No one tended to call, not enough to give Charlie a headache as expected. She left the house rarely and waited for the next worthy party to come along, life seemed very dull and boring for the next week or so.

She wanted to go get drunk, so wanted to forget all her worries she wanted to have a good time. Which was what the senior party was suppose to be for, it turned to be quite the opposite. It turned from bad to worse, and the party ended with more things that Charlie Radin need to forget. It was too pathetic to just call someone up to drink with, and it was too suicidal to do it on her own.

When the first party in days seemed to roll around she was hesitant to attend. It wasn't far to walk, or hard to hear, it was just him. Awkward, but that was the point it wasn't suppose to be awkward, Kale was suppose to be her best friend. Yet somehow his pride was more important, but as the music blasted from down the road her heart raced, she wasn't to see him, and she needed to.

Charlie Radin left her house in the dark of night and entered another that was very familiar. The lights were dimmed the walls were jammed between masses of people. If Lauren Manning was the one throwing the party you wouldn't know it, it was filled with graduated seniors and the upperclassmen that now ruled the school, a few juniors trickling through the mix.

"Charlie!" Lauren screamed throwing her arms around her sister like pal. "You came." Charlie smiled pulling away anxiously. "Yeah why wouldn't I." She said uneasily looking around the grounded room as she got pushed into the stair case. "if it was my party you wouldn't know it." Lauren said forcefully as two unrecognizable juniors gave her a dirty looks. "I think the word got around it was my brothers." "Really?" Charlie added sarcastically. Lauren cracked a smile and took a sip of the drink that she held. "Not my style." She said making a face of disgust and handing it to Charlie.

"Well have fun anyway." Charlie said taking a sip of the vodka killed drink. "Don't be mistaken, I am." Charlie Radin smiled, flipping her blonde hair behind her shoulder as she walked taking another gulp from the cup.

"Charlie!" Nicholas Cameroon called from the kitchen as he stood against the wall talking to another guy, Steve whatever. Charlie smiled slightly jumping onto the kitchen counter sitting swinging her feet in the air as she left the empty cup on the counter beside her. As Steve walked away Nick turned back towards his friend.

"Hey." He said looking as he deeply. "Hasn't had a drink yet? How long have you been here?" "No." She lied. Nicholas smiled as he handed her a cup filled with something clear and strong as it slid down her throat like nails.

"A while." She said giggling as the cup pressed against her lips. Nicholas smiled he leaned his hand against the counter and spoke again. "So where have you been lately missy?" Charlie shrugged. "You never showed up at the movies the other night." "I know when the third wheel isn't needed Nick." She said. "It was Kate's idea." Charlie shrugged. "And at Emma's." "…and was Ian there?" She asked quickly cutting him off. Nicholas huffed.

"Okay, okay." He said with a smile. "So did you and…" "Hey Hun." Kate said coming up from behind him, cutting Nicholas off. They kissed gracefully before Kate said with a smile: "Hi Charlie." "Oh hey Kate." Charlie said just above a mumbled as she drank from her cup staring into the constant draining contents.

"So did you and Kale fix things up?" Nicholas continued as Charlie tossed her empty cup to the side. "You know I really have to go." "Are you leaving?" Kate questioned as she slid off the table top. "No, I just have to…" Charlie spoke as she walked away. "Be anywhere but there."

She picked up another filled plastic cup as she walked and slid her way through crowded bodies into the other room. Her eyes were covered once again as she stared into the pit of her cup, drinking deeply down her throat as she came to a sudden stop in front of another blonde, crashing elbows. Charlie swallowed as she looked at Emma Watson standing there, standing harshly. "oh Hi Charlie." "Sorry, must have not seen you there Emma." Charlie said sarcastically.

It was like she had given up. For over a year she had been nice to Emma, she had been her friend, and almost to the point of trusting her again. And for almost a year she had be conscious around Kate, she had been kind, and honest and trustworthy, she almost believed that she and Nick hadn't slept together, but tonight. Tonight she couldn't stand to be in the same area with Kate without feeling guilty and couldn't bare to fake a smile in Emma's direction. Neither of them deserved the fake provado she presented, and she didn't deserve to fake it. She was at the point where she was done trying, at least trying to be who she wasn't.


	32. Chapter 32

Critical Screening

**Chapter 32**

"I used to be afraid of so many things, that I'd never grow up, that I'd be trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would forever be shy of my reach, it's true what they say, time plays tricks on you. One day your dreaming the next your dream has become you reality and now that the scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, i miss her. i do. Because there are things that i want to tell her, to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be okay." Joey Potter's voice sounded over the screen as the moments counted down and she walked the streets of France.

". i want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually except you for who you are will become an increasingly rare occurrence Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey and Dawson, these people who contributed to who i am they are with me where ever i go. and as history gets rewritten in smalls way with each passing day my love for them only grows, because the truth is it was the best of times. mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticizes the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something. That we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all. That time our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear that's exactly how it happened. but this is how it felt"

And it was true, although high school and childhood is a difficult and tumultuous time in life, it defines you. It starts to mold you into the person you will one day become. It lets you meet the people who may not always physically be there but will _always_ be there at the same time. You meet those people who know matter how many years pass between you, once you see each other again it will be the good old days, playing dress up after first grade, and going to your first day of middle school together, coming home from swim practice and graduating from high school. You might not think of them every single moment of your life, or remember everything they said but you know it meant something.

There are those people that are always intertwined your life, unforgettable, unmissable, beautifully loveable. You get those feelings to call them late at night when you remember your code names for each other, or that night you shared your first kiss or when your just too afraid to grow up even more. Because even if you hated them at times, your loved them more, even if you wanted to strangle them when they didn't get it you know they did, and even when you said you would never see them again, you need to.

Charlie Radin, blonde hair and killer smile shoved by Emma Watson because she didn't want to fight and she didn't want to lie, she drank from a cup that she later found in her hand sitting by the wall of the house, people moved around, some dancing others just screaming across to each other.

"Hey Charlie!" Jason Sander called over from the floor where a few people were sitting including Lauren Manning. "Want to play poker." Charlie nodded slightly as she tripped over what appeared to be air landing on her knees. "Shit." She muttered. The small circle giggled as she took another sip from a cup that Lauren had handed her. Lauren smiled as she looked down at her cards waving to a body behind her. Kale grunted as he leaned his back against the wall behind the game. "So you loose the hand you strip your stuff." "Are we seriously playing strip poker?" Charlie blurted out.

He nodded and just as quickly Lauren jumped up from the ground. "Yeah I'm not that good." Jason cracked a smile and winked her directions pushing her cards to the side, as she disappeared into the crowd but Kale stood still.

As the game preceded so did Charlie's mind. It wasn't on the game or anything else for that matter as she slipped off both her shirt and shoes. Her vision became increasingly blurry as she stared down at the cards and came down to the fact that she didn't know what cards she was putting down in the first place.

She giggled as she tugged off her jeans, sitting on the cold hard floor in only her undies and bra. Sarah Stevens sat across from her in only her bra and skirt, Jason only with his shirt off but still with increasing discomfort kale Manning stood behind him. His arms were crossed and his face stern. "Maybe you should quit." Charlie could hear him insticvly say as Jason delta another hand.

"Come on Charlie." Kales defiantly said in her hear. Charlie laughed as she put down another loosing hand and dropped her other cards. "Damn Charlie." Eric said as she pulled down his jeans, looking at her intently as she giggled. Her hair sat in a high pony tail at the top of her head as she reached her arms back to her upper ribcage, a terrified grin on her face as she gulped down another cup in one hand. "Charlie." Kale demanded from behind her. Her hand swiftly unlocked her bra as two arms came from behind her, tugging her off the ground, she was lifted off the ground as if she was a child.

He held her in his arm with one and her clothes in the other, until her long legs found the floor as Kale attempted to bring Charlie up the stairs. "Jesus!" She cried after all her screaming came to a halt. She clipped her bra behind her back as she Kale through her jeans at her face angrily as she pulled them over her hips fallowing him up the rest of the stairs, the rest of the party bellow them staring. He pushed open his locked door; you could hear the metal bend. "OUT" He called as she two girls, half dressed walked out of the bedroom laughing.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked loudly looking at Charlie standing in front of the slammed door only in her jeans and bra. "_I am waiting for my shirt."_ She said slowly, her arms crossed stammering across the floor, toppling onto his bed where he had been sitting nights and nights ago.

He rolled his eyes as she got up off the bed and walked over closer to Kale where the shirt laid on the ground. She leant down picking it up, the two of them locking eyes as she bent upward slowly. "Or maybe I don't…. don't have to put anything on." She said quietly.

She leaned herself closer to him although his was sititng on a chair, her only sitting on her knees there faces were still close enough. She brushed her hand across his face lightly holding onto his skin for purity, his lips were parted for most of the conversation. Charlie closed her eyes before she even moved again but slowly began to lean forward locking lips with him, hardly. His lips didn't move an inch she locked hers with his bottom lip hoping for a tug back that she didn't get.

She pulled away half a centimeter and opened her eyes. They were so close their lips might have been touching but they couldn't have felt it. She let her hand fall from his cheek as it slid down across his shirt falling to his lap. The sexual tension rose as Kale's most lips closed for a slight second, so fast it was hardly noticeable before he pulled the elastic band from her hair and brushed his hand through the blonde mane.

He held his hand on the back of her head as he pressed his lips that full blown centimeter against hers. They both slowly rose to their feet in unison that lips constantly touching as if there was a magnet between. There wasn't a question or a worry, of who what when or why it was just now.

His arms wrapped around her bare waste as Kale Manning's shirt fell to the ground coincidently besides Charlie's. They fell onto the bed one on top of the other there tongues dancing as one, there beating together.

There skin pressed against each others, their legs twirling around each other and their breaths depending as the moments passed on. It was beautiful and remarkable yet somehow Kale wasn't even sure if Charlie knew it was him, lying next to her on the bed naked underneath the blankets. Her eyes were shut and her body moved up and down softly on his chest.

Kale laid awake, his eyes open looking up into the ceiling as he could still hear soft whispers coming from the lower level, but he left his sister to the duty of the party goers. His arm wrapped around Charlie Radin bare cold shoulders. Her hair was sprawled out across the pillow as Kale kissed her forehead.

Kale though long and hard for hours on end, unable to sleep and dream as easily as Charlie had. He wondered now that the moment had past that the time of not caring and only living _insid_e of the dream were over if Charlie would have slept with anyone who was willing, was her drunkenness impairing all her thoughts or just those that mattered. It never once crossed his mind that Charlie had drunk herself to the point of extension because of him, Kale never though that Charlie's mind thought that sleeping with him tonight would show him that she did love him. Kale just didn't think, that maybe it went past sex and alcohol.

But it did of course. Charlie didn't make sense like his did intellectually sometimes. Sure she was number six in her class and of course she understood life in the best way possible but she originally showed up at this party to drink herself to death if that is what it took to forget. Charlie since maybe the moment that she broke up with Kale missed him. Since that moment she walked away she wanted him back and although to do this she needed to say the three words she couldn't come with terms with, and couldn't live out, couldn't trust enough to do anymore, she thought maybe it had to do with more. Because Kale Manning was that person that created her life, molded Charlie into the person that she was slowly becoming. But Charlie wanted Kale to be the boy to see her both before and after the mold.


	33. Chapter 33

Critical Screening

**Chapter 33**

"The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much." Meredith Grey said voicing over shots of the busy hospital.

The truth will set you free they say. Free from what? From your own guilt? From the pain that you hold inside of yourself? There are times when the truth is meant to be said. But the information is so dire, so important, so life changing that even though if it hurts they need to know. Then there are those times where it hurts more than its worth. The words, the information hurts your mentally more then it hurts not to know. Those are the times when your telling more for yourself then the other person.

When you tell the truth just to hear it out loud, to rid yourself of the guilt that you've caused, you tell them so you can tell yourself you're a better person and not so they can become one. But it still is painful.

And sometime the truth is good, its bright and opens a better future. Sometimes it spreads the news of happiness and smiles yet it still can't be said and sometimes those truths are the hardest to come clean to. To admit that this is really how you feel, to come to terms that this or that really happened. To tell yourself you different from what you thought and even though in the end its good and bright and hopeful its hurts to come to that point to say, its painful to get yourself to say it, because in order to believe it you have to say it.

The morning sun rose high in the sky, pushing itself angrily through the Manning's windows. The curtain weren't closed enough to hide it and the heat of the room slowly awoke Charlie Radin from her sleep. The covers were still tugged around her bare body as her eyes slowly fluttered open, a splitting head ache rummaging through her skull and a pain through his body but a glitter in her heart.

Kale Manning sat in the chair halfway across the room. One of his feet planted safety on the floor and the other pressing upon a small table. He was wearing a tee shirt and boxers biting his lip looking off to what seemed to be the far distance, farther then house walls would take you.

Charlie made a small moaning noise as she stretched across the bed and suddenly Kale shook to life. Charlie took a deep breath, she could feel a pair of eyes staring at her suddenly as she took a feel to the familiar surroundings around her. She looked at Kale form the corner of her eyes and leant down picked up her bra off the ground. She clipped on her and pulled her panties underneath the cover. She looked to the bed side table next to her and popped two Advil's in her mouth. "Thanks." She mumbled Kale let his leg resting on the table fall to the ground as Charlie walked over to his resting her hand on his and falling down towards his lips. He let her kiss him for a second before she pulled away without a smile on her face. "Your shirt." Kale said handing the tee shirt to her as she awakrdly took it pulling it over her head.

"Did I do something?" She asked meekly, Kale cracked a small sarcastically smile and stood up. "You know I didn't sleep a wink last night." He said softly carrying on a calm conversation. "I was half worried sick that you had alcohol poisoning and half worried that you didn't even know it was me lying next to you." "Kale…I." "Let me finish." He said angrily.

Charlie nodded as she picked her jeans off from the ground and pulled them on over her hips. "Then I thought well you were the one that was drunk out of her mind last night, you were the one who kissed me first, yet somehow I let this happen. I was the sober one! And I still slept with you! How insane is that?"

"Its not insane Kale. It wouldn't have mattered if I was drunk or…" "Or sober?" Kale continued finishing her sentence. "because if you were sober I hope to god that you wouldn't have been downstairs playing strip poker in front of the room full of people, because if you were sober you would have never been up in my room anyway, if you were sober I might not have saved you."

Charlie took a deep breath. "it doesn't matter Kale. Last night was still real last night was still me and you, last night was_ just_ me and you." He bit his lip. "If it was just about me and you and not sex and not drugs then how come we had to have slept together last night when there was fifty people downstairs and a gallon of alcohol in your stomach how come!..." Kale took a deep breath and quieted his voice. "if it was about me and you and us, how come even as you woke up you knew something was wrong, how come you weren't surprised to see me sitting her on the chair and not lying next to you in the bed, how come you still can't say it Charlie?"

"Kale, you know what Ian did to me, you know what he did mentally to me either because even though Nicholas was the father it was Ian who hurt me the way he did and he was the one I said those words to and he was the one that threw them back in my face! I thought that maybe…" "Maybe sleeping with me would convince me?" Charlie nodded. "Well if you thought that then you are seriously diluted, you don't love yourself Charlie; if you did you wouldn't drink yourself to the pits "

"I don't need to love myself or forgive Ian to love you." "if you cant say it you don't feel it." "and how would you know!" Kale stood up from the bed. "Because I pondered over the idea of loving you for months Charlie, months! And it wasn't till I said it, till I took the chance to_ feel_ it, did I actuality _feel_ it…. And yes it was my fault to sleep with you last night I let it get there, but that's the way I get around you, until I realize that its not what I think, that my _own_ brain is diluted."

Charlie took deep breaths her arms crossed and her eyes drenched. "what the hell are you saying?" She asked out of breath. "I think we need a break from each other, I think we need to attempt not to be friends or lovers or anything." Charlie closed her eyes yet somehow still staring at him.

"we need to stop playing these games of this or that because it hurts too much to look at you and know what I know, and feel the way I do and have you just not know, to know that you cant say it and not want to." "we are best friends!" Charlie said her voice cracking as she grew with anger. "I have known you for all my life and see you just about every day of my life, except for the past two months that is and you expect me to not see you, not talk to you not touch you?"

Kale nodded. "it was coming Charlie for a long time now. We'll be leaving here and we'll… move on…maybe… eventually we will." He took a deep breath. "I just can't do this now, I cant have these feelings and I cant know the things I do." "Know what Kale?" Charlie asked wiping the tears from her eyes.

"_we've turned into one of you television shows Charlie! Were the Dawson and Joey, the Dean and Rory, were your Christopher and Lorelei and Lulu and Dillon, we're all those people that I've seen you watch for years and years and that's what we've become. So I guess your dream came true, your life is finally a show_." Charlie shook her head.

"So what happens now?" Kale almost smiled in a saddening modest way. "…so maybe we wont talk this summer, and maybe as time goes we'll find ourselves talking less and less but if we have that real connection that you believe we do, if that friendship that we have carried for all our life's really meant something it wont matter, cause if there is a connection it will always be there."

Charlie sniffled and grabbed the cell phone. "and now…?" "you walk downstairs and…and you go back home, you live the rest of the summer and I will mine and then we'll leave for college and I guess we'll either find out, or we wont."

"This is stupid, this is ridiculous, and sad and over dramatic." "Then why are moving towards the door." Kale said in between her muttering. "Because it's true." She said closing the door behind her.

And sometime the truth is spoken and the air is broken between you, and it becomes worse like the calm before the storm and other times the truth brings the silence, the silence that kills you so much that you wish you weren't living, sometimes that truth brings out the truth that you were really looking for all along.


	34. Chapter 34

Critical Screening

**Chapter 34**

"You really think I didn't say goodbye to you because I don't care?" Rachel said out of breath. "That's what it seemed like." Ross replied already missing her as he raced his_ friend_ to the plane station. "I cannot believe that after ten years, you do not know ONE thing about me." "Fine, then why didn't you say something?"

Rachel took a deep breath and looked at him solemnly revealing the painful truth. "Because it is too damn hard Ross. I can't even begin to explain to you how much I'm gonna miss you. When I think about not seeing you every day, it makes me not want to go... Okay, so if you think that I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me. So there, all right, there's your goodbye."

Sometimes goodbye are more powerful then hello. When you say hello, your just meeting you have the anticipations of becoming more, you lack the truths to tell and you have a bright future. When it comes to goodbye, its like the truth comes clean, the anticipations don't succeed and all those memories that you've made become all the more clear in her head, letting yourself paint a harsher picture of you and this person.

But what Charlie and Kale had wasn't even a goodbye; it was worse then a break up and quieter then a suicide. What Kale lacked to remember is that they were friends first, and lovers last. That even seemed to be the case when they were dating, the only thing that changed with physically. What Charlie knew is that she needed her friend. What Kale knew is that he needed her to love him. Kale Manning took the leap to end things in hope that the space, the distance, the time would make things better. _Time flies. Time dies._

The house was still filled with party goers sleeping across the floor, snores and major head aches cheering through the house. Charlie Radin took a deep breath whipping the tears through her eyes. There were soft rustles from the kitchen as Charlie walked over motionless bodies. She gulped and veered towards the kitchen, peeking her head in through the door.

Lauren Manning held a big plastic bag in one hand and was picked up bottles, cans and cups with the other. "Lauren comes here for a minute." Charlie said her voice quiet and scratched as she sniffled a final time. "Are you okay Charlie?" She asked startled that someone else was awake as she walked over to her.

"I got to go but..." Charlie said hugging her. "I'm going to miss you, okay? I'll keep in touch." "What are you talking about?" She asked pulling away. "I thought you weren't leaving for another month?" Charlie nodded in reaction. "yeah, well I don't if I'll see you before I leave and I didn't want to without saying goodbye, it will be weird to see you, I mean not…see you."

"Charlie what happened?" "Nothing Lauer, I'll see you around okay?" Lauren nodded slightly as Charlie walked towards the door and shut it behind her. Nostalgic feelings rushed through the air.

Charlie Radin drove down the block and pulled into her own driveway. The house was quiet as she closed the door but the family was already awake. It was a strange day that her mother was actually sitting in the living room on a chair rocking it back and forth, Radin sitting beside her. Mr. Radin was sitting in the dinning room reading the newspaper as he did to what seemed to be hours and hours at a time.

"Hi." Charlie said quietly, Radin looked over to her quickly and back at the televion, her mother didn't hear her and her father didn't acknowledge. "hey mom." Charlie said standing in front of her mother. Her hazel eyes met with Charlie's there was a frightened urgency in her face as she said: "who is this Kevin?" Charlie's heart raced as she back up slightly.

"it's me ma'." She said quietly. "Kevin?" Mrs. Radin said frightened. "Mom it's Charlie, you remember Charlie don't you?" "no. well…" Charlie gulped as she walked over to her brother. "Radin! What'd you do brain wash her." He looked at his sister with self doubt. "She didn't remember dad this morning earlier, but he hasn't said a word since." "oh but she happens to know you?" Kevin Radin shrugged.

Charlie stared at her mother for a moment and she hardly even looked back. "Kevin could you make this young woman move, I don't…" She trailed off as Charlie moved swiftly out of the way and over to her father sitting at the table.

"What the hell is the matter with her?" She demanded leaving over the table. Mr. Radin said nothing. Full of rage of the morning to took the paper from his hands and tossed it on the ground. "What the hell is the matter with her?" Charlie repeated. "You need to calm down Chastity." Mr. Radin said looking up at his daughter. "Your wife doesn't know who you are, and she doesn't know who her only daughter is and you're telling me to calm down."

Mr. Radin nodded once more and stood up from the table. "Dad you told me she was getting better." Charlie said softer now as Kevin's eyes darted into the kitchen, although he still sat next to his mother. "She is." Charlie nearly laughed at the condescending tone he held but she realized he was being serious. "You call this better? She's getting worse dad, and I know you don't want to admit it but she needs help."

Charlie brought her voice into a low whisper. "I will not bring my wife back into one of those hospital, you know how hard that was for us." Charlie bit her lip. "And this isn't? This isn't a life that your trying to give her, when was the last time you talked to her? Really talked to her? When was the last time I wasn't nervous to walk into her bedroom? No wonder she doesn't recognize us." Charlie swallowed. "I'm just saying me and Radin are leaving next month and it will just be you and her, you need to look into other types of care."

Mr. Radin reached up into the cabinet only seemed to be half inside of the conversation. "I told you Charlie I will not ship her off, I want her to live the way she always have." She shook her head. "Mom isn't living the way she did. When I think of my mother I don't think of her stuck in her bedroom all day, and me frightened to do anything. I think of her when her and Mrs. Manning would take me and… when they would take us out to breakfast on Saturday mornings, I think of her teaching me to sing while Radin was at karate practice, I remember her talking to me and giving me advice, I remember her keeping me on track, I remember a time before everything got so lost. Now…now this isn't my mother so do us all a favor and make sure she gets better care then you can give her. Do yourself a favor and make sure mom is okay."

Sarah Radin wasn't always a chair ridden woman with a slow brain sequence and a daily pill frequency. She was once the mother on the block who stayed home all day but nothing short working using everything she had. She volunteered for anything the children needed, she was kind angelic. She was the woman who had a wonderful husband and the perfect family and then her best friend died, and suddenly Charlie and Kale stopped going out to breakfast with Mrs. Radin and Manning because suddenly there was no Mrs. Manning.

It didn't take long for the absence of Sarah Radin's best friend to take a toll on her both physically and mentally. It wasn't long before a few more pills were added to the bunch to take every morning and it wasn't long till her anxiety rose to the point of pain. And slowly as her depression began to weaken, another problem was just around the bend. Sarah had two sixteen year old twins and finally her daughter met an older boy named Ian Rowland, and her daughter began drinking and partying and she didn't know what to do anymore, the mind lapse that she was already going through for years, the problems that her health was causing her family worsened when her sixteen year old daughter Charlie was pregnant. That added a bunch of new tests and pills and money into the kettle that Sarah Radin already held called a catatonic state.

She wasn't right or full in the mind. For years her mind was going off into a place that didn't actually exist and the fact that she was loosing her young angelic child broke the camels back, it killed her mentally.

After that the Radin family said goodbye to the life they had known. The moment that phone rang with the twins were in third grade their life's were forever indifferent. They're mother wasn't there and the kids life roads changed drastically. From the moment that Charlie made the decscion to changed her life, it changed her familes forever which is a pain and guilt she always hold close to her heart, another thing to forget. And as the summer came to a close there were too many things to say goodbye to. Cardboard boxes covered Charlie Radin's room certain things thrown in both old and new and the time was coming.

Charlie had said goodbye to her best friend, the sister she never had, the father who was never there, the mother who she lost, and the brother she abused, and she did this long before she physically wrapped her lips around the words. The people that molded her life were left behind long before the time came for college. Guilt over rode every other feeling she had left inside of her body. She did everything wrong, for years she had and didn't even know it.


	35. Chapter 35

Critical Screening

**Chapter 35**

"I mean, with you! What's going on with you?" Jess barked. "What do you mean?" Rory asked calmly yet still in the back of her mind knowing what her ex was talking about. "You know what I mean! I know you. I know you better than anyone! This isn't you." "I don't know." Jess exploded outside of the bar, looking at Rory Gilmore's life now, he was scared for her.

"What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the D.A.R.? No Yale - why did you drop out of Yale?" "It's complicated!" Rory defended herself. "It's not! It's not complicated!" How come everything seems for complicated then it is? How come people and events complicate things without knowing it. Change… change complicated the already complicated life.

Any good television has that spin off. Gilmore Girls had the potential spin off concentrating on Jess, General Hospital had Port Charles, and Dawson's Creek had the short lived Young Americans. Although none of the lasted long, or perhaps never made it to air, they had good parents none the less, the had a good try.

Life gives you chances over and over again, a time to start over just like a spin off, a new setting a new character a new chance to begin again and again and again.

The city of Boston set off a different setting for Charlie Radin. She spent more time on campus then at the bars and less time feeling guilty The campus was green and old yet somehow still beautiful and the best part perhaps above all, no one knew her. No one knew the infamous Charlie Radin, the girls with the slutty background and bad attitude.

No one knew that she was once a happier person then she was now and no one knew that Charlie knew anything else then she had become. The cold autumn breeze of November swept across the college campus, the fallen leaves crawling across the ground and the heat crawling across dorm rooms.

"Are you excited to go home next weekend" Lily Walters asked sitting on her bed, slightly across from Charlie's. Lily was a tall red head, with gorgeous blue eyes and the perfect body, an ex child model and a girl from Beverly Hills, she gave Charlie a run for her money at least in her old days, which made them the perfect roommates.

"What? Weekend?" Charlie asked looking up from her book frazzled although she had heard everything her roommate had said, she somehow lacked the ability to know what she was speaking about. "we have the week off for thanksgiving, forget already?" "oh yeah." Charlie said cracking a soft smile.

"You need to ease up on those books girl, your going to break a muscle or something." Charlie nodded dropping the heavy book to the wooden floor, letting it make a loud clamping sound. "I'm just excited to see Ron." "Your boyfriend right?" Lilly nodded. "Yeah I don't have much to go home for" Charlie muttered. "Like a girl like you has no friends back home?" Lily said sarcastically. "All the people who want to see me, I don't want to see them and the people I want to see, I cant." Lily smiled anxiously as she walked over to the burrow.

"I know someone who will miss seeing you around." She said with a wink. "Dawson." Charlie rolled her eyes as she stretched her arms across the air. "Every time I think of him I can't help but to think of the creek." "Everyone has to have their Dawson Leery Chase." Charlie gulped. "Can you not call me that?" Lily politely nodded and looked the other way. "All your stuff packed already?" Charlie asked lightening the moment.

"Yeah, I'm leaving in three days, but I jammed with classes." "Oh." There was a sudden knock on the door. Lily strode over to the wooden door and pulled it open. Dawson Palmer walked in through the door closing it behind him. "Hey Lil, Charlie." Charlie smiled as she got off the bed. "hey Dawson."

"Just wanted to say goodbye to my two favorite ladies." "Of course." Lily said laughing as she zipped up her suit case. Lily hugged the shaggy blonde headed boy as he smiled looking over her shoulder toward Charlie. She couldn't have been paying less attention as she stared out the window, knowing _he_ wasn't far from reach.

"Charlie. Charlie." Dawson said repeat as if he had been talking to her for a while now. "Yeah?" "Can you walk me out, I left my key to my side of the building." Charlie nodded biting her bottom lip as Lily laughed happily from the room as they left.

The cloud began to darken as Charlie leaned against the brick pillar on one side, Dawson on the other. "So are you going home?" Dawson asked. "Sadly yes, but not till Friday." Dawson nodded. "I leave tomorrow, blocked out my classes."

Charlie smiled slightly as she looked out at the water that began to fall from the clouds. "are you okay?" Dawson asked quietly. "Yeah I'm fine why?" Charlie said calmly as Dawson stood closer to her. "I mean in general you seem kind of sad." "no offence but I don't think you know me well enough to decide…" "Sorry, I'm just saying it seems like you brought a lot of your stuff here that you meant to leave at home you know?" Charlie stared at him with a glare in her eye.

"you'll have a much better time if you leave it at home when you go…I'm sorry but I just have to." Dawson said quickly leaning down, pressing his lips upon Charlie's she was slightly taken back she skipped a breath as he pulled. "was that okay?" "I… cant I have…" "a boyfriend?"

Dawson's face turned a quick shade of red. "I'm sorry I never heard you mention." "no no." Charlie said. _"I love… I love!"_ Dawon looked at her confused as she hugged him and began to walk away. "I have to go. I'll see you next week." She walked across campus quickly. Charlie walked pass the opening road of Tufts University and walked for a good twenty minutes to the BU

It was a strange feeling, because it wasn't that she hadn't thought about Kale, it was that she never thought she could change things. Charlie didn't realize that if she did something different then it would all be fine. She didn't realize that it was up to her, and not Kale's doing that made her feel this way. She didn't realize that he was only twenty minutes away at the University and that he was there, Kale was always there even in the past six months of lust and lost, he was there.

The feelings swelled within her as she walked up and down the hallway waiting for a name or number to recognize her. "I'll see you later Kale." A young man said walking out of a dorm room closing the door behind him and walking in the opposite direction. Charlie Radin's heart was racing and her palms were sweating a thrill of amazement and opportunity took her by surprise. In this way Kale was right their life's had turned into a television show, he said this month ago in the last conversation they had had, that stayed in Charlie's mind so vividly.

She walked over to the door that had closed only moments before and went to knock on it as her cell phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She nearly jumped as she answered the phone a sense of urgency in her voice. "Hello?" She asked quietly, enough so the person on the other side of the door wouldn't hear. "Charlie." Kevin Radin said weakly on the other side of the phone, he was muffled and repressed. "Radin?" She questioned surprised to see his voice as she walked to other side of the hallway.

"What's the matter?" she asked after hearing a sound of tears. "Its mom." He said quietly as Charlie began to pace the mixture of feelings of hesitation belted her to this one line of wood she walked on. She could feel her body shaking. "Dad just called me, he just called me and said…" Charlie gulped. "said what Radin? Cause im kind of in the middle of something I…" "_She's dead Chay! She's fucking dead."_ He screamed into the phone a harsh in his voice.

A chill rushed through Charlie's spine. "it was her brain, you were right Charlie she did more help then we were giving her, she wasn't forgetting things begins of her mental state she was because of her physical state, she had a vessel burst, and they couldn't friggen save her_. It is the doctors jobs and they couldn't_."

"o my god." Charlie said tears swelling in her eyes. "When! When Radin?" "this morning." Charlie closed her eyes, her entire body shaking as she bent down wrapping her arms around her knee's. "I call you back." She said whimpering into the phone. "but Charlie…" "_I'll call you back."_ She screeched to her brother hanging up the phone as she slowly stood up.

She couldn't move she leant against the wall behind her one arm wrapped around her stomach the other covering her eyes and mouth as a young woman knocked on the door in front of her. Charlie Radin took long hard breaths as the door opened in front of her, she was virtually unnoticeable to the surroundings around her. At first the familiar voice said hello then quickly diverted into silence. "Charlie?" He said a quiver in his voice. "did I come at a bad time?" The girl said looking between Charlie and Kale. "yeah, I think so." Kale said quietly walking out of his room further into the hallway. "I'll call you later." He said pushing back the girl who screeched walking down the hallway. "Charlie?" He asked again. She slowly looked up at him, her face covered with her melted makeup and her face contorted to a strange form of torture. She was a lost puppy looking for somewhere dry to sleep. She was Joey Potter, the Jess Mariano, the Charlie Radin.


	36. Chapter 36

Critical Screening

**Chapter 36**

"That's the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met, you don't need them anymore." Carrie Bradshaw said from the infamous Sex and the city. And that's true, with some and then there are those others that once you get them you grab on for dear life, because you realize them you need them more then you thought.

Since last July when Charlie Radin walked out of the Manning house hold she knew she needed Kale, she knew that if they never talked again she would still need him, the amount would slowly recede but never extinguish.

And as she stood in front of him in the dorm hall way, soaking wet from walking through the rain and crying for what seemed like hours she realized that she needed him more now then she ever had before.

Her mother had just died and no one in the world could understand it the way that Kale Manning could, no one would feel the same about Mrs. Radin as Kale would and coincidently she was standing outside his door and coincidently he was staring right back at her.

She stood for a moment afraid that any one faultier could ruin her chance, chance at what? She had forgotten what she had come here for and after a few minutes of silence, she couldn't even say what she wanted to. "are you okay?" Kale finally asked as they're eyes finally broke apart.

"My mom died." She said quietly looking down at the ground. "Jesus." He muttureted under his breath. "come on." He said pointing towards the door. "I can't I have to get home, I have to get my shit, I have to get to the train station…."

"_Chase_ just come inside." The words rang through her mind like a beacon of hope of as followed him inside of the dorm room, the large wooden door closing behind her softly. She whipped the tears swiftly from underneath her eyes and took a deep breath, looking out of the small window that took up much of the room it seemed.

Charlie crossed her arms, her hair was damp and she was shaking from the cold and the shock, the feelings and the anticipation. "here." He said quietly walking into her view handing her a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. She reluctantly took them in to her arms but didn't budge to put them on her body. "I don't know what I'm doing here." She said looking towards him slightly. "I have to get home."

"Let me take you." Kale said almost instivevly. "I was going home tomorrow anyway; a few hours won't make a difference." "I can't…" Charlie dropped the clothes on the bed next to her and turned around. "Yes you can." Charlie shook her head crossing her arms. "Charlie my mothers best friend just died, and that woman just happens to be my best friends mother, now let me take you home."

The sternness of his voice was threatening yet hopeful as he walked towards the door. Charlie waited a moment and followed him out towards the car in the parking lot, the rain beginning to subside. The sat awkwardly in the car next to each other, no matter how many times they had shared a car ride together it was never cut with this much tension, this much secretiveness or sadness.

She ran her fingers through the rim of her hair letting the blonde mess fall further from her face. "You know I didn't come to you for a ride…" Charlie said softly. "Then what did you come for?" He replied the two of them finally speaking an hour into the ride. She looked out of the windshield of silence just thinking.

"Did I ever make you watch that episode of Dawson's Creek when they all have Saturday detention?" "Sure." Kale responded. "well during truth or dare Abby makes Joey and Dawson kiss, which changes the feeling for the rest of the day. And remember at the end Joey is crying because she is so beside herself because she loves Dawson to the point that it hurts but she can't admit it to him because she's afraid it might hurt more, but he doesn't understand it." Kale nodded confused as he kept one eye on the road.

"I came to you because I've been Joey for the past six months and I came to you in the rain because I finally wanted to be happy, I wanted to say the words that you were ready to say a long time ago, then I got here and I got a phone call saying my mother died…" Charlie took a deep breath. "Charlie." "and now im thinking I was either all wrong or I was perfectly right and the phone call was just another bump in the road."

"Then why don't you say it." Kale Manning said optimistically. "Because I'm ten times more afraid to say it now, then I was before." She gulped as she leaned her head against the glass window the cold air pressed against her skin. The time passed as Kale drove off the exit the cars tension lightened somewhat as he drove through the town.

"Who was that girl anyway? At your dorm." Charlie asked quietly looking at the window. "Shane." "And she's…?" Kale shrugged. "A girl." Charlie nodded consequently. "how's Ian." Kale questioned. "I haven't spoken to him since graduation." She said shaking her head. "Why you guys have a fight." "I told him he wasn't the father."

Kale gulped. "Did anything_ happen_ between you guys." "No?" Charlie said unbelievable. "How about you and Shane?" "No." He said red in the face. "Nothing that mattered anyway." "Yeah that what I meant."

And that's how you know who your friends are. When you can have the biggest fight of your friendship and not talk for months, you see each other for two hours and in a strange way its like nothing has changed, even though it has. But today Kale and Charlie could still bring themselves to talk to each other through the muck of awkwardness and issues they had on the other side.

Kale pulled into the Radin's drive and parked the car and Charlie's heart stopped. "do you want me to go in with you?" "really shooting for the most awkward day ever aren't you Kale." Charlie said sarcastically without looking at him. "do you want me to…" He began again. "Yes…please." Kale Manning nodded as he got out of the car beside Charlie and walked up to the house and walked inside.

"Dad!" She called letting the door slam behind them. "Dad!" "Charlie is that you?" Mr. Radin said coming out from the kitchen. He was wearing his usual business suit but it was in a shamble. His tie was loose around his neck his top buttons seemed to missing and his hair went in every direction and which.

"what the hell happened dad?" Charlie said despaired. "last night she started having seizures, she went into the emergency room, they said a blood vessel popped in her brain, they couldn't do anything sweetie…" Charlie began to shake mildly as she stared at her father. "and now what huh?" She asked growing with anger as Mr. Radin just seemed to stare at her with all the angst in the world. "_I told you! I fucking told you to get her help and you did absolutely nothing_."

She took deep breaths. "you don't listen to anyone! Well listen now! You drink to much and that's why you never see me, I stay out all night and you don't notice, I come home drunk and you steal my bottles of vodka, I come home pregnant and you demand I get an abortion!" "Charlie." Kale said timidly from behind her.

"I come home crying and you tell me to go give mom her pills, I tell you to find her help and you send me and Radin off to college, my mother doesn't remember me and you let her die! You don't get to pretend to care now, you don't get to apologize or tell me to remember the good times because she is never coming back! And I don't have any good times left to remember because of you."

Mr. Radin stood there silent as his daughter screamed in his direction. "now wheres Radin." Charlie Radin demanded. "he didn't get here yet." She nodded her head once and pounded across the house and slammed the front door behind her. Kale coming out quickly behind, ready to protect and comfort, did he forget that he started the conflict?

Charlie sat on the damp stairs to the porch as Kale Manning came out of the house calmer and quieter. "are you okay?" he asked wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Charlie turned her head to the side looking at him with such a glare she back off of her and questioned his stance. "do you remember that you were the one that decided we shouldn't talk anymore? I mean you do concept that you told me that you couldn't be around me right?"

He nodded. "and you are aware that you cant have it both ways because if you could I wouldn't have been absent from your life for months." "Charlie, your mother just died, you just screamed at your father and I cant comfort you? That's the one thing I have left that I haven't messed up, that I can understand and I cant do it?" She shrugged. "you cant have it both ways."


	37. Chapter 37

Critical Screening

**Chapter 37**

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." Alex said of course in Grey's Anatomy.

There are those kisses from your grandmother that you rather wish never happened, the kisses from the boy down the road that never really mean anything, the kisses that you think mean the world until you actually get that mind blowing, magically kiss that changes your life.

And that kiss means everything. From the moment your lips touch you can feel it all the way down to your toes. You cant stop smiling for days and your head is in a whirl wind spiral. Suddenly when ever you see them your heart skips a beat and the process starts over time and time again.

When Kale Manning kissed Charlie many years ago, sitting in her bedroom because she demanded to know what it felt like, it was nothing, it was just the feeling of one lip upon another, when Charlie reached the time of Ian Rowland the feeling of his close to her felt like ruling the world at first, then slowly as time ran on the feeling was just another memory in her box. Kissing Kale again_ was_ what changed her world. What she needed for that feeling was Ian Rowland in between.

"Are you ready?" Kevin Radin said leaning in the doorway of Charlie's room, dressed in black as the clock rung twelve pm. She glanced over at her brother as she examined her hair in the mirror thinking that perhaps it was just too glad and bright for a funeral, too much like her mothers.

"I don't think this is something your ready for Radin." She said moving out beside him in the hallway. It was the next day and the funeral seemed to be planned too quickly for her own taste as the cold air rushed against the house. Although Sarah Radin rarely talked or made noise somehow the house seemed quiet without her.

"Dad is already there." Radin said as Charlie picked up the car keys. "Have you talked to him?" Charlie Radin shook her head as locked the door behind her twin brother. "there not going to make us talk are they?" Kevin asked after a short while Charlie began to pull into the church's parking lot. "I don't think so."

She grunted as she parked the car and took a deep breath. "what?" Radin questioned. "this is the most we've talked in… a long time." Neither of them cracked a smile as Kevin Radin nodded his head and walked inside of the church. Mr. Radin was talking to the Revern before waving to what seemed to be both of his children as they sat down together as a family, minus one.

They sat there in agony as the church slowly filled up. By the time the clock reached the one the church was nearly full to capacity. Mostly there to remember who Sarah Radin use to be and not who she died as.

Charlie felt a slight rub on her back as the Revern walked to the front of the columns. "You okay?" Kale Manning mumbled into her ear as he slightly ruffled with her blonde hair. Lauren and Mr. Manning sat beside him as Charlie was hardly able to conduct a smile before turning around. "We come her not to mourn the death but celebrate a wonderful life of Sarah Anne Radin…"

Later that afternoon there was a sea of black surrounding a tent and opening in the ground at the cemetery. The group stood around the body lowering down into the grave. An old friend of both Mrs. Radin and Mrs. Manning spoke slowly of a good memory, Mr. Radin was crying as he stood at the corner looking down at the uninhabitant ground. Amanda Hilfiger stood next to Kevin in the front her quietly comforting him around his waste as Charlie stood alone, without a sole in her world. She crossed her arms trying to hold in the tears; after all she wasn't one to cry.

She dropped her arms as she could feel tears stream down her eyes, the sun was beginning to lower over the small town just as her mothers grave was into the ground. A warm body seemed to press up against hers as his smooth hand interlaced fingers with her. Charlie didn't need to check or look she knew Kale was standing next to her, holding her hand just as tightly she was holding his.

As the casket softly landed to the dirt ground the sea of black seemed to slowly disappear. Radin slowly walked Amanda to her car and Mr. Radin stood silently in the distance before walking away talking to a family friend. Charlie didn't loosen her grasp around Kale's hand nor did she stop staring into the dark abyss of the grave that was slowly being covered. "Do you want to be left alone?" Kale questioned awkwardly that no answer followed.

Charlie took a deep breath as a cool breeze ran up her spine like a sugar rush. "Thank you." Charlie finally said looking up at Kale who was looking away in the distance across the cemetery where his mother laid to rest for the last ten years. Hmmm. He moaned as he friendly hugged her in a way that allowed the two of them to still hold hands which made the moment all the more sexual charged in the strangest way.

Kevin slightly waved over to Charlie from the car not too far away as she pulled away from Kale and as she began walking towards the car Kale tugged himself in the same direction. And almost instivevly they both dropped hands at the same time and began walking in separate directions as if the tension became too much bare, too much to bare _without _doing anything about it that is.

"How's Mandy?" Charlie asked once the family was sitting in the car, breaking the silence with her natural sarcasm to hide the pain. "Fine." Radin said looking out the window. "been to anymore parties?" He asked angrily almost. "with Kale." Charlie rolled her eyes and waited for the car to stop when it finally did she was in for a surprise.

Charlie got out of the car and immediately had an uneasy feeling about her, Kevin and Mr. Radin walked inside of the house quickly before Charlie did as figure walked out from behind the bush. His was tall with deep colored eyes, his shaggy black hair flopped on top of his head and a face to die for but an attitude that killed.

He walked towards her slowly but she stood still unable to move, just because she didn't want to. "Hey." He said walking closer to her looking in other directions besides Charlie's face. "This really isn't a good time Ian." She said crossing her arms. "I heard about you mom." Charlie nodded. "I'm sorry." Ian said as Charlie looked down at the ground suddenly unable to look him in the eye for some reason.

"Yeah… well." Charlie mumbled. "…what are you really doing here Ian because the last I heard from you, you were less then cordial on all accounts." "That was a long time ago babe." Charlie closed her eyes shaking her head. "it always is isn't it? If it was so long ago then why did you have to wait for my mother to die to say something?" Charlie took a deep breath as Ian inched closer to her.

"Why'd you have to tell me the truth?" He finally pleaded. She smirked slightly but not in a vicious way. "because for the longest time I thought it was the abortion that was taking its toll that that choice was what was ruining my life, but when I saw you again I realized it _was you, just you_ and what you did wasn't my fault." Charlie walked around the lawn slightly taking each step slowly.

"The only thing I did wrong was loving you, you cheated on me for months, and I couldn't let you get away with that. I told you it was your baby because I couldn't tell Nick that he got me pregnant, he had his girlfriend and I had my own boyfriend, we had separate life's and we made _one_ mistake that just happened to stick. But Ian what you did wasn't okay because you thought it was your baby and you _still_ left, so you cant come back her now yelling at me, talking down to me, because what you did was so much worse, because you never treated me right, you never loved me, and for my own devious reasons I couldn't let you get away from that scott free." "that's not true I…" Ian said but Charlie quickly reacted in calm and rational tones.

"Ian I don't care! Don't you get that, I don't care anymore, I'm over it, I'm over you. You hurt me and I healed! You hurt me and I moved on, in part thanks to you. But what we had been never real, you know that too." He looked at her for a moment and finally nodded. "Goodbye Charlie." He smiled slightly letting her know and the rest of the world that it was alright. "Goodbye Ian."

Goodbye was a freeing word, life changing. It set so many old demons free and let the past fly away. The time died where he mattered and the time flew away that she cared. Ian Rowland was a large part of life for Charlie, not matter how long in length he was actual around, whether she chose to romatice the good or relive the bad, he was there, he would always be there.


	38. Chapter 38

Critical Screening

**Chapter 38**

""Even when we're together, you're someplace else. You leave and you don't kiss me goodbye. We're at dinner and you're on your cell phone the whole time. You never leave notes anymore about where you're gonna be, so I have no idea where you are. You haven't forgiven me."" Logan demanded. ""What are you talking about?"" But Rory knew exactly what he was speaking of and what he was saying was the truth.

Forgiving someone isn't easy. But forgiving yourself is even harder. And without the forgiveness the world wouldn't be a very nice place, many things wouldn't be the way they are and we would all be a lot less happy.

The air was cool and it was strange to be home. Suddenly things began like they use to and that was even worse then the cold air. It was too remembrance of the high school days and the times that were suppose to left behind.

Charlie Radin's cell phone rang one afternoon the night before Thanksgiving; the week was coming to a disastrous end. "Hey Charlie." Nicholas Cameroon said into the phone, a jolly tone in his voice and a happy remembrance. "Hi Nick, how are you doing?" Charlie said into the phone solemnly.

"Look Charlie, I heard about you mom… I am _so_ sorry." The constant lump in Charlie's throat thickened. "I just got in yesterday otherwise you know I would have been there." "I know…Thanks." She finally as he stopped mumbling.

"Well." He continued in a lighter tone. "Did you hear about the party tonight?" "You just got home Nicholas and your parents are leaving?" Charlie replied sarcastically. "It's not at my house Charlie, it's down at the bay." He said susioucously. "What bay?" "The one on the golf course… the one that is private property." Charlie could feel herself smile that mischievous feeling of getting into trouble and causing ruckus ran through her body as it use to went to parties drinking till she turned sick.

"Danny Sullivan apparently has been planning it for months, anyway if you want to go, your going to need the password and how to get there." "Password?" Nicholas laughed slightly. "Yeah, we don't want everyone getting in there or the cops with catch us. Do you want to just go with me and Kate?" Charlie shuttered slightly and finally answered: "sure." "Great! I swing by and get you're around eight!" He said quickly before hanging up on the other line.

Charlie Radin rolled her eyes not knowing if this was right or not, but either way this was where she was headed. And when the clock stroke eight o'clock and a car horn beeped loudly outside there was no looking back even with the uneasy feeling lurking in the back round.

"Hey guys!" She said with a fake happiness as she slammed the car door shut. "Charlie!" Nicholas said as he sped off towards the main road. "We are going to be late." "Late for what?" Kate turned around slightly in her chair looking in Charlie. "The way that Danny set it up was that he got a couple kids to steal twenty or so golf carts but if you don't catch one of the carts before they leave they you have to walk there, but since none of us is big golfies no one really knows how to get there."

"So if we miss a cart? We're screwed?" Kate nodded and turned back around in her seat as Nick pulled into a parking spot by the side of the road. "Come on." He said opening up his door rushing hand in hand with Kate his good friend on his other side as they snuck behind the clubs headquarters.

Danny stood there smacking the back of a few white golf carts before the sped away underneath the moon light shifting between the numbered holes further into the night. "Hey Charlie!" He said giving her a quick hug before shaking hands with nick. "Just in time." He said pointing to another cart on the side of the brick building. "Come-on." He continued jumping to the driver's seat, Charlie by his side Kate and Nicholas on the back seats.

"And where did you get the idea for this party?" Charlie asked as the cart bumped along the curves of the grass plane. Danny shrugged as he parked next to a tall tree in the mist of a sand pot next door. "Wow good party Dan." Nicholas cracked jumping off the seat. "We have to walk down to the bay Cam; if we all parked right next to it the cops would catch us."

The foursome walked across the perfectly cut green grass. Soon the quiet noise of chatter and music came blasting from just near a small man made lake. Lights sparkle around the people gathered around dancing and drinking several men walking around carrying platters gathered with small shot glasses. "Now isn't this a party Nick." Danny said laughing as he went towards the loud music.

Charlie stood there in awe as someone called across to Kate and she went jogging towards the group. Nicholas still laughed as he stood there happily. "So how have you been Charlie?" He asked looking at her with a smile. She shrugged with a half smile raised upon her lips.

"Actually not that good." She said looking back at him. "That's completely understandable with your mom and…" "It has nothing to do with my mom." Nick nodded. "I was unhappy before I left and it thought college would fix everything but it..." "Didn't." Nicholas said finishing her sentence.

"It actually might have made things worse, being away." "You're smiling now." Charlie nodded. "I missed you guys strangely enough, I thought I wanted to leave high school but I think I really just wished it lasted longer." Nicholas smiled as he looked over at another group of four rushing towards the party. "Then shall we go?" Charlie nodded as Nick wrapped his around her shoulder as the walked in unison towards the group of friends that they had missed so dearly.

Charlie wondered along the rim of the part alone looking at all the familiar faces that had seemed to go sour in last few months. And in a way it wasn't strange to see anyone and it was just like another Friday night, everyone here to get drunk, laid and party. "It has been to long little Radin." Danny said wondering towards Charlie with two drinks in his hands and a grin across his face. "And you would think so." He said with a slight smile. "Nice party though, quite the planning." He handed her a cup filled with a strong smelling clear drink and gave the blonde bombshell a quick hug. Charlie took a sip from the drink contorting her face in strange directions. "So your name is all but clear for Scrathmore I hear." "What are you talking about Danny?" She asked sarcastically as she dug her mouth into the red cup. "Charlie!" She yelled. Her deep blue eyes just as her brothers and her darkened hair now lightened to its natural color that Charlie knew. "Hey Lauren." She said hugging her tightly as she ran into her arms. Danny waved goodbye walking into the deep crowd near by mass Lauren Manning glowed. "I am so sorry about your mom." Charlie nodded. "Thanks... I saw you at the church." Lauren nodded awkwardly. "Anyway... how's school and stuff. I see you're finally invited to one of these wonderful parties." Charlie said rolling her eyes. "It's good actually. But as you may know your name is nothing of empty from those halls." "And what does that mean?" Charlie asked crossing her arms slightly confused but on the other hand didn't want to know what she was speaking of but Lauren Manning continued. "Word got around that Ian cheated on you with Emma." "That was a long time ago now, and neither of them is even in the school why does anyone care?"

Lauren smiled slightly. "Well Emma is still in town never left for college and she's dating some senior, Kelly Stevens." Charlie's eyes widened. "Yeah, you heard right. Anyway between Emma's new way and all those new rumors, you have turned out to be less of a slut as everyone thought. Maybe with my own words have pushing what people thought of you out of the way. But Emma thought she had in for you then she diluted." Charlie smiled. "That saves me a revenge scheme." Lauren smiled. "Everyone loves you Charlie, you're a legend of the sort, strange but it's true." "Thank you Lauer." Charlie said giggling as she walked away closer to the rest of the people partying closer to the bay as she sipped the rest of her drink. It was dark and the moon was shining across the water, the air was still and suddenly a course swing of awkwardness swung across Charlie's blonde hair. She turned around quickly looking at Kale walking down the hill to where Charlie stood looking out onto the man made water. "How you doing?" he asked quietly as he stood next to her wearing a sweatshirt over his smooth arms. "Well I just found out that Emma Watson is a lesbian so as of ten minutes ago...better." Kale cracked a smile as he sat down on the damp grass, Charlie followed suit. "Well isn't there always a bright side to life." He said with a soft laughter to his voice. Charlie pulled her long lean legs to her chest and let her arms cross over them tightly as they sat in silence together.

"When do you go back?" She asked. "I have to be back by Monday." She nodded. "Without eating my head off with television references when we go back to school what happens?" There was a slight quiet as he spoke before Charlie took a deep breath letting her hot air hit across the cool air around her. "It's funny that _you_ would ask that." she said quietly. "Because I'm still not sure...I'm not sure about a lot of things Kale." "I know. I know I don't mean to put you on the spot but..." "But you are." Charlie replied starkly as she looked over at him. "And I think you might know that.

And I know you're searching for something I can't give you right now, right here. I know I probably sound like the biggest tease...but with you its different everything is." He nodded. "I'm sorry." Charlie got up crossing her arms around her boy cold with the breeze hitting every moment area of skin. "I think I'm going to get going...you want to come?" Kale Manning nodded walking next to her across the gold course. They left the gold carts behind as the music faded away but the moon only brightened as they crossed over the green grass the quiet rushing around their minds coming closer to the parking lot. "You know what's weird?" Kale asked quietly with a happy sense to his as they walked. "What?"

"I have known you all my life. I've gone through most of everything that mattered to me with you and the one thing that broke us up the one thing that drove we apart were three small words. Words that were there all our life's words that we have always felt and always will no matter what happens..." He broke the speech for a small moment and took a deep breath as they walked together, "But for the longest time I blamed you for loosing my best friend, I blamed you Charlie for not telling me the truth about you and Ian and I blamed you for the rumors but maybe the weirdest part is that it was no ones fault it was something that had to happen, it had to happen because that's growing up and sometimes growing apart is part of that journey. What I'm saying is that I never should have blamed you and for that I'm sorry. And i've said it before and now I'll say it again but I don't want you to say anything back...I love you Chase and I don't how it happened and I don't know when but I do."

Kale use to believe that forgiveness was the key. He needed to forgive her and she needed to forgive Ian and everything would be okay as long as they were all on good terms'. But life doesn't work that way and sometimes everything isn't a happy ending and sometimes you don't always make nice. So in the end you don't need to forgive and forget because without certain parts of your life, your not who you are. You cant forgive everyone who has ever done wrong to you because then there wouldn't be unforgivable acts.


	39. Chapter 39

Critical Screening

**Chapter 39**

"It goes away. The feeling. That feeling that you have right now... today... that feeling like you can do anything. That clarity... It goes away. And you go right back to being the coward who can't tell the person you love how you feel." Meredith Grey said receding back to that time when she felt that same way as the patient. "There's a clarity thing when you cross over the edge. There's a moment when everything just melts away and you're fearless."

There were so many different ways to experience life. So many people express themselves in different ways and so many dreams are thought of everyday. Some dreams are small and others big, while some are so far out of reach you know it wasn't even worth thinking of. While others are so close that you can taste them and every minute you don't obtain it and every time you think you may not ever have you dream it kills and it hurts and you want it that much more.

Then there are those dreams not thought of, they sit at the back of your mind undiscovered and unnoticed. And its not that they are less important than those you think of all the time, you just don't realize that you might need them. But sometimes those are the dreams and wants you actually do need the most.

And sometimes these dreams you have can be obtained during a time when you do feel fearless, like you can rule the world and no one can touch and that's amazing. But then there are times and certain things that you can obtain when you don't feel fearless when you just your regular self and wants something that bad and when you get it like that its even better, it give you a better clarity then you could hope for.

Kale Manning looked over at Charlie as his voice came to a silence while they walked through the direct middle of the golf course in the deep dark of the early mornings. Charlie opened her mouth her heart racing a few miles a minute; she could hear it thumping in her ear and feel it beating in her throat. "I told you not to say anything." Kale said quickly, almost playfully. 

"I don't need to hear it again, I know and I…" He spoke quietly trailing off into the distance of unbearable noise. "And what if I had something different to say Kale? Could I possible speak then?" Charlie questioned although she sounded sarcastic and unworthy yet she had a smile on her face that only Kale could see and understand.

Kale nodded in agreement as Charlie Radin went from looking at him to looking out far into the trees beyond the road and all the darkness of the quiet beautiful fall night. "I'm sick of being Joey Potter Kale, I'm sick of walking around in this empty world not knowing which way is which because being unsure isn't a feeling I particularly like, and maybe its because I've never had this feeling before last may, before I slept with my best friend and before I decided to face my demons."

He stared at her intensely as she spoke although she took all her power to stare at the other direction. "I don't have any real friends at college because they don't really know who I am because I've been moping around for the last four months, and I haven't been able to say a lot of things to you that I've wanted to, and you're the only person in the world that I've always been able to say everything to." She giggled slightly as she crossed her arms as the breezed rustled through the far off trees.

"Kale my mother just died and I'm not sad about it anymore because I know for most of my life she wasn't really there and every memory I have of my mother has had you connected to it. I thought that last year was going to define my life forever, but it was actually the last few months strangely enough. And do you want to know what is really weird? You've touched my Manning in all the ways I thought my best friend would never make me feel." The parking lot of the golf course was slowly coming into view.

Charlie Radin stopped dead in tracks and looking up into the dark sky a few stars shinning. "And I've thought of so many ways of how to say this." She continued crossing her arms. "of that dramatic scene racing to your car before you head back to school or waiting so long that you've finally moved on and that's too predictable because my life had turned into a television show and that isn't what I wanted, I never needed that Kale…" Tears mustered in her eyes as she spoke. "I needed you; I needed you for all the times that I never knew what I needed. So now I know, I know that I love you, I know all the things you've known for a long time now. I love you." She giggled as the words came across her lips and Kale stared at her deeply as she finally locked eyes with him.

"Now don't just stare at me Kale because then I might feel really stupid…" She said her heart wrenching out of her chest as she finally looked back at him as his dark icy blues eyes stared back at her a slight smile coming across his face. "What? Did you change your mind our something. Because that's a deal breaker." A laughed and sarcasm was in Charlie Radin's voice that hadn't been heard in a lot longer then just the past few months.

She was smile and her face was slightly red as her blonde hair swayed in the breeze and it was breathtaking not only to look at her face but she feel the breathtaking vibe she held steadily in front of her. Like suddenly it wasn't a pain to be living and every breath was taken with gratitude, because all of sudden everything was okay the world, and for those few moments and the air was still.

And just as quickly as the silence came it passed and all that was wrong with the world returned but that vibe and that happiness glowing off of Charlie stood there, because she had always been that lovely young woman, she just forgot where she had been. Kale Manning held his hand around her wrist hard but in a way that wasn't nearly as painful as it looked.

He waited another slight second before he moved forward pressing his lips against hers, for the long awaited kiss that was killing them for so many days. The feeling flowed from their lips to their toes, a love that you could feel to the tips of her fingers. His hand brushed through her long mane as she laid her hands gently across his skin.

The stars shined high above, the moon somewhere off in the distance keeping the clouds far far away. The tongues danced to the beat running through their blood and their lips locked and the key was thrown away. There was a time when you never expected Charlie Radin to be happy again.

She became so good at faking it that no one realized that the person she walked around wasn't her. Charlie Radin was naturally sarcastic but not to the point that she seemed rude and un-angelic. Her eyes were always a blazing hazel color, the same as her mothers but they never were truly glossed over. They were only glazed over with the pain and demons that were never faced.

She let herself live with the pain within herself of the years before. She allowd a man she only knew for an hour named Randy control so many things, she let him change her life in a way that no person should ever have to endure, and worst of all she let him get away with the crime just as many other woman had, but no more, no more did he control any living thing that Charlie did.

For so long the thought that the abortion ruined her life, left her with a guilty feeling of murderous and adulterous feelings that never belonged there in the first place. The abortion wasn't her demon, that was the right choice all around and the people at Scrathmore Academy were just those who thrive on those who did wrong.

There were few people to trust in the world. And as you grow and become not only older but wiser you learn who those are. Ian Rowland wasn't and neither was Emma Watson and slowly Charlie realized that she didn't need them and they didn't effect her. But to her surprise Nicholas Cameroon was a trust worthy person to always be there which is why he never needed to know the truth of their baby, he didn't need to be affected by those deeds done one night, they weren't important.

While so many people were lost and gained during a time that defined us all, the time of adolescence and loosing and winning there are those that live within you no matter where you are. They will always be there the ones who know you best no matter how old or how wise you become over time they are stamped on your heart. Kale Manning was one and he was a permanent tattoo.

The television screen flashed in front of her eyes, the lights reflecting off her gorgeous clear hazel eyes. The noise whistled in ear letting her know that it was always there. Her characters stood with her whever she went because no matter what happened in her life Charlie knew that there was a time when she needed that television more then her family.

And while Joey Potter, Lulu Spencer, Lorelei Gilmore, Topanga Lawrence, Dawson Leery, Damien Spinelli, Rory and Cory will be with her no matter when she is, a permant stamp in her heart, they no longer roll off her tongue as a well known friend.

But a friend that you've known all you life and shall forever love and adore, and when time come when you remember playing dress up after first grade and hanging out after swim practice they will bring a smile and give you a comforting sensation.

While a day walking in her characters shoe was no longer greener then her own grass, she still sat in front of the television screen to step through the glass and watch every new episode and those old to see what advice they had to give, and see what jokes they had to tell and what memories they had to remember with an old friend.

It hard to move on and understand as it is to live life to the fullest for everyday is new. To know that its okay to be afraid and to anticipate but don't let things that disappoint you rule you. Its okay to cry because sometimes life hurts and even once in a while its okay to sit in a movie thearte crying over people you've known for two hours, just as its okay to cry over people you've known for five years and those you've known all your life.

The wooden door crashed open with a creaking in the building around them as the light shone through the bright window, shining into her long blonde hair, the television lights still flashing her face. "Hey Chase." He said striding forward kissing her cheek as he sat on the bed next to her the television whispering behind them.

"Lily, how's it going?" He asked looking towards her as she walked in slowly after him, a cell phone to her side and a meek smile to her face. "Everything okay?" Charlie cracked as she rested her chin on Kale's shoulder from behind him. "Me and Ron just broke up." "Your boyfriend right?" Kale questioned. The red head nodded in answer. "You okay?" "I actually think it is better this way." She said smiling a little brighter as she closed the door behind.

"So are you ready to go?" Kale asked standing up as Charlie's eyes locked with the television. "Shhh." She muttered. "Do we have to wait till is over?" He questioned with a smile. She bit her lip merely ignoring his question, while some people and things float into the wind leaving it all behind other habits die hard. While letting go is a daily process meant to be done day after day, loving is one that is much more sweetly given. As after that one day that Charlie came to the conclusion that is better to say it all out loud then to keep it inside, once she started loving Kale Manning it was hard to stop.

And as the sound of the television whispered through the air, the lights flashing into their eyes possibly holding all the answers to life inside of their well scripted dramas there are those people who are real and non- fiction, who breath and live everyday to the fullest have a brighter future.

There are reasons why a friend differs from a good friend and while those differ from a best friend. A best friend can be called upon at any time of day, or night climb out their bedroom window and down the street if need be, a best friend can be told anything no matter what at some point in time, your never embarrassed and harassed, just loved no matter which or what way. And every rumor and whisper that included Charlie Radin's name always rang the words of truth that girl was _loved_.

THE END


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